What You Doing Tomorrow?

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Well since we last spoke we did a trek - usual
overnight ethnic hut stuff. We got talking to three
oldham lads who were great - we drank all the beer in
the hut. Two Korean girls turned up in designer
tracksuits and little Birkenstock sandals for a three
day walking trip - their rucksacks were empty (make up
only) whilst we all had bulging bags with technical
kit). We did the rafting with the lads and all had a
great laugh then went elephant riding (rather
uncomfortable) and then went to a snake farm as an
extra - quite the most bizarre thing I have ever seen.
A show where the snakes escaped (not deliberate), bit
the snake charmer in the crotch and on the head and
where the charmer insisted on throwing bits of rope at
us and letting the snake jaws open when one of the
lads was "kissing" the snake!! stories don't do it
justice - all accompanied by a commentary from the
boss with sound effects of bomb noises and advice ("oh
mr charmer don't let the snakes escape again, that's
not funny mr snake charmer")...

Later that night we met up with the lads and went to
the Bubble Club. We both felt v rough the next
morning ane went to Chiang Rai - Dump.

We went on a trek for a day - paid much too much for
it but were supporting the not for profit population
development control agency, promoting eco-tourism and
birth control (!) to the local hill tribe villages -
and also had our own air con minibus with a guide, a
driver and a student trainee guide.

We went to the Hill tribe village and waited for the
student to buy a hand bag. We then went to the
Myanmar/Thailand border and waited for the student to
buy some shirts. At the end of the day we went to see
the views of Laos and the Mekong and waitied for the
student to buy another bag. She had a good day.

We then crossed to Laos and got the slow boat down
from Huay Xai (opposite Chiang Kong for you map
junkies) on the Mekong down to Luang Prabang. This is
a two day trip and on the second day the boat was so
overloaded that the people sitting in the back (with
no seats as the boat was so overloaded) kept standing
up to stretch their legs. This then made the boat
(essentially a giant canoe) top heavy as it had sixty
plus backpackers and all their rucksacks and all
locals picked up along the way. Everytime the boat
took avoiding action to run the rapids or pick up more
people (!) it leaned dangerously. I spent the whole
time in terror. I only forgot about it when we had
the Great Caves Mutiny.

Near the end of the second day my bum and legs were
soooo numb. The seats are straight up wooden benches
with NO leg room and no comfort at all - agony. The
boatman suggested we might like to see the famous
caves (yeah whatever) for only 5000 kip (about fifty
cents). The boat was arranged along age lines - at
the front some middle aged french (note middle age now
means fifty plus, once you are thirty four yourself)
and then heading back a selection of bossy chunky
british and american single women with unflattering
haircuts. Then was us and some other irish french
dutch danish teams and finally in the bull pit at the
back all the ninetten year old british and irish.

The french and the bossy bints wanted to stop at the
caves. We would if that was the consensus (although
you know it will be hot and just a cave you feel have
to do this sort of thing) - of course the youngsters
at the back just want to get to the bar and sample the
local budded weed in Luang Prabang. The youngsters
said they did not want to go to the cave. I suggested
to the french/bossy team tha you could not make them
go (especially as you can go to the caves as a day
trip). Obviously I was a lone voice crying in the
wilderness. The french woman tried to explain to the
youngsters that the caves were a must see experience,
to be greated with a firm NO. She then tried to
persuade some young french in the back to follow her
but she was greated by them pulling faces and making
it clear they were with the UN not the french
position.

There were mysterious discussions up the front with
the french / bossies using a Lao speaking Thai girl as
interpreter.. Word came back that we paid less to
enter the caves. Then that the entry was free if we
paid the boat, then that we could switch boats if we
did not want to go to the cave and finally word came
back that the boat stopped anyway at the caves...

So. The boat stopped, we got off (grateful for any
respite from the agony of the benches entering my
soul) and lost three pounds sweating up the hill to
look at one set of caves - Laos style. On the way
down we met the boatman who asked us for our 5000 kip
- we told him where to go. Back at the boat the
bossies were saying "I hope you didn't give the driver
any money".

Of course the next thing we know the scenario of the
boat refusing to leave until all had paid the boatman
5000 kip for the stop off revealed itself! We then
had the french / bossy team telling us how we must all
pay, this is a special stop, it is only fifty cents
(fifty cents cheaper than the usual cost of getting
there from the town) and how cheap it is!! All
different from what they told us.

Obviously the youngsters were not happy and i WENT
BALLISTIC. I shouted at the bossies that they should
never have cooked up this stop and how I hope they
learned their lesson never to deviate!!! Of course I
wanted to get up and slap them but there wasn't room
to get down the aisle to get a good shot with the
right... At one point the poor thai girl had to walk
down to aisle appealing to the people to pay with the
boatman at her shoulder. The sanctimonous bossies
were of course entirely convinced they had acted
properly, as they left the poor thai girl to face the
youngsters....

The stop also meant we arrived in LP after the other
boat and therefore all the good hotels were full for
the first night...... It took me three days to calm
down. As for night life, a Buddhist monk we met
banging a gong said LP was too quiet. The only two
widely known engligh phrases in Luang Prabang (which
don't get me wrong is beautiful and truly a jewel of a
town with lovely boutique hotels and restaurants) are
"you want buy some smoke" and "what you doing tomorrow
- you see waterfall?".

We are now in Vientiane waitiing for the bus to go to
Vang Vieng. We flew here yesterday for about thirty
dollars which was great and now have a three hour bus
trip to VV..... however we went to get on the bus this
morning and I could not physically fit on the seat -
it is a traveller mini bus rip off special with extra
seats which fold down into the aisle. We were told
the bus would come to our hotel but we were instead
taken to it as the last arrivals. When we arrived
this morning only the fold down seats were free (all
others occupied by EXTREMELY pissed off looking
people) and when I sat on the seat, it was not
possible to fold down the seat in front where the
driver suggested Fiona was sitting. I asked if he
wanted her to sit in my lap and he did laugh - and
then just tried to fold down the seat onto my knees
with a firm shove.

I refused to get on it (although to be fair it was
impossible for us to get on it!) and we are now
awaiting the second bus at 2 pm (four hours later) to
try and get there early and get a seat in the front.
Otherwise we have an overnight wait here and a coach
goes at seven thirty am.... nice.

At least we have booked a bungalow in the same place
where Kylie Minogue styed in VV in 2000! If the
cleanliness is on the low side of the Laos standards
we may even have the same sheets!!

Other highlights. I saw a man taking a dump in the
middle of a Thailand road. We travelled in a
motorcycle and side car combo which nearly flipped
over its back axle when the driver tried to engage the
clutch and eventually stranded us in the middle of a
red clay swamp, to walk to the boat lading, arriving
with feet four foot across and a red that stayed with
us for three days. The official Laos tourism leaflet
says not to drive in Laos as people drive "with
inspiration and help from Buddha". Sleeping with a
Laos girl not your wife is illegal, but the leaflet
says "you may be able to experiemnt if lucky"!!

We ate water buffalo (nice) and chocolate cake
(nicer). I am experienced at herding Gekko lizards
out of guest house doors (only to see them come back
in through the cracks in the floors and ceilings).

I will let you know if we get to VV to experience the
Happy Shakes which are a staple on the menu!

Adios!

Joe

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