Beaches, Bays, Boats, Boys and Bars

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THE BEACHES, BOATS, BAYS, BARS AND BOYS’ Author Susan Smith and Kathryn Brown



I woke from a long deep sleep; only possible when the mind is at ease and the body full of great food and an excess of alcohol.



Holidays are great. It is the taking yourself away from reality of everyday life and replacing it with nothing. No stress, no commitment and most of all, no time. Being punctual is not the most redeeming feature of a holiday. No one knows what hour, day or even what week it is.

If you care you shouldn’t be here.



Thep, our driver has arrived to take us for a jaunt around Phang Da Bay, which is off Phuket Island and about 100kms north of Patong Beach where we are staying. The bay is full of limestone outcrops jutting out of the ocean. One made famous by James Bond. James Bond Island. I kid you not. This is where the movie Golden Finger was filmed in 1974.



We have hired a long tail boat for our trip around the bay. The long tail boats are so practical. A propeller hangs out the back on the end of a piece of pipe driven by a huge in board motor. The driver sits in his seat next to the motor, the throttle in hand, adjusting the propeller in or out, side to side, fast or slow, whatever the situation requires as we skim across the water at great speed with the roar of the motor behind us in our ears.



Our hearts are in our mouths. The scenery is magical with the slight haze. Each limestone outcrop displaying faces to heaven. The sound of the outboard motor breaking our thoughts as we reach our destination.



Once aboard the floating bargaining ship we get our Sea Kayak tour for 100 baht less – thanks to Jamie and his excellent skills of outwitting the opponent. Keith is disappointed that he is not in command of his ship but after our first endeavour into the caves, he takes a back seat as the shallow waters, sharp outcrops and parallel manoeuvres come into play. It is amazing that you could completely float pass such beauty without knowing what waits behind the walls of rock. After looking and exploring the caves we head back to the waiting mother ship.



Our next sight was James Bond Island – very touristy and 200baht, due to it being National Park. We didn’t stop but headed to our lunch destination.



The floating village, Kop Pan Wee was an explorer’s paradise. Off the beaten track we head down back alleys that lead us past small houses with satellite TV’s and all with small birds in cages, mosques being built after the Tsumani, floating football fields and a floating school, with smiling children and street hawkers trying to sell their wares – burning pearls to prove their worth. Watching a fisherman string up crabs with his feet and twine was a great way to pass the time.



We returned to the restaurant with its huge selection of seafood, chicken and no beer or pork, being Muslim. It was an enjoyable lunch with our guide sharing our table with his intermittent comments and occasional laugh.

With our bellies full we head back to the starting point to complete our tour with an ice cream before we start the drive back to our Motel.

Along the way we stop for fruit from a street stall – with many to choose from. We try Mango tine, which is a fruit with a crusted outer layer and white juicy segmented sections inside. We paid 30 baht for 1 kilo – Barry Bargain. Jamie thought it was time to experience Durian and after not a lot of thought, brought 60baht worth – total d.....head. We all sat under an umbrella, alongside a busy road trying the King of Fruit. Kathy and I spat it – the texture was like sucking on a make-up sponge – not that I had done it and the smell would clean out any ones nose, even with a cold. Keith and Jamie ventured on but later had the after effects with burps on Durian. The decision to taste repeated on them for the rest of the afternoon.



We headed south to the old, new bridge which passes from the mainland to the province of Phuket. We leave the vehicle and walk across the bridge with its great views and was an easy walk. It is hard to imagine the Tsunami coming towards us with the western sky and vast seas being so gentle and inviting. The people who witnessed this event will be forever scared from this natural phenomenon, but in true Thai spirit, they continue living each day as a new day.



A compulsory drink, sitting seaside under the shade of palm trees, looking west over the sea, whilst watching swimmers frolic in the waves was a must. Or in Jamie’s eyes watching scantily clad girls with G strings, learning to surf while many guys watched in awe. Unfortunately Chang was not our friend or were the cocktails.



Returning to the pool and with our trusty barman friendship reunited, we sat cooling off watching the sun go down. We all decided that we were in for a quieter night with a meal off the streets. We headed on foot to ‘Food Street’. Many debates, touching and ‘you come, sit’, we settled for a seafood joint with red chairs and a smiley waiter.

Travel tip – Bourbon duty free - $17 per 1 litre at the airport – fill up empty water bottle. Order coke at restaurant and add bourbon.

Using this travel tip we were not in for a quiet night. Jamie spotted a Tuk Tuk with flashing lights and loud music for us to have a ride. In Asia you can have anything!!!



Picture this – Four 45 to 50 year olds doing many laps of Patong Beach, stopping off to buy DVD’s of ACDC and Bon Jovi for 100 Baht; drinking and singing very loudly in a Tuk Tuk with flashing lights and a fantastic sound system – Yobbo comes to mind.



We were entertaining many passers by, many getting into the scene; jiving and giving us the ACDC finger. ‘Highway to Hell’ appears to be a National Anthem worldwide.



After a couple of hours and only $ 25 we depart our chariot of fun and head into girly street. Tiger Bar our destination. Settling in at one of many bars and with drinks ordered, we watched the girls and girl guys gyrating to boom box music on top of bars and on poles. I decide with little persuasion, that I can dance like that and join in. Not a good look and only lasts a few minutes. Jamie and Keith are in their element as the scenery gets ‘hotter’ and better with each Chang. Kathy is given the eye by not one, but two shims that were very attractive. Kathy, I am not sure why, declined the offer.



Jamie wanted a song request but with hundreds of girls dancing their ‘tosh’s’ off, he lucked out. However he was invited upstairs to a different bar. Of course Keith had to venture up and help a buddy. But they both soon returned to their ‘loving’ wives.



It was time to head homeward and after much debate (by the boys); Kathy and I headed them in the right direction. We were safely home after many laughs. This was only going to be a quite night! I am looking forward to a big night!!!

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