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Published: March 1st 2007
Before leaving Thailand's islands and beaches behind us, we thought that we should check out the hype of Phuket, Phi Phi and Pha-ngan - over-touristed, tacky and commercial, but the grandparents of the tourist boom, with much to offer in terms of beaches and parties.
We arrived in Phuket and landed ourselves a great deal on a spacious room with 70s furniture and wooden floorboards in the old quarter of Phuket town. We knew that we would be staying around this area for a week, as we had planned to tackle David's root canals once and for all in this convivial setting.
The next few days were spent getting things done: Planning, visiting the dentist and eating cheaply from the nearby food market - full of barbecued chicken, sausages on sticks, juicy rambutans and mangoes, and coconut cakes; eating for less than a pound each!
David had a few days between appointments so we booked a trip to the islands of Phi Phi, and braced ourselves for the Costa Del Thailand on which we were about to arrive. Phi Phi's boom of popularity was sparked when the beach of Phi Phi Lei was used in the Leonardo De
Caprio film. The taxi to the boat terminal got us in the party mood with a medley of ridiculous pop covers set to a cheesy synthesised soundtrack.
The boat eventually pulled into Phi Phi Dom, and it soon became apparent that the tourism on the island had not only made it overcrowded, but also overpriced. We realised that we would have to pay twice what we paid in Phuket for a shoe-box sized room with shared bathroom facilities. Mrs Li, the smiling but shrewd proprietor, didn't miss a trick. Learning our names straight away, she could then use them to her advantage, at will. "David... hello David, take off your shoes please David" "Louise, don't forget your key, will you be checking out tomorrow?" She charged extra for toilet paper and cleverly monopolised on the stream of tourists flowing through Phi Phi in every way imaginable. After only ten minutes, she had already sold us a boat trip for that afternoon and we wondered, as we walked to the boat stop, whether we had really become travel savvy at all!
The boat trip was great - we piled on board and were introduced to the team, holiday-camp style.
A smiling woman with a video camera would record our every experience of the trip, and we cringed as each holiday-maker was obliged to introduce themselves to the machine.
First stop - snorkeling and kayaking. We jumped from the boat and found ourselves surrounded by huge shoals of multi-coloured fish. The two boat-loads of tourists plunging in didn't seem to disturb them from their continuous activity, and David and I paddled against the strong current, holding hands as we explored the sea-life together. We switched our snorkels for a kayak and took off to see the lagoon. The current sent us there before we knew it, and we were soon surrounded by vertical cliffs of rock in a shallow area of vivid blue, calm water. Then we had to get back to the boat. This was
not so easy, as the current was against us, and we began to panic a little as the waves lapped over our small vessel. We had to use all our strength to prevent ourselves from traveling backwards. When we eventually arrived back at the boat we were out of breath, and we headed to the deck to relax as we sailed on to
the main attraction - 'the beach'.
Only to be reached by longtail boat, kayak or swimming, the beach consisted of a small curved bay set among towering cliffs with shallow, clear-blue water lapping soft sand. We kayaked to the shore and joined the tourists photographing and relaxing in this famous setting. We knew to expect this, and walked to find a quiet place to sit, away from the hubbub. We watched as an English woman dropped a plastic bag and made a weak attempt to rescue it before giving up and letting it float off into the water. Litter here and there tarnished the location, but we paddled and chatted as the sun's heat softened and the bay quietened with the departure of its visitors. We then noticed some Thai guys making a sand sculpture. They skillfully moulded into the sand, the form of a woman gazing out to sea. Inspired to join-in the fun, David and I began our own masterpiece, but soon realised that not only was the sea destroying part of it as quickly as we could make it, but also that the alien figure we had fashioned was, frankly, embarrassingly rubbish! We hurried away and
kayaked back to the boat for some much needed tucker.
Club Tropicana! Drinks were free! (if you liked tea, coffee or water) and so was some tasty vegetable fried rice. We watched the sun go down over this romantic setting on deck before speeding back to dry land to watch the video of our boat trip which was played back to us with a pop soundtrack and offered for purchase. Funny, but no thanks! Back to the smiling face of Mrs Li.
The youthful vibe of the island offered us small DIY buckets, complete with vodka, Red bull, ice and straws, and we set the night off with one of these before heading to the Reggae Bar for our next drink. I know what you're thinking - Bob Marley, hammocks, cocktails, relaxing atmosphere, well no, actually! This 'Reggae' bar was a large, popular place where one could watch Thai boxing in the huge ring in its centre, and get drunk to a soundtrack not unlike that of a typical English bar on a Friday night. Before long, we had teamed up with two English guys and the night was underway. The bar offered a free bucket to any
'I wan't that one!'
..says David, looking at the menu.fool willing to fight for the ever-poised audience surrounding the ring. We watched two girls get kitted out with gloves and headgear and take to the ring. The traditional Thai boxing music kicked in and they began to shuffle around embarrassingly, punching each other here and there until their cocktail was earned, if not the respect of the crowd. Need I point out that David and I remained in our seats and watched through our fingers as the more vicious fighting took place. Before long we were ready for a club, and Phi Phi had it - a pulsating, bulging establishment where locals and tourists could dance the night away to Hard-House beats.
