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Published: January 20th 2007
Laos- one of the most relaxed countries in the world - had worn Dan and I out, so we headed to Chang Mai in Northern Thailand in search of some R’n’R.
In between book reading, playing pool and attempts to get on a meditation course (a surprisingly infuriating experience that is surely against the whole ethos of meditation. Then again maybe it was an excellent marketing ploy to raise stress levels), Dan and I booked ourselves on a two-day multi activity trek to the north of the city.
The first day was spent trekking up a hillside. Our guide was called Jungle Jim (an alias?) who was very nice but obviously suffered from a form of Attention Deficit Disorder for he kept singing, whistling and clicking to himself and to those within earshot (i.e. everybody). His sidekick, a lad called Jackie Chan (again not his real name. What have they to hide?) was also slightly irritating in his repeatedly asking the question “Whassup?” (that was so 1999!) every five minutes in between general shenanigans. At one point, without provocation, he punched Dan in the arm. Why Dan didn’t turn round and lamp him one I will never now.
We reached the hilltop village where we had a slap up meal and a dubious ‘cultural performance’ by some of the village children. It was all a little mechanical as they toured from lodge to lodge, each time giving a rather wooden rendition of their local songs. Bless them , they probably had to do it every night. Some of the children were too busy having a fight mid-performance to really take part.
The following days trek to us back down the hillside where we went on an elephant trek (in reality a quarter mile walk up and down the riverside). Our elephant had a nasty habit of straying to close for comfort by the cliff edge, much to the chagrin of Dan who happened to be sitting on that side of our ‘steed’. Mid walk we stopped to feed the elephants bananas from our position on his back. Once we were out of bananas our elephant (who we named Bobbins) went on the lookout for more fruit using his trunk. Not many people can claim to be sexually assaulted by an elephant but I can. See you in court, Dumbo!
Once the elephant ride was over we
The Gang
Trekking around Chang Mai.received our worryingly short training in whitewater rafting. It was all rather pointless as the only thing I ever heard our instructor say during the ride was “Go!” which I took to mean “Paddle away!” All the people in my boat were French, which also complicated matters. However I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
When the white water had pacified, we jumped ships and made our way to our final destination on bamboo rafts. At one point I had a go at punting the raft along only to succeed in nearly capsizing us. There was a brief mutiny and I was relegated to sitting duties like everyone else.
Moving on from Chang Mai we headed back to Bangkok in anticipation of our flight to Myanmar. Whilst we were the King of Thailand celebrated his birthday. It was a rather dull affair with a cavalcade and speech. What you really want is Brian May on top of a palace, rocking out some classic licks on his guitar. On second thoughts, maybe not.
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