Let sleeping dogs lie

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Ko(h) Samui, 8-27 December

Let's play a game. Imagine the most tranquil place on earth. Perhaps it is a tropical island, a place where palm trees sway in the breeze and pose lazily against the white sands. A place where everybody is so happy and relaxed that the mundanity of everyday life is quickly forgotten and replaced with pure and simple relaxation. Perhaps there is fresh fruit and exotic food in abundance, all whipped up in seconds without you even having to step foot off the beach. Maybe there's even a cocktail list populated with drinks that contain every fruit you can think of (papaya margarita, anyone?) Perhaps there are hidden corners of the island with lush tropical foliage that remains untouched and where it seems no one else on earth has ever stepped. Where the sand is marked by the dent of falling coconuts and where buffaloes and elephants wander in the distance. A place where even the animals are just too lazy to move. This is Koh Samui.

From the moment we landed, it was beautiful. Samui Airport has been repeatedly voted as one of the most beautiful airports in the world and it's not difficult to see why, with manicured gardens lining the runway and the arrivals lounge consisting of a wooden structure surrounded by mini bridges and ponds with lily pads. As one of the three largest islands in Thailand, I was expecting hordes of tourists and for things to be, well, a bit spoilt. And don't get me wrong, there are definite signs of standard tourist fare with the island's most popular area, Chaweng, consisting mainly of one very long street lined with market stalls selling endless souvenirs alongside Thai ladyboys in feathered headdresses and glittering hotpants inviting you into their shows and bars with happy hours that start at 3pm and go on well into the night. Yet it is somehow not tacky as it lacks the anonymity that many touristy places fall into, perhaps in part due to the authentic local food stalls that have squeezed themselves in between the bars and the tranquillity that somehow exists amongst the madness and has characterised this country so far for me. The beaches, too, are clean and peaceful with plenty of space, so it's easy enough to avoid the tackiness.

We had an incredible few days at the start where we hired a moped and rode out to explore every single corner of the island. We were staying in Lamai, which is around twenty minutes' south of Chaweng and much less spoilt. The French influence here is apparent, with boulangeries and French-owned bars scattered throughout the area. On our first couple of days we rode out towards the south of Samui, all the way around the coast and then back up through the centre of the island. At every turn there was something new to explore. Just 200 yards down the road from our hotel we passed a temple complex, marked by its distinctive arched entrance. Here there was an incredible view out to the edge of the island and a sleepy temple with intricate carvings on the walls. A Buddha sat surrounded by offerings at the back of the temple while the sun shone through the open windows. After our first day out riding we had managed to visit a tiger and sealion zoo (who knew the two went together?), a temple complex with a mummified monk, a practically deserted beach, a shooting range and an 80-foot waterfall.

It was such an easy, carefree way to be and a world away from anything familiar. Whenever we got too hot or fancied a stop, we'd pull up at one of the street cafes – however remote it got there was always a Thai lady by the side of the road cooking – and eat some chicken fried rice or the local favourite, som tam, a spicy papaya salad that I don't think I could ever get enough of. On one of the days we rode for hours and hours and ended up in the north of the island to see the Big Buddha, a must for any visit to Samui. A gold structure standing at 12 metres tall, it's impressive and very pretty as the base of the statue is surrounded by all sorts of offerings, from flowers to bottled water. This Buddha is definitely not short on anything. At the base of the statue, we gave into our touristy side and got blessed by a monk which actually involved having a fair bit of water thrown over our heads, carved our names into the stone that was being built to make a new temple and avoided some very excitable street dogs which were circling around the courtyard. Samui has the most number of stray dogs I have seen anywhere in the world and they make themselves at home everywhere you can think of, from benches on the street to underneath sunbeds on the beach and even under the chairs in restaurants. Their unbroken happiness and ability to flop down anywhere and fall asleep may well be the best image with which to describe the mood on Samui.

Another day, we saw a mummified monk who is famous as he died whilst meditating in 1975 and has been immortalised in that position ever since. The strangest thing about him was the fact that they wanted to cover up his eyes so they had put a pair of Ray-Bans on him. For an icon of a religion that is characterised by simplicity, this struck me as somewhat ironic. I also appreciated the very flash, very made up and unmistakably Jewish woman in huge sunglasses gawping at the Buddha and telling her granddaughter in a very loud, New York City accent that: "This is the Buddha who we pray to in the synagogue." There's an education for you...

