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Published: October 12th 2008
So I¡¦ve managed to lose 50% of the shoes I packed in various places and ways over the last 12 days. I know, very unlike me but let me start from the beginning, as it wasn¡¦t my entire fault - only 66.6%.
So our little Thai adventure on the way to greener pastures began when Uncle Brian picked us up from Bangkok airport and drove us back to Pattaya. On the way there I got a quick geography lesson of the area with my favourite site being the giant overpass currently under construction, which doesn¡¦t actually pass over anything. Brian explained that they will build something under it for it to pass over in the next couple of years and being a foreigner to the area who was I to question this seemingly illogical process.
That night as we walked around Pattaya, Mik and I started to notice a disturbing trend. Everywhere we looked we saw fat disgusting old white men strolling around with beautiful young Thai girls on their arms. We went out for dinner and had a few drinks in some of the bars, Mik overcame her fear of snakes as one was draped around us
and we learnt Brian¡¦s favourite drink was Song-Sam Coke. I also found myself stuck in the middle of a double / triple cross manoeuvre between Dad and Uncle Brian who insisted on tricking each other with Brian saying he¡¦d set up a young 25 yr old Thai girl to ask why Neil no longer send her money and I was apparently shocked. Brian then told Dad Mik and I had got insanely drunk, started dancing on a bar and had gotten a tattoo of the word Dad on my shoulder with an arrow through it! To keep things going I emailed Dad my disapproval of the age of his Thai girl and he replied saying I¡¦d been had. Well I¡¦m sorry Dad - but looks like Brian won this round because I knew it was a lie all along and you¡¦ve been had! Or was it all a lie? Oh god - I¡¦m getting out of this sibling rivalry!
Anyway as you do on your first day of holidays Mik and I had booked in for a dental appointment. We walk in and report to the dentist that Mik would like a check-up, clean and whitening and I would
like a check-up, the inevitable fillings that would follow and a clean. He took us into his clinic one at a time, looked at our teeth ad told us both that we didn¡¦t need anything done. Our teeth were too white to whiten, too clean to clean, and no fillings were needed! When we asked how much we owed him for the consultation he simply smiled and said - no charge. Feeling incredulous we walked out laughing our little white teeth off!
And the toilets. We need a whole paragraph on them alone although I fear even then we won¡¦t be able to do them justice! Varied and ranging in degrees of horrific-ness, we have learned that a sense of humour helps especially when faced with squat toilets on 3rd class train compartments (the unexpected stopping also did not help matters). Whilst discovering muscles in our thighs we never knew we had, giving ourselves golden showers and the joys of no toilet paper we can now call ourselves experienced in Thai toiletry habits. In particular, what I have affectionately dubbed the ¡§poo shooter¡¨ but which is probably known as something far more official, can double as a shower something
Mik discovered in Koh Phangan when the shower would not work.
That night we had what Mik and I both still believe to be the best night of our trip so far. It started off in a beautiful restaurant Brian took us to over the water. After enjoying a lovely smorgasbord of food we found the male and female signs for the toilet to be quite amusing and whilst replicating them for a photo, Brian sneakily paid the bill - again! We moved on from there to a place called ¡§Walking Street¡¨ which was lit up like Las Vegas and had giant toys strolling around making people laugh. Brian had taught us that ¡§Im Lao¡¨ meant ¡§I¡¦ve already eaten¡¨ and so feeling quite authentic I kept saying this to the many restaurant sales people standing out the front enticing us to come inside. It was only when Brian stopped and looked at me laughing when I realised I¡¦d been offered a sex show - to which I¡¦d replied ¡§I¡¦ve already eaten¡¨ Mind you the sex-salesman out the front was even more confused and I couldn¡¦t stop laughing at the whole thing. On Walking Street Brian took us to a
girly bar where the mama-san (main older lady looking after the girls) decided that Mikaela could make her a lot of money and she proceeded to pretend to look up Mik¡¦s skirt to ¡§check our her goods¡¨ Hysterical.
