Great Expectations (this one's for you Annie!)

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Saturday 16th June
Not a brilliant start to the day. After last night quite a few of us are on edge - not to mention tired after not getting to bed until 3.30am, and I wasn't even the last one to leave!
I had a few words with Arnon first of all this morning, or rather I told him a few things that he didn't want to hear and he looked like he was going to cry, which made me upset, then Annie told him that they wanted me to go to Bnagkok with them, not him. He retreated into his room in a big sulk! Then because the internet has been down for most of the week we went off to an internet cafe to check emails (even though I was upset/angry I still checked "work" emails!) and Felicity wanted to book flights to Phuket. Finally, about 2 hours late, we set off to Bangkok. We ended up having a brilliant..if um, slightly bizarre time. Really we can laugh about it now! First of all we got lost when we arrived in Bangkok trying to find Alices hotel so that she could leave luggage whilst she swanned off to Koh Tau for a few days of topping up (or rather evening out the dodgy 'elephant camp tan" that you get here) her tan and having some r & r before meeting her bf back in BKK next week. We eventually found the Sukhothai (swanky) after driving up and down the same road a few times. Then on to the Hilton (also swanky) where Annie was spending the night before flying home tomorrow. We all tropped up to her room to have a nosey and, remember this, the first thing that Annie did was throw herself down on the fresh white bedlinen and say how much she was looking forward to sleeping in the gorgeous, huge bed later. I developed a severe case of kleptomania here and within seconds had pocketed every pen, pencil, note pad, envelope, shower gel, shower cap (why? I don't even use them!) and anything else not nailed down. The plan then was to do a bit of sightseeing (I have a vague memory that I was on this trip as a guide......), shopping, sort out Alices tickets & have something to eat. We started with lunch. And it turned into a rather long lunch well oiled with a couple of nice bottles of wine. The food was delicious and we had lots of it, the conversation was scintillating and the view was amazing - well it was if you could see it. I had my back to it but I was imagining the Chao Phraya river as I chomped my chicken satay, pasta, ice cream........ and the rest!
After lunch I decided to re-abuse the Sheratons free wi-fi (see previous blogs from Bangkok) and Alice & Annie went off to book the tickets to Kho Tau. Pe needed to sleep after having driven to Bangkok for the past 3 days, so Annie gave him the key to her room. We'd already decided that we would stay the night (I'm such a bad parent, leaving Bua on her own already - I did remember to send a text later asking someone to feed her), the plan being that Annie & I would share the bed (it was sooo huge) & Pe would sleep on the sofa. Hmmmm..... Anyway, Annie & Alice met me at the Sheraton to say that Alice had to go straight away, so we headed back to the Hilton for her to get her bag. We thought that Pe might be asleep, and we did joke about what state we would find him in when we entered the room. So we sent Alice in first, as she was leaving - it was her last duty. And here I find myself in a bit of a quandry because I do realise that people might chance upon my blog & it could well be a promotional tool for the camp. Hopefully they will read it and want to come. However this blog is about much more than just the elephant camp itself, about the ups and downs I go through adjusting to life in Thailand. And basically some stories are just too damn funny not to tell!!
We tiptoed into the room behind Alice with her making lots of noise to warn Pe....and found him stark NAKED in Annies bed. Yes the crisp white linen bedecked bed that she had been so looking forward to crashing out into! My enduring image of entering that room will be him sat up with the crisp white sheet tucked under his chin to maintain (?) his modesty! Of course we were very grown up about it..... We collapsed ungraciously (& noticably I'm sure) into the bathroom in hysterics, trying to do that quiet laughter thing that ends up sounding even louder because you're trying to keep it in. The best was yet to come though as Alice said goodbye to Pe, complete with Thai Wai (polite prayer like hand positioning with a slight bow), saying how she had enjoyed seeing "so much" of him! The best thing to do was make a hasty retreat (thinking he too would hastily get his clothes back on) so we went down to wave Alice across the river on her way to Koh Tau (via the bus station) and then hit the bar on the 32nd floor to take in the views, made even more amazing by the thunderstorm. Annie disappeared for what she says was about 10 minutes to see if Pe wanted to come & have a drink with us (otherwise known as "get your butt naked ass outta my bed") but I did query her time keeping - I managed to get another drink & almost fell asleep so no way was it 10 minutes - oh hang on I usually manage to fall asleep on the 20 minute journey back from camp every day.... Can you believe she was actually feeling sorry for him, poor thing, all alone in that massive luxurious room with beautiful bed (I'm not going to go on about it), views of Bangkok, satellite TV..... She returned to say that he had been fast asleep, still in her crisp white - and feather filled! - linen. So the decision had to be made - who was sleeping where tonight? We had 4 choices:
1. We woke Pe up, made him sleep on the sofa (I did say it was a very swanky hotel) and Annie & I shared the bed as per original plan. Problem: I really didn't fancy sleeping in those sheets - what if he'd orderd porn on pay-per-view?
2. We jumped in and all shared. Problem: as above, and oh yeah I didn't really fancy sharing with Pe...
3. We woke Pe up etc. and called room service to change the bedding. Problem? As Annie pointed out that made it look as though she'd finished with her Thai rent boy and now wanted clean sheets for her lesbian lover....
4. We booked another room and left Pe in his blissful slumber.
Guess which option won?

