Chaing Mai...my oh my..

---

Good flight in. Hotel not as grand as previous one, but did not smell as per reviewfrom fellow traveller......comfortable large room......with complimentary condoms alongside the chocolates and water!.....went out in search of food and found Palm court restaurant with delicious thai food......on return from eating were stopped in the street by friendly thai girls (with the most amazing legs and boobs) trying to sell tickets to thai boxing match.....on closer inspection all had very large adams apples......decided to go to boxing another night nd headed for night mrket......women in tribal costumes selling tat.....which we bought quite a lot of as they were making us laugh so much.....sudenly an elephant walked past......very strange......especially when we noticed the red back light attached to his tail to comply with traffic regulations!......

After wonderful breakfast spent day by the pool.....very overcast but hot.....YOU CAN BURN THROUGH CLOUD.......met english man who ws having a gap year to find himself (at 50!)......very chatty.....lots to tell us about Pattaya and the night/day scene there......he had gone to visit friends who now live there and found them leading a nocturnal existance fueled by jabba (drugs) and drink......came north to escape it and was now heavily into meditation.....did make us laugh saying that as he and his mates walked out of their hotel in Pattaya all the bar girls screamed sexy man, sexy man at them.....made them feeel they were god's gift......but this was put into perspective when they shouted it to 3 80 year old men who were next out the door.....

Got ready to go out that evening......ate at hotel restaurant....good buffet selection.....then went in search of bars.....quite quiet but found lots of bars by thai boxing ring......little boy sold us flower necklaces and tried to play connect four......watch very unattractive men fawning all over thai girls.....saw some demonstration thai boxing......the only lively bar was the ladyboy bar Marina's, so we headed for that.....lots of partying going on.....but no customers.....made us very welcome.....played connect four and jenga with them.....tried to get us to buy them drinks by saying it was their birthday......laughed and laughed.....danced with them......were entertained to aan impromptu cabaret by the owner......who thought her/himself to be very sexy and rolled around on a sofa displaying her wares......great night, not sure what they would make of it in Eastbourne......

Booked ourselves on a jungle flight for friday, and spent day aquainting ourselves with city on foot.....went to visit orphanage but due to fears of swine flu they were no longer accepting volunteer babysitters......shame, but facillities looked fantastic and staff seemed very loving.......found ourselves in the old town.....went into local market.....many traders finished for the day and now sleeping on their stalls.....found chocolate cafe (to Helen's delight) and wrote previous blog.....formulated business plan for chocolate empire to take over the world.....

Early night as we had to be ready by 8.30 to go swinging through the trees......

Last to be picked up in morning.....good thing as it turned out.......met fun aussie backpacker.....Bex......lots of tails of travelling and working all over south east asia......interesting minibus ride.....very windy roads.....fellow traveller very sick and constantly asking how much further .....American......Helen said he was completely vomitus and was hence forth known as Itus by the three of us......

Very exciting day......zipwiring through treetops of jungle was fantastic......instructors and guides really great fun.....lots of banter and teasing.....lost most of original party at point 14 as they were doing short course......very good for Itus as it really was not his thing and had complained further about all the unneccessary shinnanigans (teasing/fun).......joined with russian father and daughter, us two and Bex.......new instructor So very funny......russian dad lost his little stick used for breaking on the zip wire.....So told his daugher to give her dad her break and said not to worry, and in a very rich thai accent " I break for you"......at which point Helen went weak at the knees and said he could break for her any time...

So took this literally and sent Lara and Bex off down a wire together.......and what do you know..... next time we saw Helen she was laying across his lap with leg in the air, coming down in tandem on the zipwire.....big smile on her face!.......

Short trek to waterfall.....lovely to climb up, but unsure about getting back down.....So on hand to help......but not much good for Helen as he had taken off his top......she was not concentrating on where her feet went!.......So obviously keen to impress.......Bex, observing, stated that Helen was certainly getting the VIP treatment on this trip.....

Free abseiling 40 feet was quite an experience......all made it down safely.....just Helen left at the top....with So.....who wouldn't let her go down until she gve him a kiss.....and then uttered the classic line ....."I want to love you longtime".........Helen in hysterics as had been warned by friend Martin that this would happen on the trip......agreed to meet him for drinks later before she was lowered to the ground....

lovely meal prepared by villagers......especially white carrot soup......agreed to meet up with Bex and So at 8pm

So was on time.....keen to take us to see proper Thai Boxing at stadium....Bex and Lara went off in Tuktuk....Helen invited to go and buy tickets.....went off on the back of motorbike with So......no crash helmet.....felt like a teenager.......