We then moved onto a bar where there were girls but they were fully clothed and making small talk with the fat old disgusting white men, which were everywhere. Mik and I got talking to two Thai women in particular and after hearing stories of their children and laughing with them over how young they looked the 80 year old sprightly mama-san came over and suggested Tequilas were in order. Mik and I say ¡§of course - 4 Tequilas!¡¨ Mama-san walks off and brings over another girl and says ¡§this my other daughter¡¨ 5 Tequilas we yell! Mama-San walks off again and brings back another girl ¡§this my niece¡¨ 6 Tequilas!!! Finally at a grand total of 8 Tequilas - woohoo - we actually receive the shots and everyone has their shot amongst much hysteria and laughing. One dirty old man actually has the nerve to give Mik and I a filthy look since we are stealing all his filthy thunder.
The mama-san then takes mik and I down to the dance floor where we jump around to the band and I¡¦ve attached a 2 second movie of the three of us cha- cha-ing back to our spots! After another round of Tequilas for yet more family members Brian sneakily pays the bill again (I was too scared to ask how much it would have been) and we head off to watch a Thai boxing match. I managed to catch one of the boxers eyes and as I was madly cheering for him Brian leans over and says ¡§that¡¦s gonna cost you¡¨. Sure enough as soon as he¡¦d won he ran straight over - never one to miss a photo op I got my pic with him and slipped him a 100 Baht note (approx $3.50).
The night ended at Brian¡¦s favourite bar amongst more hysteria, free drinks and Thai smiles. They all wanted Brian to be their take home man but Brian was more interested in the Songsam Coke and has assured us he doesn't partake of the local delights 😊 Such a fantastic night!
The next morning Mik and I tuk tuk¡¦d it to our favourite pool
for our morning routine of breakfast, relax and swim by the pool, manicure, pedicure or facial, lunch, meet up with Brian and start drinking at bars. Sounds tough doesn¡¦t it? So this particular morning at the pool there is yet another fat old white guy waddling about and I suppose he is curious as to why Mik and I would be in Pattaya because we are the ONLY young white western women in the place. Mik had just gone to the bathroom when he fat-paddled over and asked where I was from. When I replied Australia he said, ¡§have you ever seen so many pathetic, ugly, loser deadshits in one place as there are here in Pattaya? I¡¦m embarrassed to be a white guy - I keep telling people I¡¦m albino African American.¡¨ At this I burst out laughing which is when Mik returned and was highly confused that I would be laughing with one of our sworn enemies. This guy said he was just there getting his teeth done and although it could have been true, by the end of the conversation I had my suspicions that he was just like the rest of them but a lot more
aware of how he would of looked to us.
Although there was the downside to Pattaya with all the fugly old men, the girls there were wonderful - really friendly, warm and of course always up for a drink. After Pattaya, Brian came on the bus with us to Bangkok where we spent a day and a half on Koh San Road, checked out the Grand Palace and were very pleased with ourselves when we manufactured closed toed shoes using socks and thongs to respectfully walk around the palace in. On Koh San Road we ran into our old work photographer and had a drink with her but the stresses of the big city got the better of us and we ended up fighting and calling it an early night. The following morning we ended up arguing over how much to pay a dodgy tuk tuk driver and feeling quite upset and homesick it was a relief to get to the train station to start making our way down to the calmer islands. On arriving at the train station we were told that all the sleeper 1st class, sleeper 2nd class, and seats 2nd class were sold out. Only
3rd class seats left. Deciding to brave the cattle class we had 40 mins in the bar to prepare ourselves. 2 beers later and feeling a little braver we boarded the train to be pleasantly surprised - although the benches were quite hard we had a little booth to ourselves so we could lie down. Mik even said she was actually disappointed with the lack of chooks. She had already decided on the names of Tooky, Wooky, Chooky and Lookey! Disappointments aside -we told a Thai train guard we would pay him 20 Bath (80 cents) to wake us up at our stop at 5 in the morning and we settled in for a relatively good nights sleep! Too bad I didn¡¦t ask him to check we had all our belongings as this is where my frist pair of shoes was sacrificed - my poor new cowboy boots left behind when in a half-asleep state we made our way off the train ƒ¼
The next three days Mik was doing her diving course and I literally lay on the chair outside our little beach bungalow, ate ham and cheese pancakes and read my book or listened to music. It
Tuk tuk thingy in Pattaya
Mik was very nervous about getting killed by the traffic and Brian had to hold her hand each time we crossed the roads - no objections from him funnily enoughwas bliss. Where our hut was was right next to the swimming pool and you had to shower before entering. Needless to say I spent many minutes admiring the sculptured form of the male body¡Kmmmmm yum. Sorry Dad - I only looked.
