12. 01/09 - 08/09 - The Stomach Bug Diet

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01/09/07

After my barnet trim (got a bit braver and went shorter this time), we were feeling a bit peckish so for a bit of gnosh on a street stall and ate pad thai (again) and spring rolls. We were due to meet Barrie at half seven so we got back, showered, dropped my rucksack off at the tailor's (Kris, the guy who made my first lot of fitted suits has got a bit friendly so he is our Bangkok fixer, this time of bags...), and headed out for a few beers. We were in great spirits and decided that we would stay an extra day in Bangkok just to enjoy the atmposhere etc for a while before we headed for the beach. We met up with Baz, had a bit of a chat about how the trip was going, coming to the conclusion that doing it together was great, but if we wanted to shoot off and do some stuff on our own, we shouldn't feel like we can't. We drank the night away (failed to get on the pool table due to the 31 names down on the board, shame, I would have enjoyed some free drinks tonight), and like true party animals, were in bed by midnight.

02/09/07

With nothing to get up for today, we were hoping for a lie-in, but typically we woke at quarter to eight, feeling a little worse for wear. The only answer was pancakes for breakfast, although even this struggled to shift the fog. We thought a walk to Dusit Park (contains a zoo, museums etc) was in order, and ambled along in humid, muggy Bangkok on a sunday morning. Along the way we saw possibly the most hideous thing I have witnessed in my 27 years on earth, an overweight thai women wearing only a bra laying in a doorway (not what you need before ten on a sunday morning after a night on the ginger beer (not cockney ryhming slang)). We also managed to bat off a Tuk Tuk driver/scam, as a total stranger approached us in the street, got chatting about football etc, and told us Dusit Park was closed until 2, recommending other sights. We new the score, told him to get bent, and sauntered smugly on our way. We were a bit unsure if we were on the right track but luckily a happy tramp confirmed we were, jabbering away at us and pointing down the road (or maybe he wanted us to get him some white lightning from the 7/11...............).

The happy tramp was correct, and we descended upon the Royal Park in high spirits, but wait, the gates were closed, and it didn't open until 2!!!! Maybe we have just been rude to an innocent and kind Thai bloke who was trying to help, oops.........We did get a couple of snaps of a Royal Residence, but with a huge police station opposite the park, we didn't want to be seen taking too many pics through the gates, they might of thought we were part of Osama's merry band. Feeling like prize tits, we decided we'd walk back the long way, just in case we saw the guy on the way back........I'm not a believer in Kharma etc but I think that there may be some truth in the expression 'what goes around, comes around'. On the way back I decided that I was Vitamin Meat deficient, and decided to get some sate. I did grab some, and decided to go for it, ordering 3 sticks, although I did wonder what it was. One bite told me, liver!! Great, i've got three of the things, can't wait.........

On the way back we spotted Barrie in Mai Kaidee's and he let us know he was off to Ko Tao tonight with Andy and Simona (Austrian girl he has met. No romance as far as i'm aware, although they are sharing a room....). Amy's was feeling a bit rough so headed back to the hotel for a lie-down, and I made it a relaxing affair for her by straining and screaming away in the room whilst doing some weights, Schwarzenegger-stylee. We decided a nap was in order, I washed off my body-builder fake tan to save the sheets, and we were out for the count for a couple of hours. We got up just in time to say au revoir to the guys, and met one of Amy's old schoolfriends, Sue and her boyfriend Phil for dinner/drinks. They have been travelling for 4 years so gave us the lowdown, on everywhere, and we finished off the night having a few beers in a bar which was a converted petrol station!!!!

03/09/07

I woke up feeling 100% today, Amy 1%, which wasn't ideal as we were making our way to Ko Samui on a 17-hour bus/ferry journey. We had a bit of a lie-in til 08:30, but didn't make it out for another couple of hours as Amy was pretty motionless. We did mince around the Khao San Road for a bit, ducking into every 7/11 imaginable for Amy to enjoy the air-conditioning, but eventually gave up any hope of doing much today and went back to the hotel for some internet, and to watch 300. I was filled with un-bridled joy as I saw the footie results and saw that Chelsea had been done by Aston Villa. Needless to say this occupied my thoughts for some time, although i'm sure Amy got a little sick with the Tourettes-style swearing, shouting and air-punching on my behalf. I think i've also said goodbye to any hopes of a decent lasting tan by getting my arse on facebook. It was a hard decision but i'm really glad i've joined a social utility that connects me with the people around me........I've also come to realise that I may have mad my last decent cup of coffee in a while. Vietnam is the second biggest coffee-producer in the world, just ahead of Colombia, and consequently, you get filter coffee at instant prices everywhere. Nescafe just doesn't do the trick, I like a coffee that'll keep you awake for 48 hours and doesn't taste of pesticides........life will never be the same again.

