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Published: November 6th 2009
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Day 7: Hua Hin to Kuiburi
The next day was a scorcher, and we were blessed to find roads along the ocean for most of it. WWe passed gorgeous, secluded beaches, with fishermen and local people working, and a resort every now and then. Passing the Dolphin Bay Resort, a shimmering swimming pool calling our names, we figured we might as well stop for lunch. The ping-pong table out back was the clencher, and J blissfully began challenging employees to play while I changed in to my suit and got down to it. As long as we bought lunch, the staff were happy to let us use the pool and the ping-pong table. (Apart from the fact that the staff loved kicking J’s ass in ping pong.)
Lounging in a pool felt like heaven after biking 28 miles that morning through 95 degree heat. After a swim, J and I ate lunch in shaded lounge chairs, while staring in disgust at each other’s sickly hot-pink sunburns. Reluctantly, we set off biking after about an hour, aware that if we stayed much longer we might never leave. We passed through a National Forest with huge mountains, big lakes and salt
farms operated with cool water-wheels. Egrets and small roadside shacks abound, and pick-up tracks passed us, their beds jammed twenty-full of children coming home from school. The scene reminded me of driving through New Mexico and Arizona, it was very beautiful and Southwestern-esque.
At one dark wooded turn in the road, a wild band of thirty monkeys was making a ruckus, threatening cars and throwing sticks at passerbyers who had stopped to stare and feed the monkeys. As we quickly and nervously biked through, more evil black monkeys stared down at us from trees in the forest. We did have our rabies shots but still…
Continuing out of the National Park, we biked through cute, small towns, spying countless varieties of roaming dogs and cows, plus each front lawn possessing at least three of each. Eight-year olds driving motorbikes waved at us, locals working yelled hello and squealed excitedly at us, and some people down-right freaked out about our presence. In a good way. At one point we ended up on a dirt road, totally lost, having no idea what direction we needed to be going in. Well, we knew we wanted to be going south, but we
could not agree on what direction south was. (We had actually bought a compass but it wasn’t working.) We couldn’t see the sea, we couldn’t see any mountains. We asked some women directions and they gave us green guavas. The word “hotel” rung no bells for anyone in this neighborhood. Everyone was nicer than nice, but it was getting late, and we had no idea how much farther we needed to go to find a bed.
Finally, a local English teacher on a motorbike came riding by and stopped to help. She road alongside us for the next ten miles, all the while chatting to us in English, and leading us towards a hotel. We were tiring; despite our lunch-time break, we’d already gone about 48 miles today. Our previous mileage record for one day was only 35 miles! We reached a T in the road, and our lovely guide pointed us one way, as she was going home the opposite way. The time was 6:30, the sun was setting and it was beginning to get dark. We biked on, yearning for the hotel to appear around each bend and cursing each time it did not.
After an
incredibly long additional ten miles, we reached the brand new, posh Kuiburi Hotel. It was massive, right on the beach, and just gorgeous, wouldn’t look out of place in Miami Beach. Which meant, oh crap, that this was not going to be cheap, and there was no other option. We were in the middle of nowhere. We were shit out of luck it seemed. But fear not, I put to work my faithful negotiating skills.
Now as you read this, imagine I’m doing this at some luxury hotel in the US. I walk in to the sparkling reception, through an automatic glass door, dirt-covered, wearing a pair of bike shorts, a t-shirt and a filthy bandana. I greet the two young women receptionists, dressed impeccably in silk tunics and long brocaded skirts. I’m quoted a price of 2,200 - 4,500 baht, depending on the room I would like. In American dollars, that works out to $70 - $145. Oooooo, not a good price for us. I tried to bargain with the receptionists, in Thai, but they were not interested, or perhaps not permitted. They kindly offered to call their manager though.
The manager arrived, speaking perfect English and I commenced bargaining with him. At first, he acted like I was ridiculous, similar to how a manager at a luxury hotel in the US would act in this situation. But then he began to play ball. As I politely and affably discussed with him, he decided he could give me 2000, then 1800, then 1600, then 1400. I told him we didn’t need the included breakfast, and he was able to drop the price further, to 1000. I told him that was still too expensive, that we could leave very early and that I could see that his hotel was completely empty and wouldn’t some money be better than none. He said, well, 160 people were here for a conference yesterday and 200 more will be coming this weekend, as if he needed to prove to me that his hotel was a success. Finally, he threw out 700, saying that was the lowest he could go, that his hotel had a standard to maintain. Pleased with the outcome, I happily agreed to the price. The parking lot guard watched our bikes in the big, empty parking lot, as the manager would not allow the bikes in to his clean, new hotel. The room was nice, comfy pillows, strong A/C, but nothing special. Certainly no London L’Amour Inn. Thank god we only paid a fraction of the price!
The part of the Kuiburi Hotel that was really worth the money was the restaurant, and they didn’t even know they were supposed to mark the food up! The restaurant was set in a stunning, high-ceilinged, open wood room abutting the beach. Massive marble tables, large leather arm-chairs, an attentive wait-staff, and we were the only guests. I think the restaurant opened solely because we said we’d be eating there at check-in. Seven staff members stood at attention, ten feet away, staring at us when not waiting on us. The food was delicious and shockingly cheap. I guess these guys never got the memo that if you are going to mark-up a luxury hotel, you also need to mark up the luxury-food. But what a delight for us! The grounds also boasted a large pool, set flush with the beach, and a state-of-the-art central gym.
After dinner, we walked across the street to a small shack selling treats to buy some ice cream bars. The security guard insisted on escorting us. Strolling by reception, we were surprised that the receptionists and bagboys were still working at 10 PM, despite the fact we were the only guests there. Perhaps they were awaiting more guests? Who knows. Grotesquely sun burnt, we walked by a regal, lit-up fountain en-route to our luxury room, proud of the day’s accomplishments and eager for sleep.
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