Ko Samet: On an Island in the Sun

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A trip to an island “paradise” is surely an understatement for my excursion this weekend. Kho Samed, located about 2.5 hours east of Bangkok, is a tiny, gorgeous island marked by white sandy beaches, beach bars, and bungalows. I found it to be a very nice place for some rest, relaxation, and drunken mayhem that I will most definitely return to before my trip is over.

My friend from UCONN Carl came to visit me for a week and that is what gave me the brilliant idea to take him to an island in SE Asia. We grabbed a third group member when Adam decided to join and we hopped on the BTS to catch a ride to the island.

Our first obstacle was trying to find transportation to the island. I didn’t exactly “plan” the trip out. We just sort of got in the tram and headed in the general direction of where we thought we could find a bus. There was little done for preparation for the trip, so it is somewhat miraculous that 3 young alcoholics were able to pull together to reach a destination such as Kho Samet.

So we found a random Thai guy who offered us a ride in his minivan for the low low price of 200 baht (about 6 USD). We thought we were going to have a comfortable, relaxing ride to our island getaway… wrong again. The bus was already full with cheerful Thai people and there was hardly any room for our bags and us. Now I am sure if you are a 5-foot nothing jolly Thai local, the seats might feel like a kings throne. However, when you are pushing 6’4,” the grass is not greener on the other side. I crammed into the back seat; knees pushed against my chest, and made the best of the next 3 hours.

We arrived in the pier town of Ban Phe and found our way through the streets to the ferry across. The turbulent waves splashed up onto the deck as we chugged across the sea and I got soaked by one of them pretty bad. The view was incredible as we arrived on the island. Rocks jetted from the clear blue water out along the horizon and it once again made me feel very lucky to lead the life I do. Docking was a bit weird. Rather than pulling up to a dock, we pulled up next to 3 other boats and had to jump ship a few times before finally reaching solid ground. Ahoy!

The beach was absolutely gorgeous, white sand as far as the eye could see and there were all sorts of little bars and bbq restaurants to go along with the endless amounts of bungalows. We walked down the way a bit, shopped around for bungalows and settled on the White Sand resort. The place was nice, no air conditioning but we did get a shower and bathroom that was nice.

After spending some time in the water body surfing the waves, we all freshened up and got ready for the night ahead. Dinner was amazing. We sat out on the beach on these little pads with backings to them surrounded by other tourists doing the same. For drinks, I considered settling on a beer, or maybe a single mojito to match the setting, but no, I just had to take it a step further. I ordered up a bucket of booze, literally. The bucket consisted of a few cups of Thai whiskey, Pepsi, red bull, and God knows what else. We each chugged them down swiftly and moved on to dinner. For dinner we got entertainment as well. Exotic fire dancers emerged to the sounds of hip-hop blasting over the loudspeakers at the bar. The MC leading the event had a heavy London/Australian/wasted accent that was comical to listen to. The fire dancers had these sticks that were lit ablaze that they would then twirl around and throw up in the air. It was pretty insane and amused me in my alcohol-induced stupor. They even started jumping on each other’s shoulders while playing with the fire, nutty Thais. I like them, but they are just plain crazies sometimes.

We finished up our dinner on the beach and moved to the party. It was time to get the liquor flowing. Flow it did. Sitting at the wooden bar under the stars, I drank another bucket (ok 3 buckets) of booze and downed some beer. We talked to a few girls outside and then went into this dance club where live music was playing. Either I was demolished at this point, (I was) or the band was amazing (they might have been); all I know is that I was dancing and singing along throughout the night. I remember jumping in front of the stage and looking behind me at one point. Everyone else was sitting down, what an ass I was probably making of myself. O well, I downed two shots of tequila and kept rocking out.

Once the music subsided, I moved back to the bar to try and make friends. Success! I talked to a couple Finnish girls and made friends with a group of Brits. We all talked for a while, I taught them how to shotgun beers, and we made our way to the beach with yet another bucket of poison.

Somehow, this unruly group acquired a guitar and started singing drunken hymns on the beach. My favorite “Wonderwall” was played several times as I howled out the lyrics to the night air. I picked up the reigns and tried playing for a bit, but struggled horribly being as wasted as I was.

I stumbled down the beach a bit, and went to 711 with Adam for a hot dog. What an American I am. We somehow stumbled back home and passed out.

I awoke the next morning around noon very confused and not feeling anywhere near 100%. I’m not going to lie, it was a struggle to emerge from my bungalow, and someone needed to turn off the sun. I was literally dying. The only thing I could bring myself to do, for the entire day that is, was lay out by the beautiful beach.

One unfortunate revelation that presented itself to me was that Carl got his wallet stolen. We searched around and asked random Thai’s if they saw it in our hung-over state, but there was no hope. The police station finally presented some good news, returning his cards and ID, but the money was gone forever. It sucked but things could have been worse….. it could have been my wallet that was lost.

