Sun drenched Southern India

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India is all about the crazy, unpredictable and often breathtaking experience. About spectacular views of green rice paddies and palm trees from train windows one minute, then laundries and slums the next. People, always with smiles, unreserved laughter and unwavering good humour. About crazy and indecipherable systems of bribe and "making things happen". About bright, bold colours - saris, bangles, flowers, foods and spice. The aromas - some mouth-watering, many stomach-turning which assault the senses at every turn. The pollution-enhanced sunsets, the beautiful beaches, mountains and backwaters of the south. But the best thing is simply being a part of it and there's no better way to discover the real India, in all its glory, than a train journey.

Coming from Kolkota - Kev, Grumpy and I joined a gang of other intrepid travellers and one exceedingly unpopular guide, for a two week journey through Southern India. The tour began in Chennai, hitting the hotspots all the way down the coast (and inland) - to places including Mamallapuram, Madurai, Varkala, Mysore, Kerala Backwaters, then Kochi - before finishing up in Goa. Most of the journey was to be by local train, including several overnight journeys and a couple of all day specials.

Indian long distance trains are perhaps, just as full on as you'd expect. A mass of people with piles of luggage, migrates from station platforms into carriages comprising one open hallway - with bunks all along the left side and facing triple-decker bunks all down the right. Entire Indian families cram into compartments with bulging bags and food supplies. Blue vinyl covered berths are reserved - but often you need to boot someone out of your spot - and luggage is stowed under the bottom bunks which serve as seating before bedtime. Getting on and off is a test in patience - with limited time and so many people bottlenecks in the hallway are inevitable, as is getting a bag in the face, or hit in the head. The ever present stench of urine wafts up from the toilets - best use the squat as a slightly more hygienic preference to the "western style" option. Chai wallahs walk up and down the hallways yelling "chai, chai, kopi, kopi, kopi" at a pitch so deep, it reverberates through the carriage like a ventriloquist. Ceiling fans coated in muck and cobwebs may or may not work - though the coveted top bunk position gets closest to the fans and futherest away from men who stare at you as you sleep. The open sleeping arrangements can be slightly disconcerting and ferocious snoring, snorting, throat clearing, farting and sniffing provides a background noise most effectively drowned out by an Ipod. Wet wipes and antiseptic gel become your best friend, as you wake up blackened with grime from both outside the train and in. The strong whiff of BO is ever-present and has you checking your own armpits at regular intervals to check the smell isn't coming from you - it never is! At stops - beggars clutch at you through open windows and vendors sell food and goods. Journeys are long and impossibly slow - even when the train has an optimistic name like the "Hampi Express" it still stops far too often. I was always grateful for the company of a group on these long journeys - they seemed to pass quicker with a few card games and animated discussion on travel, personal lives and other western matters (which it became apparent our apparently non-english speaking neighbours could perfectly understand when their jaws dropped on cue).

There are so many things about India that bring a smile to the face! At any destination is was immediately apparent that the Indians love Australians, cricket and of course, Ricky Ponting (though I suspect more recently their enthusiasm may have cooled with the result of the second test in Oz!). Their other great love is Bollywood - its influence is evident in fashions, constant humming, dance moves and even mobile phone ring tones! The head waggle - a shake of the head meaning "yes" - is both amusing and confusing. Many Indian men suffer from a terrible dose of overconfidence - completely oblivious to the lack of appeal their unsightly bellys, slicked hairdos and cheesy pick up lines hold for Western women. Entrepreneurship here is impressive and the attempted selling of ridiculously useless items to foreigners is like a national sport. Ingenious recycling - like conversion of newspaper into envelopes and food packaging is employed to utilize scarce resources. Products and services are available cheaply and conveniently - PCO/ISD/STD phone booths are everywhere - generally a household phone on a bench next to a dusty road. Barbers deliver several close shaves a day and rickshaw drivers grapple with several daily breakdowns. Road safety is nowhere in India, the roads are pure mayhem. Misuse of the English language leading to inappropriate signage and shop names is rife. No one in India appears to do anything alone, entire families travel together, share tuk tuks and decision making is a group affair. Bathing is conducted thoroughly and publicly - never before have I seen someone so furiously lather and wash, then put back on the same smelly, dirty clothes! Southern men generally wear a type of loincloth - called a dhoti - which they always seem to be readjusting and retying. Religious traditions involving bindis and coloured spices on forehead and sideburns are observed. This extends to dashboard ganeshas and cows. In restaurants, the national serviette holder - is simply a glass covered in aluminium foil. As an old Indian guy once told us, "you ask why, we ask, why not?"!!

