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Published: August 9th 2007
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OK, so that's the last entry from SE Asia and I'm actually writing this from Wellington in New Zealand, so probably forgot half of what happened already! Yeah, I actually wish I did...and you'll see why I wish that in a moment.
Going to Bangkok second time around was like going back to your home town - familiar. That's also where I was meeting my friend Angela who, by the way, showed all of us the whole new meaning of bartering. At times, there seemed to be this very thin line bordering with abuse but it was more important to get things cheaply than anything else. And the vendors on KhaoSan Rd overcharge so much, it's ridiculous, so Angela decided to tell them what the price should be, stick the notes in their hands, grab the product and walk away. She always made sure she asked if they were happy though - it was hard not to be with money in their hands, so it was all good. They did seem somewhat confused.
Unfortunately for my wallet, Bangkok is a damn good place for shopping and tailors. Yes, I went to see another tailor and got myself more rags.
I'm probably just fine for another 10 years. I seriously had to leave that country before I made myself bankrupt! It was ridiculous and exciting!
One of the great places to do your shopping there is the night market. So, we decided to head there. It appeared it was a teeny weeny too late on the evening we wanted to go there and we were advised to go and see a ping pong show instead. Not so much a shopping trip but why the devil not?! I've heard stuff about it but always very generic and vague, so was keen to see it for myself. Well, let me tell you one thing: this show made me question my own abilities, that's for sure ;o) For those who don't have a clue, a ping pong show is all about Thai women going up on the stage, usually equipped with a pole, and doing "fancy" things with their "you-know-whats". That must be setting your imagination on fire. And rightly so! It was certainly something I hadn't expected. Well, to be more precise, they put things inside their "you-know-whats" and then pull these things out if front of the audience. Just to
give you an example: they would stick a bottle opener in "there"and then open a bottle of coke (which was pretty impressive to be honest). Or, they would pull out meters and meters of chains out of "there" - I couldn't stop wondering how big they were inside! Is there something that happens to a woman's body after a certain age that I don't know about??? Seriously, it was rather disturbing but too funny not to watch at the same time. The funniest thing about this though was that every single girl that was "performing" looked so damn bored - it added to the weirdness of the whole experience. They were kind of doing the intro dance while checking out who's coming to the bar or what drinks are being ordered. Soon after, they would move on to grabbing whatever they would stick up themselves beforehand and pull it out gracefully or not - that depended on the girl. Seriously, they could show more interest in the whole activity and the public as some folks watching the show seemed veeery interested in what was going on on stage. I must admit, I found it more entertaining to be watching the
crowd rather than the "you-know-what" performers. So funny...
So, after a series of different objects being pulled out of their "you-know-whats", there was another piece that I wasn't expecting: a live shag show. Oh my Lord - why oh why!!! All I can say is that it was so soulless and...uneventful that it almost put me off sex for life! How terrible would THAT be??? Anyway, I'm not even going to describe the whole thing in here as it's a respectable publication (but you can ask me anything next time we catch up) ;o) I'm also trying to erase that from my memory, so you better hurry up if you want to know more details!
And all of that because we wanted to go to the night market...
Second attempt with the night market didn't go as planned either. We got to the area (Pat Pong) and decided to go and eat first. We went to a restaurant that was just opposite this dodgy street with all the bars where they have dodgy shows. Fair enough, we thought, we are doing the touristy bits. After stepping out of the restaurant, we thought it'd be cool to take a picture of the dodgy street by which point we were accosted by a bloke who was inviting us to see a show. Since we were not into Thai boys, or simply, not into watching a dodgy shag show, we were not really interested. However (and that's where the trouble starts), the bloke had a picture of a show with beautifully dressed up lady boys, so something aesthetically pleasing, shall we say (and you know how much I love going to the theatre!). We asked if we could see that (since we were there, you know...). He said yes...and took us to one of the dodgy clubs. Dear or dear, that was an experience. First thing, there were lots of Thai boys standing on stage with just their underpants on. Fair enough - some people (read men of different age) may find it entertaining. What happened next is history. Let's put it this way, I now have seen how boys with imagination do it... Travelling can get really expensive when including the therapy costs back home...
Eventually, we managed to get out and finally get to the night market, which by the way, was totally worth it!!! So, that was a winner!
As you can see, Bangkok is a crazy place and you just end up in dodgy places without even looking for them. Oh well, at least I've done it and I know what NOT to see there next time.
Apart from that, it was all the same: p*ssed white guys (usually English of course) and sadly, lots of them hanging around with Thai prostitutes. It's something I wish I hadn't seen but that's what you get when you are getting back to your hotel in the morning hours - all the sleaze. And all those Thai people having to deal with all that. You can see they have no respect in their eyes but they know that's where the money comes so they might as well just get on with it. So sad.
Another interesting fact is that apparently, there are 7 women to 1 man in Thailand, so if you are a bloke and you like the Asian type, you are in the right place. Most of the time those women look for white guys purely for economic reasons as that's the only option to survive. One question that bothers me though is what happened to Thai men??? They can't all be gay!!!
Anyways, Bangkok will stay in my memory forever, it seems. Not always for good reasons but definitely different ones to what I'm used to. If we think anything goes in London, then Bangkok changes that belief and shows a new level of it. I did have a great time there and will go back, even if it's just to head to see more islands that I didn't have a chance to go to this time. Altogether, I loved SE Asia and met some wonderful people I travelled with, so it has been a great place for me that has taught me many things about myself and the world, e.g. that we should never assume things - I have a tendency to do that and so I had to quickly learn not to as Asia is never what it seems... Don't you just have a feeling you've heard it somewhere before?
Closing off this chapter and moving on to somewhere where I won't have to be sweating that much - well, not because of the outdoor temperatures at least - New Zealand. Apparently, that's where God lives. Let's see if we can say hello!
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