It had been a good night out, and what better way to recover than with a full English at 'The Little Britain Cafe' (including black pudding and
real sausages). David was more than excited. We explored a different beach that day, which we reached by longtail boat, and we spent time reading our books which had now become one of our favourite activities.
That night, our last on Phi-Phi, was much more chilled, and after stuffing ourselves silly with sushi, barbecued fish and meat, salad,
and Chinese food at the 'all you can eat' restaurant, we managed to squeeze in a roti and coffee before collapsing for the night.
So back to our nice, large room in Phuket, clean laundry waiting for us. The confused elderly man eventually managed to check us in and supply us with a key to the room.
We decided to visit Patong Beach - One of Phuket's most popular - and arrived via a converted pick-up truck (called a bus!) at a huge beach lined with loungers, brollies and browning bodies. Jet-skis whizzed on the water and the sun burned down. We paid for our loungers and read our books, ordering drinks without moving an inch. It wasn't our scene but we didn't really expect it to be anyway. The sun was lowering in the sky and we decided to head home. We were told by some grinning cab drivers that the last bus had gone, but didn't accept their over-priced offer, and instead hitched a lift in the back of the truck of a passing couple. We ended up in the car-park of a shopping centre, feeling a little silly. We made the most of it and
ate in the food court, reading-books in hand, before getting a taxi back to town (this time much cheaper).
The next day needed a well-executed plan. It was full-moon night, and we had a long way to travel. First the dentist, then a taxi to the port. After four hours or so on the boat in the rain we arrived on Ko Pha-ngan, in the dark, on the night of the full-moon party, with no accommodation booked. Were we mad? Probably, but we must have done something right, because just as we were about to lose it completely, some young Aussie guys told us to come along to where they were staying. With few options available, we agreed. We hopped into the pick-up and got to know the group: Three lads on holiday in Asia for the first time and a young couple.
We wondered what we had let ourselves in for as the truck sped along and one of the Aussies shouted at passers-by and told inappropriate jokes. Then the situation got worse - the road turned to a track, and the potholes got deeper and multiplied before us, making the journey incredibly bumpy, to say the
least. We clung to the sides as the truck bounced along and the dust flew, listening to the perpetual, Neanderthal Aussie nonsense.
The roads seemed to go on forever, but eventually we were there. Shaken, we entered the reception of one of the nicest guesthouses we have ever stayed. The Scottish owner, Fiona, welcomed us, and checked us into room 1 - right by the restaurant area. Our beach hut was cheaper than we had prepared ourselves to pay, and was clean and attractive with a small porch for our hammock, overlooking the sea stretching out before us. Set amidst a rocky bay, this place was remote but perfect. We thanked our lucky stars and prepared ourselves for the party of our lives.
The taxis pulled away - packed with tourists headed to the full-moon party. We did the same trip backwards and then some, before landing at the beach. We bought buckets and followed the sound of the music with the gang from down-under.
The atmosphere was electric; each bar pumping different music out onto the huge, packed beach. We weaved in and out of the chaos, dancing to everything from Gabba to Shabba, and taking
in the scene with all our senses. The three guys, David and I managed to lose the couple (they were clearly embarrassed by their ignorance and wanted to represent their nation more positively). We had a great time, soaking in Ko Pha-ngan; fire sticks spinning, men peeing into the sea, people selling flashing earrings and glowsticks, stalls of pizza and barbecues, stages full of trancing dancers, distorted pounding bass music, and us, leaping about like children, excited and relieved to have made it to this unmissable experience.
This continued for about an hour and a half before the evening was tarnished by a catastrophic event. David was pick-pocketed, and our wallet was gone! No cash inside, but a host of precious bank cards, and we had been left with nothing! Thank goodness for the kindness of our new friends who managed to calm us down and keep us rational. We decided to take the early transport home and found that we weren't the only ones. The Aussie girl had gotten far too drunk and was sleeping it off in the car-park, and some of the other people had gathered to wait for the two-thirty transport back to our guesthouse.
Unfortunately the transport never came, but the impromptu car-park party had pulled us out of our dismal moods. We headed back to the beach with two new friends, Ollie and Lauren, a great English couple, also travelling south-east Asia. We spent a few more hours enjoying the party before our new friends decided to call it a night, and joined the others in the car-park to await the seven-thirty bus home.
Then, an incredible thing happened. Ned. Some of you may know this Irish character as one of our long-time friends from St Albans. Louise's former flat-mate, he was probably the only person in the world who owed us money, and there he was, before our very eyes, landed as if by magic thousands of miles from home in our hour of need! He agreed to help us out immediately, and withdrew a considerable amount of money to help us on our way. What a day, What a night. The bumpy ride back was impossibly bad, but then, at last, bed!
Three lazy days followed. We travelled no more than twenty yards from our beach hut (to eat in the restaurant), and spent most of our time
reading and relaxing in the hammock. We also enjoyed a blissfully English day with Lauren and Ollie, playing scrabble and drinking tea. There was no need to go anywhere, and when it was finally time to leave, we boarded the truck in the knowledge that this would be it for Thailand's islands and beaches. Challenging times ahead. We wouldn't be in a place like this for a long time to come.
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