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Published: December 24th 2007
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The offerings
Ben’s sister is carrying a plate containing the offerings that will be left at the temple. These include fruit, candles, money, incense, rice and flowers. The Big Feast
People in Nepal love to have feasts. Newars have probably developed the art of the feast to the highest level of any group in Nepal. While their old culture is centered around many rituals, each ritual goes hand in hand with a feast. The most important of all the feasts in the lifetime of an individual are probably the wedding feast and the feast after death.
When a person dies in the Newar tradition, the paternal family must “sit in” for 7 to 14 days, depending upon the cast. The paternal family consists of the mother, father, sons, sons wives and children, unmarried sisters, and grandparents. In the tradition of Ben’s family, the married sisters come back to the home at that time and cook food for the family sitting in. That family is considered polluted for the period of those 7 days, and may not change clothes, bathe, or look in a mirror. Their food is cooked for them, and they are not allowed to handle food or dishes that will be used by anyone outside the family. During that time, well wishers from the extended family and community come to pay their respects, bringing with them
100,000 lights
These ceramic pots contain a total of 100,000 cotton wicks. They are decorated with the traditional Hindu/Buddhist swastika design which symbolizes the four directions and spiritual release. food items that will be helpful for the family during their period of grief. While the sitting in can be tiresome, it is also a chance for the family to reminisce about their loved one, and spend quality time together with no other obligations. At the end of the 7 days, all of the cloth items in the entire house must be washed. The women must go out into the courtyard to ritually bathe, and receive a blessing. The men then go to the river, shave their heads, and perform a puja.
Sometime after the sitting in period, the family prepares a feast for the people who came to pay their respects during that time. In the case of Ben’s mother, that was about 350 people. A feast of that size is usually prepared by outside parties. Ours was prepared by the people who own the Green Party House, where it was to be hosted.
The day began with a mandatory puja at a special Buddhist temple near Ben’s house. The temple was jammed full of worshippers already, and our 30 or so more only added to the chaos. On this day the goal of the puja was to light
The Blessings of Fire
Any person who comes to the temple is free to enjoy the benefits of the fires we have lit there. 100,000 lights. Each one of them was a tiny cotton wick, which had been hand spun by Ben’s older sisters and cousins. The wicks were distributed amongst 5 ceramics pots, soaked in oil, and then lit. After they were lit we carried them around the temple and left them burning at the four corners of the temple as well as one in the front. It is always interesting as to how little agreement there is about exactly how to perform a puja of this sort. If the guruba is there, then things are done according to his instructions. Without the guruba, and without Bir’s mom there, there was some confusion as to how to do what, and when to do what. Consequently some people were running around here and there trying to figure out what they should be doing. While Americans might think of ceremonies such as this as being sacred and solemn events, there is actually a lot discussion, disagreement, noise and distraction. Children are left free to their own devices, and are often jumping into the middle of the proceedings before being swept off to the periphery to play somewhere else.
Once the pots were lit, the family
Fun for Everyone
When children start getting fussy at any Nepali event, there is always someone there to help entertain them and make them feel important. Lilia’s aunt Purna took her aside and bought her corn to feed the pigeons. The Nepalese believe that the air from the pigeons wings can cure illness. Lilia is wearing her special lengha skirt that her cousin bought for her. She is very excited about it because it swirls beautifully when she spins. went around to each burning pot, swept their hands through the flames and then touched their heads as a form of prayer and blessing. In order to ensure that the fire was efficiently burning through to the center of the wicks, a small bamboo stick was used to stir them up and spread the flames. Our family was not the only ones making use of the fire; most of the other worshippers there at the temple walked around to each pot, stirring it, and touching the flames. It was unimportant at that time who had lit the fires or why; the flames themselves were considered purifying and spiritually powerful for whoever made contact with them.
Ben and a few other people needed to stay until the wicks were completely burned. The rest of the family came home to prepare for the breakfast feast, which was then later followed by a lunch feast. All of this was in preparation for the main feast or bhoj to take place that evening. Most of the family spent the day chatting, snacking, and hanging out in the sun until it was time for the evening’s big event.
The bhoj itself was the subject of
Time Spent Together
The older women of the family gather upstair in the house to chat. These are important occasions for reinforcing family bonds. Women in Nepal still pass a great deal of time chatting in this way, although younger women are now busy with work and school and so such gatherings are becoming less frequent amongst that generation. much controversy, as is the case today with many of the old traditions required by the society. One brother was adamantly against the expense and trouble of having the feast at all, and was lobbying for cancelling the whole event. The sister who has been in charge of many of the household affairs is a vegetarian, so she defied tradition by excluding meat from the food offerings. Complaints were later lodged by meat loving family members who felt that a feast such as this was incomplete without some of the obligatory water buffalo dishes. Long discussions also took place as to who exactly to invite, as feasts in such an extended community can become unmanageable if guest lists are not considered carefully. While it would seem that such traditions would be easily managed after so many years of experience, in fact there is a complex interaction of economics, generational expectations, religious beliefs, and personality issues that come into play during any such occasion.
A Newar bhoj takes place with guests seated upon the floor. Food is served plate by plate by people who come around with each dish. The main staple of the bhoj is dried beaten rice which soaks
Two Generations
Ben’s second oldest sister Naididi has been a leader in the communist party for years. Here she is upstairs with the older more traditional women, engaged in a discussion about caste and gender from a modern perspective. Naididi frequently leads the efforts to cut down on traditional rituals and socially mandated customs. For example when Ami’s husband died, Naididi advocated on her behalf against some of the expected sacrifices she was expected to make, such as smashing her glass bangles, and dressing only in white. up the juice of the other dishes that are placed around it. For people not used to eating it, the dried rice is hard to chew and not very digestible. For Newars it is a comfort food that evokes feelings of home, culture, and familiarity. Food is brought around in three rounds, meaning that there is more than anyone needs to eat, and always some amount wasted. The menu for the evening consisted of sauteed spinach, pureed tomato with cheese cubes, fenugreek curry, potato with bamboo shoot, a sauteed mushroom dish, a radish pickle, garbanzo bean curry, a sour and salty fruit sauce (something that is not ever served in America as the fruit is not even available there), several types of milk sweets, yogurt, fruit, and Newar rice liquor. I have probably forgotten a few things, but anyway the main idea is clear from that list. There was a lot of food. People eat the food with their hands, and are offered many helpings so they are completely stuffed when they leave. I have always been amazed at the capacity of Nepali women to eat during these feasts, as their stomachs are being constrained by the tight petticoat underneath
Pre-feast
The party hall before the feast began their saris, which should inhibit their appetite. Obviously it doesn’t, as they eat with great gusto.
Lilia spent the entire time running back and forth with her 4 year old cousin, and then jumping from one older cousin to the next, depending upon who was willing to give her the most attention. Ben was engaged during the entire feast saying hello to people that he had not seen for years. He enjoyed it so much that he thought having a bhoj once a year was a good way to keep busy families in touch with each other. I stood most of the evening being briefly introduced to this person and that person, saying Namaste quickly, smiling, and then standing there feeling a bit overwhelmed by the sheer number of people there were. Many of the people were relatives of Ben’s but a good number of them were related to his brother in laws or sister in laws as well.
When the bhoj was over, everyone felt that the evening had been successful and that Ben’s mother had been honored in a way that would have made her happy. As a traditional woman, and a woman who held considerable prestige in
One group of feasters
The servers come around with each dish and serve it to every one of the guests the old society, events such as these were always important to her. It was an appropriate way to pay respects to her long and rich life.
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