On day three Mik decided diving wasn¡¦t for her and instead we took a laptop, headed to the pub and blessed out watching a movie. We explored ¡§yellow brick road¡¨ a section of the island with lots of great bars and met other travellers including the hilarious and sweet DJ Andy P who promptly fell for Mikaela but went unfulfilled when Mik didn't return the feelings. We danced with the locals at one bar and Mik's bag got stolen at another. The next morning while waiting for the bar to open to see if Mik¡¦s bag was there I was reassuring her that she was with me now and I usually get stuff back. Unconvinced Mik and I screamed with delight when we arrived at the bar and her bag was there - only the camera and money was gone but her prescription glasses, all her make up and her broken watch was still there!
So
last but not least we trekked to Koh Phangan. This is where I lost my second pair of shoes. Half asleep stepping off the ferry one of my thongs just slipped off into the water. I was carrying my huge pack and was pretty exhausted but could only laugh and limp off. Nevertheless I swear that place is laced with the lazy vibe cos Mik and I could not be bothered doing anything but laying at the bar on the beach, lazily checking emails and talking with the English resort owner who insisted on waking us up two out of the three nights to come drinking with him. As we were the only people staying at the resort I was even allowed behind the bar to create my own cocktail which I called the Mikalex - ok not very original. It was totally random but tasted delicious! Recipe: 3 shots of cointrou, 1 shot of Bacardi Rum, 1 splash of Malibu, pineapple juice, orange juice, Lipton ice tea and a red bull. Add ice, shake and it serves 3 perfectly! As Dilmah would say - do try it!
The half moon party on Koh Phangan was amazing as well.
As I have described to some people it is exactly like the electric eel film clip by MGMT. For you oldies that means a crazy jungle party with fluoro people everywhere dancing in the rain! We met some Israeli guys in the line - they are gorgeous and everywhere as it¡¦s their Yom Kippur holidays at the moment. I showed them my Israeli ring Em gave me and they were duly impressed. I had the worst Tequila shot of my life, was told by a fellow Aussie girl that my mascara had run all over my face and was having the time of my life dancing in the Thai jungle till the sun came up - fantastic and highly recommended. Apparently the full moon parties are on the beach and too overcrowded now days so the jungle ones are better.
Now we are on our way back to Bangkok via bus. My third pair of shoes died today when we were struggling with our packs on an uneven very long pier at Champhun on I was lucky not to fall in the water when my thong strap broke. A little yelp escaped my lips but that was all and
accepting my fate I stooped to pick up the other one and proceeded barefoot.
So apparently there is some sort of revolution going on in Bangkok and our bus has been travelling on a detour dirt road for the past 1.5 hours - not sure if its connected. We hopefully fly to Abu Dhabi tomorrow but will check our flight is confirmed when we arrive in Bangkok. I wouldn¡¦t of minded being stuck in the Islands but I couldn¡¦t stand staying in Bangkok longer than another day!
Well I love and miss you all. Thanks for the emails and face book messages. Now I¡¦m onto create some amazing memories with Emma, Gav and Brendan and Chevvy in the Middle East - CAN¡¨T WAIT!!!!
Lotsa Love,
Alexis and Mikaela
xoxoxox
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Hungry Jac
non-member comment
You guys are hilarious!!!!!! Love the pics... they're all 'number 1!!!' Be well xxx