All met up at Stadium.....boxing interesting......but more intersting to watch old thai man.....very enthusiatic about fights.....having little shadow fights of his own.....drank some beers......headed for Bubbles night club....all 4 of us in a tuktuk.....one sitting on someones lap.......three guesses who!......

Nightclub quite empty....bought cocktails.....soon filled up....lots of dancing......So keen to love helen longtime......but she politely declined.....even after he offered to cook for her......disappointed So left alone.....leaving us girls to have a fab night......dancing.....drinking.....and eventually setting up a straight talking no nonsense counselling service in the smokers area......where we delighted in giving blunt to the point of rude advice to weird and wonderful collection of people who were obvoiusly lost and trying to find themselves......kept us entertained for ages......

Walked back to hotel.....about 3am.......

Temple tour on saturday.....met up with tuktuk driver called kid..... great tour of temples.....then visited craft village.....really just a road with different craft areas......saw beautiful gems......but not tempted to buy.....Lara at gym......ran 4km in less than 30 minutes.....very proud until she realised her kids could do that without even trying!......very tired so had bed picnic and watched weird film on thai tv......ended up chatting like a girly sleep over......still did not get to sleep until gone 2am......

Chill out day on sunday......decided to plan our week.....spent most of day around pool.....then went to see Mr Pau from Big Hmong Tours.....said we wanted a non tourist trek....so we could see the real thailand....not staged for tourists.....Boy did he deliver!......

Met Mr Pau's Brother at 9.30......had aranged to trek for 3 days, staying at local villages.....were warned "No cocacola....no beer" which we took to mean we would be in the middle of nowhere
......yep.....that was right.....

First went to small non tourist town to eat lunch......roadside cafe, which we would never had ventured into on our own.....but tasty food and we had to trust out guide......went off to local market....very intersting.....people smiling and looking at us but for the first time in thailand NOT trying to sell us anything......strange looking veg....meat out on slabs.......real cultural experience......

Left car at small village and set off on tek with small backpack each......guide (Wid) with little wicker basket on back and traditional hat.....felt like extras in a Vietnam war film......quite weird going off into the jungle.....just the two of us and our guide.....no map.....no real idea of what we were letting ourselves in for.....had been told that no westerners had been on this trek for over a year.....could not get distances, just times out of guide.....who kept having to review them as we were clearly not as quick as he was!.....
Lara's husband would have been horrified if he had known possible risks.....all his training that he had told her about and she wanders off into the jungle with some random bloke.....at least she took a nurse along!...

Jungle trekking quite difficult.....lots of up hill.....dense foliage.....took us 4 and a half hour to go 10km
........noises in the jungle were amazing.......had to keep stopping to listen......got to fast flowing river by village.....where Wid announced that last year there had been a bridge.... but that now we would have to wade across.....Lara promptly stood ion a slipery rock and decided this was not the most fun......however task accomplished......eventually ended up a mini hilton hotel.....NOT.......

Village was like someting out of the middle ages......lots of chicken and wild dogs roaming......were warned by Wid to stand still and not run if one starts to stare at us.....helpful advice!.......invited into hut on stilts....just one big room....built form bamboo......inch wide gaps in floor.....fire in the centre.... no chimney.....smoke filled room until it found it's wat out through the gaps either end of the roof.......


Wid was not the only person in this hut......found we would be staying with Dad.....Mum.....Child.....and Grandma......as well as Wid as this was their home.......would be sleeping on floor, on woven mats to cover gaps in floor......with the wild dogs living underneath.....ready to bite off stray fingers and toes!.......

Went bravely outside to watch muma and dad preparing rice with giant wooden pummeller......hard work.....other villagers came across to look at us......dogs sniffed us and then curled up beside us......we were too scared (due to dogs) to move......

Were shown the facilities by Wid.....tin and bamboo shed....with hole in the floor and single standpipe....lots of gaps big enough for dog to get in.....decided may have to do nightclub style loo runs......too scary to go on your own!