India would not be India without a certain amount of harmless rip-offs and scams. The locals are well tuned into the tourist dollar and will always ask where you're from, whether its your first visit and how much you paid for the other merchandise you're wearing or carrying - all to work out how much cash they can extract from you! Many wallahs will charge extra for cold water, toilet paper, plastic bags and will even take off with your luggage if given half the chance, which you'll need to pay them for carrying! Rickshaw drivers are notorious for reneging on agreed prices and destinations. Their favourite trick is taking you to your destination via their father/brother/uncle's rug shop for "very good price madam".

Daily living in India presents challenges and obstacles not usually present in the western world. Most discussed, is bathroom unpredictability (heat, pressure, water) and the joys of the squat toilet. Clean clothes don't stay that way for long and rubbish disposal is rarely available. When travelling by road, you're often wondering whether your bag which is roped to the roof of the rickshaw or jeep will still be there when you arrive at your destination. Watching what you eat is essential in India - but proves a challenge when the guy serving your food has dirty hands and whilst beer is a safe option, it's often warm. Constant power failures regularly plunge rooms into darkness and internet cafes are unreliable at best. Estimates of time and distance are generally way out and getting a straight answer is almost impossible.

The food in India is brilliant. Garlic naan, banana lassis (a type of curd smoothy), thali, seafood, paratha and fresh fruit are tasty and plentiful. Whilst in Mysore, a bunch of us went along to a cooking course run by a straight-talking Punjab lady called Tina. Her recipes are mouth-watering and all we do is sit, watch, then eat her gastronomical delights! After some time in India, most of us craved plain western food - like steak, vegemite on toast and one of the last nights in Goa, we were rapt to discover a subway ... it had been months since my last sandwich!

Our time in India, just wouldn't have been the same without a fair dose of drama! One of our first nights - Maria, a tour-mate, was hospitalised with stomach cramps and tested for malaria and all sort of other nasties - so the entire group went to visit her in Mamallapuram hospital! Fortunately it wasn't too serious and she was out the same night. Another day, at a stop in Bangalore, Jim lost his wallet and in a crazy chain of events was contacted by the guy who had "found it" and a "drop-off/extortion" exercise several nights later on the platform of Bangalore train station was deployed resulted in the wallet returned - slightly lighter. The most amusing drama, related to our tour-guide - a hapless, condescending first-time guide - nicknamed "the garden gnome" by Grumpy. In Hampi, the holy city, we were lectured on the importance of wearing modest clothing and refraining from public displays of affection ... so it made Grumpy's day when he stumbled across the Garden Gnome and a random blonde backpacker in a passionate embrace and various states of undress by the waterfall!!

Varkala was one of the first stops of our tour and with blue skies and sunshine, provided a much needed beach break for the group - most of whom had come from other tours or travels. Spectacular cliff tops with tibetan souvenir shops and hippy cafes and bars, looked down on a fabulous, clear, blue surf beach. We spent several lazy days sunbaking, bodysurfing (kev in his budgie smugglers!), wandering the shops and eating and drinking extremely well at the bars and restaurants. One day another girl and I consulted a palm reader - something the locals do regular to make auspicious decisions - particularly related to marriages and family affairs. It seems Ill have a great, albeit very short life, will make and lose a lot of money, travel extensively and have a fabulous husband!! Kev chose to spend his time in Varkala getting his beard of 30 years shaved off - each to their own!!

One of the best things I did on the journey, was go to a local movie theatre in Kochi to see the hit Bollywood film - Om Shanti Om in Hindi. It was part edge-of-your-seat drama, part musical extravaganza which had the entire theatre cheering, wolf-whistling and laughing the entire way through. Its amazing the atmosphere created by audience participation - the theatre was full and the crowd loud and enthusiastic!

The Keralan Backwaters, famous for their palm trees and houseboats, were appropriately picturesque. On our stay with the local family we did an evening boat ride along the backwaters, as the locals sung old fishing tunes to us in the twilight. We stopped at the local toddy shop, tried the local coconut brew and headed back to the house for a sensational local dinner and a few rounds of cold kingfisher!

