Alopecia Hills

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Following some recent comments on my poor spelling, I would like to offer my sincere apologies if this has effected your reading pleasure. I will endeavor to try harder and blame all my errors on the telepathic influence of my mother.

We awoke to a white world of snow in Chitose with enormous 6 foot high piles of ploughed up snow lining the streets. We figured we needed to make as early a start as possible on the drive to our lodgings in Nemuro (up the coast from Kushiro), so after a hearty breakfast, we caught the train back to the airport to arrange some replacement car hire. 

Unlike the UK, things here do not seize up and stop when it snows (except the odd flight, of course) so all the trains were still running perfectly on time. Clothing-wise, people do not seem to make any allowances for the weather either, with young ladies (note the plural) still in short skirts and thigh boots standing on the train platform - I kid you not! Their nod to the cold appeared to be a pair of leg warmers worn over said boots. The only bare skin I was offering up to the freezing air on the other hand, was my ears and only then because I had already packed my hat.

I spotted a sign at the airport for Nikka whisky but couldn't tell from the sign whether that was an ingredient or a result of drinking it?

We tracked down Nippon car rental who we booked the car for Kushiro with. Expecting all kinds of trouble we slowly began to explain the problems of yesterday to the lady behind the desk. Amazingly, not only did she know who we were but it turned out they were expecting us and had a car ready to go - the fantastic power of Japanese organisation! They also allowed us a one way rental with no additional fee so we were feeling very impressed all round and it made up a little for all the flight problems we'd had.

This car had snow tyres fitted and a sat nav with English so we rapidly introduced ourselves to Miss USA GPS and set out on the road. The time was 10:30am and disturbingly, Miss USA GPS predicted we would arrive at our destination at 9:30pm! Did she really think we would average under 30km/hr? Was she another GPS that knew something we didn't?

Remember the bloke waving the big flag and the red flares en route to Karuizawa when there was an accident? Here they have an LED version - not as exciting true, but does save the flag bloke from freezing to death! The roads also all have downward pointing arrows suspended above the road at about street light height. They point at the edges of the road which is quite useful when there's a lot of snow - something we were to find out later.

We left the outskirts of Chitose and started winding up into the mountains. Until now, although snowy, the roads had been ploughed and hence, it was still fairly easy driving. It appeared the ploughs had not yet reached the mountains however. 

Progress was incredibly slow but the scenery was spectacular so at least we had a nice view. The fir trees looked like Christmas cake decorations where someone had been too enthusiastic with the icing sugar. The deciduous trees on the other hand, gave the hills the look of a balding pate (and I don't mean the meat product) so were nicknamed the Alopecia Hills. 

We decided that no one in Hokkaido could have a driving license as the road was all but empty. In hindsight, I think it was more that they had more sense than to try to drive over the mountains. The one group that was as stupid as us was lorries but luckily, the majority were heading in the opposite direction. I swear they all had death wishes and seemed to have a competition to see who could take corners the fastest. Each one seemed to flick their tail out a little further to the point that we both winced in anticipation of a hideous disaster.

I think it was their crazy displays that speeded up Mark's driving too. Previously not paying much attention to the road - probably writing this blog nonsense - I looked up to find that we were still moving forwards as expected but not necessarily at the angle I was used to. Mr Fiennes, being who he is, took it all in his stride and soon had things back in control as neatly as if he had grown up in Finland. Mr Fiennes' driving then continued at a revised pace with the comment, "that was fun, wasn't it!" All in all, it was quite exciting and had the additional bonus of causing the 4x4 behind us to back off somewhat. 

For some sections of the road, small metal horizontal platforms were scattered at intervals on the hillside. We could only guess what these were for at the beginning but as we climbed higher and it got progressively snowier, it became fairly obvious. They hold back the avalanches and most looked pretty full already. Hmm, had this car journey been a good idea, I thought as the next truck came hurtling out the snow.

Eventually, we made it across the mountains and the conditions improved, well at least the roads did, the snow was falling in earnest now. We used the toll roads where possible as they proved to be both much quieter and much quicker. We invented a new car game too -  the exciting and unpredictable 'match the symbols' game. The aim is to work out what the toll is in the 5 seconds between seeing the sign and reaching the booth. Of course all the signs are in Japanese apart from the numbers so you must match the town symbols on the toll ticket (the point you got on the expressway) to the ones on the sign where the prices are displayed. Oh, what a couple of crazy folk we are eh? The prize is getting to pull Mark up when he says thank you in Spanish yet again. 

Driving through Japan, you do tend to see some QI sights. For example, we saw a telephone box which had so much snow delicately balanced on top of it that you could easily mistake it for carrying a giant 1.5m high white loaf of bread. We also noticed that most towns had a great convenience store called Seicomart. Maybe my brain's not wired correctly but all I could think about from then on was how they went about advertising it. How about 'Seicomart - for your friendly neighbourhood nutter' or 'Seicomart - everything you want from a store and a little bit more...like a chainsaw' or perhaps 'Seicomart - every little...axe...helps'.