So.......when we woke up next morning, one of us either side of Pe......no..of course the correct answer was option 4.
Unfortunately this meant that Annie did have to sleep in a single (of twin) bed - rather than king-size - and she had to put up with rubbish date me who promptly crawled under the (admittedly very lovely crisp white feather filled - sorry!) duvet and fell asleep. The upside to this part of the story is that I did get to do a kleptomania sweep of a second room!
Annie went to settle her bill, during which time we discovered that not only had Pe enjoyed a luxurious room to himself and a very scrumptious lunch - ahem, with hand holding ;o) but he had also helped himself to some beers from the mini bar, cheeky bastard!
And still it got better!!!
On our way to breakfast we met Pe, and Annie remembered that she'd left her shoes in the room that he stayed in. When she mentioned it to him he pointed at his feet. Yep he was wearing her shoes! Being the calm, polite English lady that she is Annie let this pass (while I collapsed again trying to do the quiet laughing thing) and we went down for breakfast. Breakfast was delicious, we had some cooked & fruit, Pe had cooked, fruit, toast....it almost came to blows when he opened the honey that I'd stolen (I don't even like honey but you never know when it will come in handy. Like shower caps!)
Over breakfast we did have to have the conversation of 'how to get the shoes back' and again Annie was terribly polite & English, explaining to Pe that they were'nt hers, she had borrowed them and so he couldn't keep them as she had to give them back. He didn't look too keen to do this though, so in order to get her shoes back Annie had to go and ask at reception for the key again, then walk through the (as afore mentioned swanky hotel - the reception area especially) with Pe's manky old flip flops in her hand. As we said at the time "what a fackin' liberty!!!!!'

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Photos

Helping Alice to choose her pudding over lunch at the Bangkok Hilton!
no not that one....
For some reason she was going to order the same one as me, and as anyone that knows the law of pudding would confirm, that's just a waste of pudding. The whole idea is that you order different & try each one!

As Annie named this one....
You can take the girl out of Pattaya.... That's the classy chick I've become! Ok always was!

Comments

[Annie]

I was so looking forward to this blog......
My lovely Sam , I was waiting expectantly for this blog and you havent let me down. After having a horrible day ( crunched the car on way to work- ouch!) you have made me laugh so much, tears are running down my face ! I will pass by the scurolous suggestion that I was longer than 10 mins when I went back to try and wake him up !! and yes there was a bit of hand holding over lunch- but then as you say I was well oiled(and having looked at the photos - your right it does look like 'HE LOVES ME! - and on one I look like I love him ! (for obvious reasons not forwarding that one on!) far too much wine and emotion on that day! I still have the image of Alice saying her polite goodbyes whilst you and I are practically screaming with laughter ! I of course am elaborating the story each time I tell it , by this time next week according to me, Pe will have been swinging from the chandelier shouting -'come on girls, come and get me !!' When I was telling one of the girls about the 'how do we get the linen changed without looking like trollops' dilema - she very quickly( a bit too quickly- hmm mispent youth I wonder?) said ' you should have intentionally dropped a cup of coffee on the bed ! Serves us right for being too sloshed for rational thought ! I did tell her that we came up with all sorts of ideas in the cold light of day! We couldnt laugh about it at the time and did that very british thing of smiling sweetly infront of his face and then as soon as he walked away said what we really thought! ( just picture us doing the Catherine Tate Grandma thing - 'what a liberty!') However I am very proud of us - 'DIGNITY at all times darrlink!' To all those who stumble across Sams blog and are considering going to the elephant camp - DO, ITS FANTASTIC - however I have to say i am sure the experince would not have been half as good if it were not for the lovely Sam and Alice who I was lucky enough to be with. Now I am back home with a bump - literally if you remember that I crunched my car this morning ! my trip seems such a long time ago however I will NEVER forget the time I spent with you Sam and Alice and WE MUST organise that reunion - I am planning lots of overtime already ! 10/6 my lovely Sam and Alice. Annie xx