Over the next few days, we went out riding every day and ended most of the evenings with a street food dinner (one of which brought a whole new meaning to the word spicy) and a foot massage from one of the many salons on the island where rows and rows of smiling Thai women waited, ready to buff you to perfection while you recline on your seat and sip jasmine tea. The beauty treatments were absolutely incredible and cost next to nothing. My favourite masseuse worked in a place in Chaweng and she called herself Grandma. She never stopped smiling and she managed to make quite an impression even though she must have been about 4 foot 8 (no exaggeration). After I climbed off the massage chair the first time, I started talking to C as I waited for her to come back. It was only when I felt someone put their arm around me and squeeze my bum (turns out Grandma was very affectionate) that I realised she had been standing behind me the entire time and I had just been unable to see her.

As she gave me a manicure one day, we got talking about our lives and she told me that six years ago her daughter, who was 20 at the time, had died in a motorbike accident on Samui and left behind her four-year-old son. Grandma now looked after her grandson full time and worked seven days a week, 16 hours a day (9am-2am) at the massage parlour to support him and her husband. Having flown halfway around the world and just one month into our trip, it felt surreal to be sat here with this tiny old lady and to look at our lives which were so remarkably different. It makes you realise what a big place the world really is. When we walked past the massage place a few days later at around 2am, we saw Grandma (who must have just finished work) squaring up to a huge American guy with big muscles in a white tank top who had just parked in front of her motorbike and blocked her in. He must have been about 6 foot 4 but she glared at him so menacingly that he quickly backed down. Brilliant.

The time on Samui absolutely flew by. Days were filled with moped rides, wandering barefoot round temple complexes, discovering tiny stalls by the side of the road and sampling delicious fresh food, having foot massages, wandering down the beach and making footprints in the sand and attempting to beat C at pool (something I did a fair few times and I feel deserves a mention). We spent a lovely few mornings walking from our second hotel (aptly named The Peace Resort) down the beach to the fisherman's village of Bo Phut which was simple and very pretty with restaurants with gorgeous seafood and panoramic beach views. Back in Chaweng, we visited what is now my favourite restaurant in the world – called The Page, and part of a hotel called The Library, it was our special treat as the other nights we had mainly been eating £1 noodles and soup from a cart. At The Page, we sat on a verandah overlooking the beach, with the sea lapping just feet away and we could see fireworks over Chaweng in the distance. We tried scallops (not entirely sure what the fuss is about), snow fish with five Asian sauces, which was incredible and grilled tuna which was one of the freshest things I have ever tasted. The hotel was laid out as if you were turning the pages of a book with the reception area called Contents and each room representing a page of a book. The swimming pool was a sight to see too as it had red water. Designer hotel at its best...

One of the most incredible things we saw on Samui was found purely by chance and just epitomises the reason for travelling. Around halfway through our time on the island we were riding on the moped, rounded a corner and came across a large clearing on the side of the road with a space to park the bike and a huge arrow and a sign in Thai that pointed down towards the rocks and the beach below. We parked up and decided to see where the sign took us. We basically ended up climbing through the undergrowth along a manmade path, holding onto ropes that were strung between trees to hold onto on steep parts and jumping across wooden slats balanced across big rocks. As we climbed further and further down, I kept saying to C that if it was that difficult to get to, whatever it was had to be good.

A few minutes later I was proven right when we rounded a corner around a huge rock and in front of us was an absolutely idyllic beach with a perfect view of the curved shoreline in the distance and a stunning alcove where the sea was calm and the sand soft. Then we walked the few metres that spanned this tiny beach and there was a bar carved into the rocks. Hanging over four levels, made of bamboo sticks with colourful cushions scattered over the levels and bamboo mats just asking to be laid down on. Spellbound, we took off our shoes and lay down on the top level, sipping juice out of a coconut with crushed ice, laying back against the pillows with the sound of the water and reggae music playing softly in the background and just a few other people around us. This is where we watched the sun set in perhaps the most tranquil place I have ever seen.

Merry Christmas indeed. Life is sweet.

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Photos

Let sleeping dogs lie
This photo is Samui all over.