By late afternoon, we were still a good 3hrs away so needed a quick stop to stretch our legs etc. We pulled in at the next 'service station' that Miss USA flagged up which strangely also displayed a large sign saying 'dog run'. 

Now I know I go on about this but, this seriously was the best loo spot ever! My previous favourite was at Haneda airport in Tokyo, which I got to know fairly well during our Hokkaido flight fiasco. Not only did these have two different sprays but also the hallowed noise burst button. This button saves the demure Japanese lady embarrassment by playing something akin to water sound effects. This loo must have been the latest model as you could either have a continuous crashing waterfall sound (I think it was meant to be more like a gentle babbling brook) or a short 25 second burst for well timed moments.         

Anyway, I digress from the real winner here. The Dog Run loo as it shall now be known, easily out competes Haneda airport loo when you consider the facilities as a whole. It had all the usual features one expects in a top class loo (heated seat, multiple sprays, noise burst) but the atmosphere was in a different league. On entering through the Star Trek doors, one is first met by framed photos of the local birdlife with identifying features highlighted - very good start. Turning the corner into the handwashing zone, one cannot dismiss the wall hangings of Geisha going about their bath or the tranquility produced by the traditional Japanese music playing in the background. The spacious surroundings work with the above to produce such a zen-like atmosphere that one contemplates staying there all day (and possibly taking a weeks break there next year). This is particularly true if you still have at least 3 hours of stressful driving on icy roads through blinding snow in the dark. Okay, so it wasn't me driving but you get the gist.

At this spot I also took the chance to try a risky vending machine item - corn soup. We'd seen it several times before but not been able to identify the type of soup from the picture - something yellow and lumpy was as close as we got - and that did kinda put us off. However, after having a very nice bowl indeed of corn soup at Cocomo hotel, I took the plunge. Well, I knew we were gonna miss our tea so I was getting desperate! Suprisingly, it was actually rather nice, as long as you remembered not to look at the picture too often (I think I'll stick with your version Ade). Mr Fiennes refrained from trying it and stuck to his Big Boss coffee instead, the big girly wuss!

By the way, the dog run turned out to be just that - a field to run your dog in. Murphy would have loved it, particularly as it was currently 2 foot in snow and had wooden horses to savage at will.

We finally rocked up at Furen Lodge in Nemuro at 19:30, a journey taking 9 hours so we managed to beat Miss USA's estimate by 2 hours (if you do the math, it averaged out as just over 30km/hr). The reception we got when we rang the bell was one of utter disbelief and then it was as if they were welcoming home a pair of long lost relatives! Mr Matsuo had got my email and had replied to strongly suggest not to attempt the drive but to get the train instead. Of course, we had not been able to access this and I'm sure even if we had, Mr Fiennes would have poopooed it anyway. I think their shock was not that we'd attempted the drive but that we'd actually made it in one piece - they don't know the inimitable (I looked up the spelling on that one Chrissy) Mr Fiennes though do they?   

Once settled in our tatami room and issued the hated slippers (mine had a fetching green stripe and were about size 12), I went to use the facilities (sadly no heated seat this time) and Mark enquired about the birds. Furen Lodge is THE place to stay in Hokkaido if you're a birder. Things were fairly basic but the company and food easily made up for this. Back in our room, Mark tracked me down and said "I'll introduce you to the gang". In a birding world, this phrase is never good and one I hoped never to cross my husband's lips. I admit, we do tend to avoid other UK birders like the plague. However, my fear of hanging out with a bunch of Oddies and Packhams was happily squashed when the 'gang' turned out to be 3 Japanese birders - 2 chaps and a lady. My relief must have been fairly obvious as the bowing and smiling went on for quite some time. 
 
Kind Mr Matsuo was worried that we had not eaten (the corn soup didnt count) but we assured him that he didn't need to go to the bother of cooking all over again - this turned out to be a good decision for Mark, going on the dinner we had the following day - more on this next time though. 

Introduced as Lisa-san and Mark-san, the rest of the evening was spent chatting and comparing birding high points. Of the three, only one could speak English although, Mr Matsuo did a great job of translating our stories. They asked if we always go birding together, to which the pair of us answered with a profound 'no' simultaneously. Judging by their response, this was deemed very amusing. Not quite sure what they made of me (obviously they loved Mr Fiennes) but I got quite a few hearty laughs out of them so it can't be all bad. Or were they just being polite Japanese? 
 
The snow had stopped by the time we all tootled off to bed (quite late in the end) but the wind was howling. Lying in our extremely comfy futons (let's see how we are in the morning though) with extra blankets and a gas heater, we fell asleep as the wind rattled the windows.

Okay, time to round this one off as I've written way too much rubbish already!

Tune in next time etc etc.

TTFN, Lisa x
P.S. Mostly written on my Tokyo to Rome leg of flight home (boo) and mainly to distract me from the 2 idiots sat either side of me. Having an animated conversation in Italian across me does not encourage my good feelings towards them!

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