So after an amazing lazy Sunday relaxing on the beach and listening to my ipod, we freshened up and got ready for dinner. We ate next to the crazy fire-dancing venue and got to watch the show again. Those kids are nutty. I had some crazy meal I was not fully expecting. I ordered the fish and it came out on a platter with a fire burning under it as I ate. Talk about a hot meal!

Here is where the drinking once again picked up. I know, I know… I drink a lot and it will most likely one day catch up to me. You know what though, I can’t help it. I have one drink and before you know some Brits are offering me another and then random Thai hookers offer you more and… well it really is hard to say no.

So we moved a bit down the beach to a place that was offering 60 baht ($2) gin and tonics (who in their right mind can say no to that). I told the guys I was not drinking much and fully did not walk the walk on that promise. I chugged about 7 of them while they calmly drank a beer or 2. By the time I ordered up my own bucket of the Thai whiskey (I am addicted to these things), I was getting pretty drunk. Once I finished the bucket, I was hammered.

Then something magical happened, something that only happens in 50 Cent videos or in bad teen movies: a group of 12 smoking hot girls entered the bar opposite of where we were sitting. This was incredible and put me in a fantastic mood. Only bad thing is, I had gone and become too drunk to operate as a member of society. I stumbled out into the ocean to take a leak and when I returned, Carl and Adam had managed to lure in a few of the girls.

I sat with them all for a while spewing out drunken babble and incoherent sentence fragments before receiving a phone call from one of the Brits from the night before. I told him I would come drink with him for a few and made my way down the beach, leaving behind Carl, Adam, and the mysterious group of beautiful young girls. I fell 3 times as I walked to my Golgitha down the beach. I finally reached the bar and there was Jack, absolutely “lushed” (some British terminology for ya’ll) falling off the side of the bar. We greeted each other with a head nod and he challenged me to a race chugging the next bucket of booze. I swiftly defeated the Brit (though not by much at all) and picked him up to carry him back to my bar.

We barely could walk at this point. I had to carry Jack on my shoulder as we sung a few drunken tunes and happily cried out towards the water. As we made our way over a cluster of rocks, Jack lost his footing. We both took quite a spill until we landed on the hard sand below. Jack was unfortunate and hit a large rock on his plummet down that left a mark the next morning (I just gave it away that he actually survived to the next morning, o well).

We met up with Carl and Adam and they filled us in on their happenings. Apparently, one of the beautiful girls they were with had taken all her clothing off and swam in the water earlier. Sometimes I miss things in life that I truly do regret missing, and this was one of those events. However, life goes on; how much longer is another story, but it goes on all the same.

We talked with the girls for a bit until Jack dead up passed out on the table. It was time to bring the drunken Brit back to his countrymen. So I grabbed him over my shoulder again and repeated the actions that had been previously carried out in the night. I arrived back at the main bar on the beach and discussed Jacks state with his friends. Soon after, Carl, Adam and a few other girls from the other bar joined us.

Now I must tell the fabled story of how I got shut down by a Finnish girl since I could not find my own telephone number.

I was sitting at the bar with some kid from New Zealand when all of a sudden a Finnish goddess (ok maybe she wasn’t that attractive but hey, I was a mess) came up and started talking to me. Honestly, I have no idea how she could have possibly understood my slurred rabbling, but she somehow did. At one point, she asked for my number since she was going to be visiting Bangkok in the coming days. I said sure and then began a frantic search trying to find the dam thing. I have never had a phone that doesn’t offer an option where you can see your own number, but this one did not. Adam and Carl then entered the hunt for my number that I had written down and saved at one point. I went as far as sprinting to my bungalow and searching everywhere. No luck though, I never found the number and returned to the Fin with nothing. To top things off, at the end of the night, some Thai kid stood up at the end of the bar. This guy was 5 feet if he wasn’t an inch tall. He walked over to the Finnish girl, tapped her on the shoulder, and she vanished into the night air. Do you have any idea what happens to your self-esteem when a girl chooses a scrawny Thai local over yourself? It plummets. I was later informed that the guy was a fire juggler, so he had that on me. At least I was wasted though.

After drowning my sorrows a bit more, we made our way to grab some food before stumbling back home to the bungalow.

A awoke the next morning half off the bed and not feeling so hot. I took a quick shower and moved out to the beach to get some breakfast. Adam, Carl and the Brits al eventually met me out there and we talked through the afternoon, reminiscing about the weekend’s occurrences.

Eventually, as they always do, good things had to come to an end. We had to make our way back to the pier and head back to Bangkok. Crossing over on the ferry, some Thai people were singing along together with some guitar accompaniment. They were not too bad for singing in a different language then I was accustomed to. I sat out on the top deck of the ferry and watched my island paradise disappear past the breakwater. It did not take long to find our way to the bus station and hop on a bus back home. After about 4 hours travel time (and 2 horrific movies that were not even in English) we got back to the Chateau without much trouble.

What a great vacation.

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