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Published: April 17th 2009
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I loved attending kindergarten because I get to eat free champorado
(sweet chocolate rice porridge), adored wearing our pink uniform, take afternoon naps, do fun activities, sleep during lessons and skip classes whenever I want to. The crayons fascinated me most. My parents couldn’t afford luxury so they could only buy me the 8 pieces Crayola set. I would see my classmates owning 16 pcs. or the 24 pcs. set or even more, and I remember looking in jealousy every time they parade their bright, multi-colored crayons. One day I decided that I wanted to have as much and brought home the ones owned by the school. Until now, I still couldn't figure out how my kindergarten teacher found out that it was me who took them
(or maybe she didn't, I vaguely remember the complete details). One afternoon, she paid our house a visit and queried my mother about the lost crayons. I was so scared that I hid under the bed while my mom and my teacher talked. My mom didn’t know about the crayons, nobody else knew about the crayons because I never showed it to anyone else. I got away with it and swore to myself that never
again will I take anything that isn't mine.
I was very competitive during grade school, it was my escape from boredom. Every start of the school year I would go to school with enthusiasm. One afternoon, I saw this boy with khaki slacks and white tee shirt playing
patintero at the school playground. He would become my first crush...oh, puppy love? My best friend, who knew about the "secret", did something intentionally to get me into a face-to-face contact with him. That very instant, the world stopped moving and there were ... what do they call it?
butterflies in my stomach?, I felt my blood rushing to my face, my tongue voluntarily stuck to my tonsils and I wasn’t even able to utter a sensible word. I was just standing there in a daze, looking stupid. Think about heart attack! How embarrassing was that!
High School was full of fun and drama. No Leonardo DiCaprio could still match that cute guy in khaki slacks and white tee shirt. No more awkward face to face incident, but self inflicted embarrassment would still continue and I always did a good job! Self confidence was zero, I was painfully shy.
Studies wasn’t too serious anymore during college, although I never skipped classes and did well enough at school. By the end of this schooling thing, I just wanted my parents to have something to be proud of and I too, had a dream for myself. Besides, I wouldn’t want to waste my time and my parent’s hard earned money.
I am 25 today … going through the best and the worst times, lost and confused like never before.
So this is how people are welcomed to quarter life? Most times I just want to scream it out and run far far away where I can live incognito, where I can cry my heart out, where I can be mean, where I can be mad at everything, where I can spend all the time figuring out what have gone wrong or realize perhaps, that there is nothing wrong.
Maybe some things just became too overwhelming that I reached my saturation point. Maybe I just need to unload. Maybe this is just some sort of initiation to a new stage of human existence ... maybe.
Someday I’ll read this again and I’ll be laughing. I'll apparently figure everything out, then I'll be happy again without any reason at all.
It couldn't be that bad, I am a very blessed grown-up girl who at the moment, just can't focus on the bright morning sunshine.
Back in those days, I used to hear my Grandfather sing this song a lot:
"When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be?
Will I be pretty, will I be rich?
Here's what she said to me,
Que Sera, Sera." He barely stood five feet and he was fondly called "the little father". It must have been one of his favorite songs.
Yes, whatever will be will be, but growing up is definitely too OVERRATED.
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liliram
liliram
hi tinnie!
glad to come across your blog. always happy to find filipinos blogging about the country. very well done, tinnie. i thoroughly enjoyed ALL your blogs. And hey, don't sulk.......whenever i meet young people like you, i smile to myself to say " aah, to be young again". You have the whole world in front of you. And you "started" young with your travels and your blogging. There is just so much to enjoy. Be happy!