Tourist traps around Malacca

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25 June 2006

Tourist traps around Malacca

The Swiss guys we met in Malacca, the best town in SE Asia told us that Mini-Malaysia and the butterfly/bird/monkey/reptile park were worth the trip, so we decided to spend the day as proper camera-toting tourists.

We managed to get about twenty metres from the guesthouse when we encountered a reasonably sized crowd and traditional band, all waiting expectantly. The crowd had reached critical mass (the point at which the crowd alone attracts curious passersby and tourists who join the crowd because there must be something worth looking at) so of course we joined it.

There was a Chinese temple dedicated to some dead guy who had played some important role in history, including discovering Australia in the fifteenth century, 300 years before Captain Cook discovered it in English. Apparently the Prime Minister was due any minute on an official visit, so we decided to wait for him and say g’day. I amused myself by photographing the crowd and the kids in the band while Sarah sought some shade. It’s amazing what a decent camera can do! I had a better camera than the professional news guys, with the resulting access to anything and anywhere I wanted; after all, you have to treat the International Press with some respect! even if he is wearing shorts and sandals, and hasn’t combed his hair for over a month.

A universal truth about Prime Ministers and heads of state is that they will always be late. I was impressed by this guy being a mere forty minutes behind schedule - enough to gain face but not so long that everyone gets pissed off.

Security wasn’t particularly tight. I was a metre from him at one stage, sporting my large camera backpack in which I was carrying ten kg of semtex. Luckily I wasn’t searched! He looked like a nice guy - quite a contrast to Mahathir - so probably doesn’t have much to fear from terrorists. I opted to shoot photos rather than shake his hand, which probably would have been very similar to the thousands of other hands I’ve shaken - bare skin and five fingers. Probably similar to the hand of the Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, which I shook once while wondering how such a small guy with bad hair could become Prime Minister. Better to have baby George Bush, because he does the same stupid things, has more hair, is a head taller, and can be forgiven his trespasses because he’s a born again Christian and a complete moron. Equal opportunity for the retarded is alive and well.

Anyway, Malaysia seems to have done well this time around. A nice guy with good hair, not too short, and unlikely to do anything silly because Malaysia doesn’t generally try anything silly, apart from create upside-down maps of the world and a botch of an attempt to corner the world’s copper market.

After meeting the Man, listing to the saucepan-lid and drum native band, and watching two red dragons dance, we caught a taxi to Mini-Malaysia.

Mini-Malaysia is potentially fascinating. So is a dead bee. It consisted of twelve representative houses from the twelve states (or sultanates) in a semicircle. They all looked remarkably similar, particularly from the inside (according to Sarah - I only ventured into one), and had some descriptions in Bahasa. Luckily I had Tai-Pan, one of James Clavell’s 1,000+ page historical novels. When Sarah had dutifully finished walking through all twelve houses, we had lunch and waited for the traditional performance which is on every Saturday.

The traditional dancing was pretty cool and I enjoyed my new camera lens. There was an announcement at the start of each dance describing where each originated for those who were interested. I wasn’t.
After interval the dancing moved up from Malay traditional dance to - would you believe it - traditional Malay Rock ‘n’ Roll from 1962, complete with 60s clothes, American and English music, and a 1960s bar decorated with CDs. I guess in this day and age it’s difficult to find modern decorators who were born in the vinyl era. The whole show after interval was a complete joke. At least I got my clothes penetrating lens working.

In case Mini Malaysia wasn’t boring enough, outside the entrance was Malaysia’s only bee museum. I wasn’t able to coax Sarah to have a look at it, but I’m sure it was up to the same high standard of Mini Malaysia.

A one hour walk took us to the bird, butterfly, you-name-it park. While most of the exhibits were the same boring thing - birds looking at you from cages, reptiles ignoring you behind glass, crocodiles sleeping, and monkeys screaming for food - there were a few things to recommend it. The first was a friendly, curious gibbon.

We met the gibbon as soon as we walked in and sat down. She came and joined us for a chat and a cuddle, before deciding to try on my hat. It was all a good laugh.

The second part of the cage experience that I enjoyed was walking through the butterfly enclosure. I was rather pathetic in terms of numbers and species, but made a change from trudging five kilometres up a highway.

I also got a chance to walk into one of the snake cages where I had to walk within inches of several snakes, which was fun (they were only pythons). Sarah watched from behind the safety glass.
We hitched a ride back to town and sipped several well earned beers.

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Photos

A faithful reconstruction of a bar in 1962 Malaysia
Malaysia was about 25 years ahead of the rest of the world in adopting CD technology.

Cute girl at the "traditional disco"
I tried out my new clothing penetration lens here with some decent results. Note her left breast and nipple. I think I'll leave that lens at home from now on. I could get tempted!

One of the few butterflies in the enclosure
It's Latin name escapes me for the moment.

A fast moving tortoise
Probably the second most exciting animal after the gibbon

Sleeping crocadiles
For all the attraction and liveliness, they may as well be fibreglass. Maybe they are. I'll ask my trishaw driver.

A rat snake
Again, the Latin name escapes me. This was only a few inches from my head. Lucky I saw it.