Sat in hut realising that we would be sleeping in same room as whole famliy whilst dinner was prepared....met more villagers.....including man with very long hunting rifle which her kept swinging round so it pointed at us......feeling safer by the minute......

Were torn between expressions of sheer delight that we were actually experiencing something so real and exciting......and fits of the giggles at the predicament we had got ourselves into.....were faced with having nothing to eat except food prepared by our guide on dirty plate, with ants crawling all over them.....knowing that everything had been washed in the river water.....but we decided that we just had to geton with it.....and that if we ended up with Dengy fever, then Boom (our thai friend back in the UK) would at leat be happy as she had warned us that we would get it!......

Spent evening watching 3 year old son acurrately catapault the dog (20n feet away)......cut himself on the machete he was using as a plaything.....and play around and with the open fire.....chasing ant out of the wood by setting light to bits of kindling with a lighter......social services would have a field day.....and as for you firemen reading this, our house was made of bamboo and sticks and no it didn't have a smoke alarm......

Family indicated it was time to retire.....not before dad had unexpectedlt taken a call on his mobile!....and then spent the next 30 minutes with Wid playuing with their ringtones....we liked the cockeral one but they didn't seem impressed......all electicity from solar power, provided by the government......but that minister now thought a crook!.....

Family then out up massive mosquito net for themselves and granny......we had been told we would not need one, just mozzie repelent.....very wrong......Helen, Lara and Wid had to lay on same mat to sleep.....family left only light on as thought we may need to see if going out to the loo.....just acted as mozzie attractor......were then treated to hours of Wid wriggling about and smacking himself as he had no repellant.....was getting bitten very badly.....eventually asked us if he could borrow some of ours......then he went to the loo.....every time he moved the whole house shook.....we decided to brave the loo, went together!......but then helen had responsibility of closing door of the house on our return......

Lara and Helen then both spent hours wondering if it was properly closed......for fear of having faces eaten off by dogs......both thought each other were asleep so when wild dogs started to fight and copulate just inches below us with just a few layers of matting separating us from them imagined our own private horrors....Lara decided that they must actually be tigers who were growling and snarling in very vicious manner......heat was incredible......but both too scared to not be in sleeping bags......felf like sleeing in a sweaty bog......

Awoken early by choir of about 20 cockerals......now we know why family were not impressed with ring tone.....went on for ages.....Lara woke up with very puffy eyes and feeling a liitle sick.....not sure if heat or something eaten the day before.....but was sure she had slept because dreamt shee was staying with Mrs Weyland from children's school.......

Braved shower....pouring cold (but very nice) water from bowl over ourselves.....could see jungle through gaps in wash house..... breakfast made by Wid, when he eventually woke up...joined by loads of neighbours who came and looked at us.....were told by Wid that there were about 15 families in the village and that all hey did was farm, cook and make babies.....from a very early age!.....

Set off across river again.....into jungle.....were told it should take about 3 hours to next village....not told it was about 12km and up the side of a mountain......very hard going.....Lara still feelin not right.....Helen feared possible allergic reaction as Lara still very swollen.....after 2.5 km of climbing up hill Lara not fit to continue.....and looked very ill..... no alternative but to go back to village and get lift back to town asap......that was when enormity of situation hit us......if something had happened to our guide we ahd no map, no gps, no moblie phone signal.....would have been quite an adventure!.....made slow progress back down hill as lara coulg not see/hear and kept falling....but made it ......much to amusement of villagers!.....paid 800baht for ride in back of truck....bumpy but worh every penny as Lara gettin worse and promptl y vommited into helen's laundry bag once we got out of the truck!

Relieved to get back to hotel.....Lara because she was not well..... and helen because of the responsibility of Lara eing not well was firmly in her hands......also because the water we had been given for dy two was green and Helen was very unsure if we should drink it!

But so glad we had the experience.....was a real highlight of our trip......amazing to think of what we think we need and to compare it to the simple but very happy and loving way the Lahu villagers lived


Lst few days of the holiday have been spent geting to know Chiang Mai, travelling up into the hills to visit a temple.....in a very old red taxi bus.......and enjoying the nightlife and the night market......

Very nice meal at riverside area ..... and an experience at the beauticians for Helen......ultimately successful although had it's worrying moments.......she is now a Mangirl...........we hope this is something Eastbourne is ready for.....JOKE!

Fantastic holiday.....this is our last blog........

---