We jumped on our bus to Samui at about 6, and noticed a few differences from Vietmanese buses. 1) we fit in them 2) the air-con/lights actually work 3) you actually see other westerners (and we were sat next to a real live wire, studying his 'Advanced Chess Moves' book!!!) and 4) the toilet cubicle isn't bathed in the contents of the bowl. We were looking forward to this luxury trip, and actually managed to get some sleep between 8 and our arrival time at the ferry port at 5 in the morning. Luckily the ferry was due at 8, so we sat and watched the mossies circle closer and closer before they ate us alive..........if you don't here from us again, we are leaving the house and all our money to..............

04/09/07

The ferry arrived on time and despite Amy being attacked by an ant colony, the journey was ok. Amy kipped most of the way, feeling much better after her recent bout of sickness, although we were both pretty knackered. Arriving on Ko Samui however was a bit of a boost. For me, it was like the second coming (and yes I was greeted like the Beatles, brass band, mayor greeted me etc), and Amy was just pleased to actually get some beach time, as our last really effort was rained off in Sihanoukville, Cambodia. We were in our new gaffe, New Huts, sharpish, as we arranged it at the ferry port and got a free lift. Unfortunately, the trade descriptions act doesn't exist in Asia (just ask all the 'lads on tour' who have taken a Thai 'girl' back to their room and found an 'added extra'), and our hut was somewhat........shite. It wasn't mossie proof, it was tiny, and had a very cold shower, which didn't run at the same time as the toilet flush.......

Needless to say, after donning the suncream, our first job was to march down the beach and book into Big Bell Bungalows (Barrie and my sanctuary when we were on Lamai previously) for the next 4 nights. We killed a few hours on the beach, but after a nap, I awoke to some troublesome stirrings, i've got Amy's bug!!! We wandered back in the mid-afternoon heat, me wilting quicker than Tottenham's challenge for a Champions League place, and we got back just in time for me to collapse on the bed for a 2 hour nap. After waking, and whilst lying there on the bed, feeling terrible after another bout of sickness, I noticed an imminent mossie attack. Being too weak to move (now I may be being a little over-dramatic), I had only our tiny towels for protection. I did what any Premiership footballer would do facing a Beckham freekick, and protected the good stuff, which wasn't a conscious decision, just a reflex. I know women out there won't understand, they reckon childbirth hurts (I reckon quick cup of tea and a paracetamol and we'd be back at work after cracking out triplets, but lets just let the ladies kid themselves......). But lets face it lads, this would be pain that no women could comprehend, I wasn't taking any chances. The day petered out, me mainly napping and running to the loo, and we went to bed early (me about 8 o'clock, Amy about 10). We've had a pretty strenuous 24 hours what with the 17 hour bus/ferry journey, crap accomodation, each of us being ill, and the jellyfish, ant and mosquito attacks, I think we need a rest. We'll be back in the relative luxury of Bell Bungalows tomorrow, and fingers crossed the illness will clear up and we can make the most of days on the beach.

05/09/07

We woke at 07:30 today, Amy feeling almost 100% but I was by no means in butcher’s dog condition. We kicked off the day with a romantic walk on the beach, enjoyed the palm tree fringed beach and white sand, although inside I was desperately hoping I could pull it together for our 20 minute walk to our new home. I must have looked like Tom Hanks in Castaway (after he has been stranded a few months) stumbling along the beach, what with the onset of facial hair, sun-kissed complexion and waif-like physique. We are both wasting away a bit, and maybe we should take some advice I got from an Irish girl who said 'stop eating that Thai shit and proper food', not a bad idea Sarah. We got back, packed, and summoned the energy to start our journey to Big Bell. I was pretty mute on the way, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other and ignoring the weight biting into my shoulders. A few taxis touted for our business on the way, but clearly i’m not that ill as my clinical tightness held firm, and the moths were left un-disturbed. When we arrived at reception Amy sorted the room whilst I found a bench and collapsed, which, alongwith the facial hair, made me look like some kind of vagrant. We got into our luxury room with huge fan, fridge, hot shower, towels etc etc and chilled for a while before I jumped on the internet, later we hit the beach at two.

I spent the day in and out of the water, desperately trying to lower my body temperature whilst also obsessing about the fact that I needed to top up my tan. Vanity won, I felt terrible, but did recover in time for some shopping. WE have decided that because my bag is showing some signs of wear and tear WE should get a new BIGGER bag for me. WE haven't made a purchase just yet, but I think Amy's shopping over the next couple of weeks will shape OUR decision. Please note, I have everything I need, yet MY bag is getting bigger!!!! Once we were back I shaved/de-forested and took a look in the mirror, only to see a small, shrivelled, anorexic fourteen year old boy staring back, HALLEJULAH, my dreams have come true!!!! At least I know next time I wanna go down a trouser size, I just need to eat some raw chicken!!!! Dinner was bit of a non-event as both of us are nowhere near 100% on the gastric front, and the big milky ice coffee I signed the night off with just made matters worse.......

