Farangs on the loose

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I am getting a little behind in my travel blogs for a number of reasons - one of them being that I find I require at least 12 hours sleep a day (preferably comprising of 9 hours a night and a 3 hour afternoon nap). But I will attempt to catch up on what has been happening in the last week or so.

Last Tuesday saw us arrive in Ao Chalong where we were eager to catch up with some Thai friends - Tipsy Lee (“Tip”), Wilaiwan, Poie (sp?), Oie ((sp?) - rhymes with Poie (sp?)). Whilst we find their names unusual, they feel the same way about ours, especially as some Thai people have difficulty with both a “th” and “r” sounds meaning that “Katherine” is generally said as “Kasslin”. To avoid these complications, Dad becomes “Papa”, Mum is “Mama” or “Madame” and I am “Lukk sao” (Thai for daughter) or “Baby” (makes me feel like I am in Dirty Dancing).

We were reunited with Tip amidst a flood of conversation, none of which tended to result in much real communication given the level of her English and our Thai. We were introduced to the “old man” she looks after (this was his formal term of introduction) - the old man appearing to be somewhere in his late 50’s whereas Tip has been a mere 50 for the last 4 years. We asked after Wilaiwan and were given a long tale involving the “monkey house”, going to Sweden and too much gossip, which did little to shed any light on Wilaiwan’s whereabouts although we did decipher that the “monkey house” refers to prison (or “police house - you go in and don’t get out of for long time”). We later called Wilaiwan and were relieved to discover that she was not in Sweden or prison (nor had she been captured by monkeys) but was working in a thai massage place just round the corner so we went round to see her.

Thai massage is very different than a massage at home because no oil is used and it uses movements that are much heavier on the muscles and a lot of stretching. For instance, during a thai massage, all your fingers and toes will be “cracked” and you will often be pulled over backwards to stretch out your back. At times it feels like you are being crushed to death, but (at least according to the poster in Wilaiwan’s salon) it is very “spiritually beneficial”. Some Beauty salons in the UK do offer Thai massages now but they tend to be very pricey (about 40 GBP for 30 minutes) here you can get a 1 hour massage for 200 baht (4 GBP). You usually also get herbal tea and fruit thrown into the bargain.

As well as catching up with friends, we had business to attend to in Ao Chalong - firstly, dealing with Customs, Immigration and the Harbour Master. Foreign yachts are required to “check in” and “check out” of Thailand and the procedure can be a bit torturous, although it has definitely improved. Most people in Thailand work very hard - for instance, our local friends (introduced above) all do a number of different jobs including Thai massage, reflexology, cooking, knitting, clothing repairs, manicures/pedicures, cleaning and working in shops just to scrape by. The Customs, Immigration and Harbour Master (there is more than one) personnel provide the obligatory exception to the rule and seem to do very little other than thrust incomprehensible forms into the confused faces of foreign yachtsmen, watch TV/surf the internet/make private telephone calls (according to personal preference) and look official (or rather officious). I am thinking of submitting a CV....

Additionally, there were some repairs to the boat’s biminy to be made. 2 local girls from the yacht-repair shop agreed to come out with us on the dinghy to the boat so that they could see the damage and give a quote for the work. A plan that would have been straightforward had the wind not picked up.... To cut a long story short, we all got a lengthy salt water shower on the way out before being unceremoniously dumped into what turned out to be sinking sand. I then rounded off the afternoon’s fun by falling down the back steps of the boat with a bucket, trying to clear some of the mess brought back with us off the decks.

“Be careful!” my Dad helpfully called out some 5 seconds after I had landed with a thud on my delicate derriere.

Needless to say, bonhomie was not in abundance that night aboard ship. When greeted with a roar of “Where is my supper?!” a few hours later I was forced to bite my tongue from asking how piping hot soup served over the head of the irritating inquirer would suit. Instead, a gentle response of “Just give me a moment, dear father” and a delicious meal of corned beef hash was dutifully provided.

Business over, the next few days were spent exploring the area, shopping and catching up with friends. We took a bus to Phuket Old Town where I bought (among other things) a soap that claimed to cure prickly heat (the reason I bought it, let me assure you - the following benefits are outlined for illustration only and are of no direct personal reference to me), acne (never had this), dandruff (never had this either), body odour (definitely never had this) and parasitic infections (MOST definitely never had any of these). All for the princely sum of 15 baht (25 pence). If any of my dear readers suffer from any of these unfortunate skin complaints, please let me know and I can put in an order (confidentiality guaranteed).

Amidst all these activities, we have been brushing up on our Thai. My vocabulary now extends to (in Thai - I can say a lot more in English) - “Hello”, “How are you?”, “I am well”, “What is your name?”, “daughter”, “son”, “Thank you”, “Tastes nice”, “The bill, please”, “Beautiful” (I obviously encounter this word quite frequently in relation to myself), “Fat tummy” (I obviously never encounter this word in relation to myself), “Big Bum” (Ditto), “Chicken fried rice”, “Shrimp fried rice”, “How much does it cost?” and some of the numbers. Needless to say, this level of grasp on a language does not facilitate in-depth conversation but does at least give you the assurance that what someone is saying about you is not that you have a big bum.

Oh, and lastly, the title to this entry: "Farang" is the Thai phrase for a foreigner from the West (our Thai friends say it means a European but Americans and Australians are also Farangs and, although geography was never my strong point, I am pretty sure they are not in the same continent as the UK). The Thais like Farangs and you will often hear "Falang, Falang" when you walk down the street - because, of course, they just can't master those "r"'s like a Scot can!

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