DO NOT COMPRIMISE THE PERIMETER!

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Fleeing Bangkok we took an overnight train to Chumpuon to catch a ferryboat to Koh Tao. Didn’t sleep so much on the train as I was confined to a windowless bunk-cubicle knowing that we needed to get off at one of the many silent stations the train briefly stopped at. Plainly in my delirium I had forgotten that the route has been travelled millions of times be-fore by idiot westerners, and a courteous Thai gent appeared to give us a ten minute warning prior to arrival.

Following a relaxing ferry crossing we landed on Koh Tao at about 9:30 am and under the wing of a dive resort rep lucked out and ended up in what, following extensive enquries into alternative options, has turned out to be the best value accommodation on the island.

So we are here, still. The feeling that perhaps we have been in the on place too long has become the only reason to move on. We have our own bamboo/concrete bungalow on stilts, yards from the beach, a balcony with a hammock all of which we share with an im-pressive population of ants.

We have a wet room style shower/toilet combo placed 3 steps down from one side of the bungalow where in the evenings I play Trapdoor. After a couple of Chang lagers I can hear the toilet seat flapping and the throaty tones of a voice com-manding “Berk, feed me”. So I answer the call, descend into the damp hole and brave the wildlife, the cockroaches, geckos, ants and mosquitoes, dishing out doses of respect and justice in equal measure.

100 yards round the cove there is an excellent restaurant, and another 100 again is a bar crouched over the beach, selling cold beer and tea, which makes sleeping in the heat somewhat more straightforward.

Sylv says we have been here for a week now and the days are evening out as I hoped, achieving parity, no weekends, no Monday mornings, no Wednesday afternoon halfway point. The cockerel wakes us at dawn, and again every hour throughout the day. I usually wait til his 3rd or 4th call before getting up. I don’t think he minds.

Brief pause for another list:

Top 5 things I have eaten:

1. Breadcrumbed Barracuda n chips
2. The most awesome slow ripened Mango, dripping with the flavours of every fruit you ever did taste
3. Banana Pancake topped with condensed milk
4. Massaman Vegetable Curry
5. Fried fish and cashew Curry

The battle between my skin and the Asian sun rages on. For days the sun flew frustrated and irritated as it fruitlessly beat down on the most perfect reflector of light ever to land on the shores of this here island. Every beam efficiently deflected, potential damage side-stepped with ease, the sun itself suffering from overheating from the rebounding solar on-slaught. Then one day last week, lets call it Thursday, the same day I lacerated my feet on that coral anyway, yes, that day we went Kayaking around the island, that evil yellow bas-tard in the sky took advantage of my unprotected legs and face as the exertion sweated the sun cream from my skin.

Which brings me to:

Top 5 comedy surnburns:

1. Sylvs vest/bra strap combo on her back...only just evening out.
2. My nose after Kayaking.
3. My forehead after kayaking.
4. The 20 pence size area of burn on my shoulder as a result of ineffectively administered suncream
5. My hands after kayaking.

On average, on the Dulux colour chart scale, my skin has moved from ‘Scared Snow” to ‘Milky Earl Grey Tea”. I aim to achieve a simple ‘Pale Pink’ before we move on, whenever that might be.

Oh, and for the sake of records, the current score in the Thailand Scrabble Challenge Tournament is:

Sylv: 7, Mal: 5

Dammit.

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Comments

[Linz]

Lovin it!!
I'm loving the progress report on the tan! Please bear in mind that it took me a whole summer in Ibiza to gain that "almost pine" or maybe beech colour i was so proud off!!!!

[That loud girl with the tattoos]

I have compromised the perimeter
The glare, the glare! I'm actually squinting at the halo of pure white light mirrored from Mr King's skin. It is visible from space. PS - I am consumed with mango-based jealousy.