06/09/07

We got up at 8, I was feeling a lot better, although nowhere near 100% so I decided to try and kill myself by going for a run on the beach. Amy, being sensible and not wishing to press the self-destruct button walked it, but freshly stripped of body fat I did the hard yard, topless. We even managed reasonable breakfast, even if it was just bread and jam. It was a touch overcast so I tempted Sod's Law by jumping on the net, and the sun came out. We hit the beach at midday, returning at 4, enjoying a glorious day, especially as we were both feeling a lot better. Some satellite TV and a nap killed the afternoon, before we headed out for the food market at 8 for dinner. I managed to confuse issues somewhat and our food arrived a little late but for 60 pence each we couldn’t complain, and the portions were pretty good. Afterwards we headed out to play some pool, although the concept of paying for it now, after so long with free pool, bites. Amy was on top form, I wasn’t, and she almost beat me, but a lucky in-off saved me and my fragile male ego.

We finished the evening watching a live Thai band in the Irish Bar, listening as they murdered song after song. Its amazing how a song sounds so different when you swap all the l’s for r’s and vice versa!!!! Our walk home meant another encounter with our only gripe in Lamai, the ridiculously over-friendly/bordering on rude and intrusive tailor who's shop is right next to our bungalow. Everyday he asks where we are going, what are we doing for dinner, trying to force us into his shop or mates restaurant. I wouldn’t mind so much but he never remembers where we are from, how long we are staying and why we don’t want more suits. Its like groundhog explaining, and Amy’s patience is running thin……...good luck nipper.

07/09/07

Up early again we decided to make the most of our satellite TV and watched a Woody Allen film in bed. It was yet another glorious day so we hit the beach at 11 to top up the tans, although when we got there, something didn’t seem right. The sand had settled in some weird formations, the sea was dead calm and a little cloudy. Also, the sun was blazing down, but we also had intermittent cover from some pretty stormy looking clouds. Amy was a bit spooked by this, and her theorizing started spooking me out, especially when the ice cream man joked that a Tsunami might be on its way, hilarious. As ridiculous over-thinkers we even spent some time today pondering what we would do if we saw one coming.......errrrr........run!!!!!

After returning from the beach at 4, we jumped on the internet for a while, before heading out for dinner. Due to our recent illness, and the fact that I cannot really stomach fruit, milk, fizzy stuff, beer, or face Thai food at the mo, we decided Western grub was on the agenda, and settled for meatballs and pizza. We savoured every morsel and blew a whopping 5 quid on dinner, which, in turns out, is our most expensive meal of the trip so far!!!!! Sitting in a decent restaurant at least we had the chance to relax and we chilled for the rest of the evening. Reflecting on Lamai we’ve really enjoyed doing nothing on Lamai, the beach is fantastic, setting beautiful, and the weather has been great. Your money goes along way and the people are really friendly, so I reckon we’ll be back here before too long, although next time i’m gonna have an empty suitcase and a pile of wedge……

08/09/07

After a cracking nights sleep we woke up, dare I say it, both 100%. We chilled out in the room before heading down the beach at half ten, and we had yet another ridiculously hot day with barely a cloud in the sky. We may have spent too much time on the beach because we are starting to sun dodge and have descended into playing ‘I Spy’ as a form of entertainment. I think we need some company!!! Or a drink!!!! We also only share the beach with a handful of people so, if seclusion is your thing, head for Lamai in September!!! Back at Big Bell by five, I indulged me new passion Aussies Rules Football. I was a bit intrigued at first, it did just seem like a melee, but 2 games in i’ve mastered the rules and I’m really getting into it. Its athletic, violent, fast and technical, so is pretty much everything football used to be before the Premiership was awash with diving foreigners!!!! This, alongwith some cards, killed a few hours, before we headed back out for dinner at 8 to the food stalls. I’ve graduated to full meals now (bye bye 6-pack) so enjoyed some garlic and chilli beef with rice, Amy, her favourite, noodles.

We did have a bit of an un-back packery end to the evening going round all the nice hotels checking out the room rates and facilities (ie pool. Amy has been obsessing about a pool for days. I think we may be doing some pool-hopping in Chaweng). Our thinking is that we are doing this only for Owen and Carla, who are coming out on holiday and should therefore get some luxury while they are here. However, after looking round a few, I think we may treat ourselves for a few days, especially as luxury rooms with a pool are only about 10 quid a night. We saved a few quid this week what with not eating and sitting on the beach so we may splash the cash (clearly i’ve had too much sun…). After this we sat in a nice bar and watched the England game, avoiding the lady bars we usually get forced into by our budget, so all in all, bit of a holiday within a holiday. Overall this week has been pretty relaxing, despite the stomach bugs, and consequently uneventful, although it has been good to recharge the batteries after nearly 2 months of sight-seeing!! We are meeting up with everyone in the next few days in party town, Chaweng, so somehow I don’t think we’ll have the same quiet alcohol-free time…….can’t wait.

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Photos

Bangkok
Kao San Road Again

Ko samui
The boat from main land

Ko Samui
Matt has a stomach bug

Ko Samui
View from our minute beach hut, the other good thing about it!!!

Ko Samui
Lamai Beach

Ko Samui
Lamai Beach

Ko Samui
Matt's model pose