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It's been weeks now since we did all of the following but here goes:
We began a 3 day treck into the Thai jungle on the Friday and had prepared by talking to two of the poshest gayest english 18 tear olds you were ever likely to meet the night before at mel Gibson's hostel. One was cained off his face and kept saying he was gonna try and live with a tribe and smoke opium for a week. He was a prick.
Anyway we boarded the bus and met a nice older woman from blighty and a suprisingly alright yank from New York. Then came Gary from Dublin, (sound guy, liked a drink) and his girlfriend Agatha, who is possibly one of the most annoying women i have ever met. She was from Poland but spoke with a broad irish accent after living what must have been in Gary's underpants for 2 years. She was a total princess and complained as soon as we got in the truck, every single meal time, any time we had to walk up any type of incline, any time we had to walk downhill, any time she got wet, anytime
Gary didn't speak to her/wasn't with her/ or didn't do exactly what she wanted. Gary must have the patience of a saint because after half a day i had to already make sure i wasn't stuck walking behind her thro the jungle as she was so slow, didn't sit near her at mealtimes as the only thing you'd hear would be "Gary....i can't eat this. I just want a burger", or generally be at anytime in her vicinity. The first day trecking was hard into the mountanous jungle to the hill tribe camp. It was mostly up hill for 3 hours but at one point she commented, "they should tell people what this is really like as it's not fair." Thankfully i was too far away from her to hit her with my big bad ass bamboo walking stick (nice touch) and explain to her that as it is called a jungle hill treck to visit hill tribes it was pretty much self explanatory. Anyway the pleasure that was Agatha lasted 3 days but Gary was alright and even fucked her off one night to play drinking games with us, good work Gary. Also on the treck were 2 whippersnappers
Ben and Nicky who we initially took to be wankers as they were very posh and were debating issues regarding 17th century history whilst barely breaking sweat up the mountain. However after taking them under our wing for our second nights drinking game on 1 pound a bottle local whisky we realised they were sound and extremely clever young lads. Also on the treck were a load of really rude and generally unfriendly french lesbians who kept muttering stuff about british people then laughing and two lovely irish girls from Dublin who we hung around with for quite some time after the treck an all. More of that later. The first day consisted of elephant riding as well which i wasn't keen on as they kept jabbing the elephants with bamboo and wouldn't let them eat. Then lots of walking and a night at the hill tribe. The two guides nicknamed Moley (for the massive mole on his face complete with petruding hair) and Mowgli (because of his resemblance to the lad from the jungle book) were very keen to entertain as they played guitar badly for about five hours intermittently going off to smoke lots of opium. Moley's favourite
english phrases mid song were "why not?"and "oh Yeah" which punctuated every single song yet did nothing to enhance a single one. We sat and got a bit drunk on the local whisky which we had cleverly brought with us and chatted to the irish girls. Mark and Sean also did flaming whiskys at Moley's insistance. I didn't wanna burn my face off so didn't bother.
The second day consisted of more walking, playing with Mowgli's machete, and showering in a couple of picturesque waterfalls in the middle of the jungle before sleeping at a riverside camp thing where we played a drinking game with the two whippersnappers and the irish girls. That got pretty messy and ended up with Mark wandering off gazing at the stars like a gay and then falling asleep wheverer he could especially if it was next to Sandra one of the irish girls.
The third day we walked for a bit and then did white water rafting. Unfortunately it wasn't that exciting as the river was low from a lack of rain altho we did have Agatha in our boat who complained and pulled dissaproving faces anytime she got mildly wet, we
went down a rapid, we bombed off the side of the boat and went swimming in calm water or when she got out of the boat. At one point she tried to get back in the boat but couldn't so me and gary pulled her in nearly strangling her in the process.... I particularly enjoyed that activity!! Then we did bamboo rafting which was shit and went back to Chang Mai.
That night we met the whippersnappers, the irish girls, Sandra and Caroline and Gary and Agatha for a drink and once Gary and Agatha had gone home (naturally because she was moaning at him for an hour to do so) we took them to the infamous Spicy. Pretty pissed all hell insued. The whippersnappers showed their age by getting absolutely bollocksed and dancing with the ewok hookers, then again Mark could barely stand, and i sloped off with the lovely Caroline to get to know her better. Gentlemen that we are we walked the girls home after staying for the duration at Spicy before heading home ourselves via some fried chicken and a couple of drunken discussions with some monks on their way to morning prayers. It was
fully daylight!!
The next day we died on our arses before arranging to meet the girls again for more drinks (they are both good drinkers and a lot of fun) and ended up once again in the magnificent Spicy. This time me and Caroline got constantly harrassed by a security fella with a power torch as apparently hookers girating against all and sundry is ok in Thai nightclubs but snogging isn't. Anyway safe to say me and Sean fell in love with Sandra and Caroline from this night and haven't been able to stop from discussing them heady days since. The day after we met them again (this was getting a bit gay which you'll be glad to hear Mark continiously pointed out) to say bye before getting the train back to Bangkok before heading to Cambodia.
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