First day of traveling

---

Flooding, lots of booze, and of course it's a capital city and they love tourists so lots are trying to sell my stuff that wouldn't normally do. For example, eat an insect, watch a girl popping a ping pong ball out of her vagina or get a foot massage in the street.

Of course we did all of the above, why wouldn't we? It's bloody cheap! I got a foot massage for the equivalent of 2pounds. Originally I was pleased to know I would be getting a woman to massage me (Kimpton had a man), but less pleased to see that she had developed female pattern baldness. I didn't even know that existed. Anyway, she willingly attacked my feet in a way no-one else has done before. It wasn't like going to the barber's either, she had absolutely no chat or banter unlike john's lady who seemed to be enjoying herself. Maybe it's because she was balding, perhaps more women are like this back home they just hide it a lot better, I think they're right for doing this as I can't see it getting into fashion. I left the massage bed in the street not really feeling any different.

What I am definitely feeling at the moment is ring sting, having gone for a poo mid blogging. I got reminded that I ate noodles with a ridiculous amount of chili last night. Again, I didn't even need it, I just bought it and ate it as it was so cheap. The night out was good, it reminded me a little bit of Glastonbury or what I imagine a magaloof type holiday to be like, still it was fun. I danced (apparently) with a lady boy in the club (there was no touching) as john pointed out as I went over to get a drink with him, she had a build like Phil Vickery. It's annoying, I'm just not accustomed to looking out for ladyboys on a night out, I then had to ask a every Thai girl if they were a ladyboy before engaging in conversation with them in the club.

Before this, of course we had a failed attempt at seeing ping pong show which would see the three of us ride across town in a tukuk and see a pingpong show all for 200 baht (2pounds) a bargain, but of course it's a bargain, it's Thailand. The dickhead driving the tuktuk lied to us: there was no pingpong show at this dodgy location halfway across town, but a ladyboy show and he joked that the pingpong show would be him popping the pingpong out of his arse, but no-one was laughing. Anyway, he drove us back for 400 baht between us, not bad maybe for a cultural drunk tuktuk ride, although I did feel like a might fall out the sides of it at times. Whoever first came up with those for idea for a taxi can't have been thinking straight, what's wrong with a real taxi with the sides still on it?

Insect eating sounds adventurous but it wasn't really. It mainly tasted of cooking oil and salt. We tried a locust, and as I bit into I could tell how it walks on vertical building as it's feet gripped onto my tongue and it wasn't even alive - that's some strong feet they've got. I'm glad I did it, a bit of tourist gimic I guess, but why not I've always wanted to know what an insect tastes like.

We're leaving Thailand today as the flooding is up to our ankles in parts. It's quite fun in a lot of ways, I don't think many other travelers would have seen the city like this. I've just got massive urge to waterski on the back of a vehicle through the street, what a way to get around that would be.

I've got to go now, as I've got 11 minutes to check out of the hostel and I've lost the key to my padlock with all my stuff in - wish me luck!

---