My favourite destination on the tour was Hampi - a holy, hippy city teeming with isreali backpackers on the banks of the Tungabhadra River. The scenery was hilly, with large rocks and ancient temples scattered across the landscape. Our accommodation was sensational - little huts, with verandas and hammocks out front, a french Jack Johnston whose torso was the envy of all the blokes strummed his guitar and food and drink orders were brought to your hut. On the river side, scattered cushions and tables offered a great spot to watch the sun set over the rice paddies. The group organised a kind of "secret santa" event for our night in Hampi to be held at the hotel's restaurant. Everyone had a budget of Rs 200 (around $7) to buy an outrageous outfit for the person whose name they'd drawn out of the hat. Then all outfits were to be delivered to reception in paper bags, collected and then worn to the party! Much hilarity ensued at the unveiling of the outfits - especially when it was time to guess who'd bought for you. One guy had so much fun, he woke up in the restaurant at 6am!! The next morning, Christine ran a yoga class - which was challenging, very fun and possibly not the best idea the morning after a big night.

The tour finished in Goa - which definitely delivered on its reputation as a great party destination! The beach in the area we were staying - Calangute - was not so flash. Too many fat, sunburnt pommy tourists and a pretty grotty beach to boot. So we redirected our efforts to shopping and partying - at infamous clubbing venues including Titos, Cocktails and Dreams and Mambos. Blokes had to pay Rs 500 for entry, which restricted the sleazy, local element. My partner in crime, Bugalugs and I, made ourselves some new local friends - partying it up with both locals and other tourists - with our drink of choice - the best mohijtos we'd ever tasted.

In true Indian style, leaving Goa airport, a security guard checked my immigration form and then asked for a tip. "Australia to beat India in the boxing day test", I predicted. Then I proceeded to the immigration counter and all the computers crashed. There was nothing to do, but wait it out. You've gotta love India!!

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Comments

[Kate G]

I can't wait
Your blog has brought back all my memories of India and I can't wait to get over there - less than 3 weeks now! Hope the rest of your travel is going well and look forward to the next installment

[Mariellen]

om shanti thanks!
Hi Ellen, Thanks for the trip through southern India -- and especially for the pic of Shahrukh Khan, my fave Bolly-hunk!

[Rohit]

Not again
Someone gave u a good dressing down for showing India in poor light in your previous entry. Well guess what, you have done it again and you rightly deserve another round of criticism You have gone on and on about everything under the sun and in the process have created an unfair picture on minds of those who have never been to India. Don't even start to say you have written things as you saw them. Yes there are so many things that could be improved and done in a different way, but there are hundreds of things that are so bloddy great and unique to India and you have conveniently failed to highlight them. To all those reading this blog. Don't make your judgement reading this woman's blog. She is neither fair nor balanced.

[Ellen Around the World]

Rohit - I've accepted your comments for public view because everyone is entitled to their opinion. Once again I'm honoured my blog and account of India has evoked so much passion in a reader. I look forward to reading your fair and balanced account of India on travelblog. Ellen

[Sally]

A comment to Rohit
Perhaps you should learn to spell "bloody" before you start criticising other people's work.

[travellingmum]

This blog makes people want to visit, not stay away
Rohit - you are fooling yourself if you think that westerners dont already know/have heard these things about India. If anything, Ellens chirpy, upbeat, infectious tale told here will make people want to see past the difficulties associated with travelling through India. I have never had India on my "to visit" list, but Ellens account makes one think about it.

[Johan]

Arrogance
"Blokes had to pay Rs 500 for entry, which restricted the sleazy, local element" So now the local "element" is sleazy? You have the audacity to go to a country belonging to other people, then implying high entrance fees are there to keep the locals out and you, who are by implication then not "sleazy", in? By the way, did you travel in third-class trains all the way? I spend four months travelling through India by train, and always found first class on intercity trains to be of a much better standard than your description.

[Andy Horsman]

Evocative Blog
Hi Ellen, thanks for another evocative blog. As you say, no greater compliment for a blog than that which stirs passion amongst it's readers. You've clearly described your own experiences and nobody can ask or expect more than that from a personal travel blog. Safe travels and hope you're having fun out west!

[KAshyap: yet another Indian]

Great blog
Really nice to read with hard but appropriate vocabulary(?). Rohit, lets do some maths. guess what would happen when you go to a place which has 50 times the population living in an area which is slightly less than half of your native place. This means there are on an average 100 people occupying the same area as 1 person at your place with very limited resources. What would you get? a SHOCK!! No wonder things are done in group here as there is litrally NO personal space. And it is a fact that westerners are seen as the walking money-making machines here due to obvious reasons, and hence left with even lesser privacy than Indians. You can't blame them for complaining at times. I think the blog is great and your prejudices about goods and bads might have made you see it in a negative way. Its better to present India in its true flavour as it is not luxury but curiosity/chaos/entropy/energy that brings people here in India. People won't stop coming here at all, in any case Showing everything in positive shades would be injustice to the tourists whose expectations would be thrashed on arriving here Please don't be critical about my spelling mistakes; I have tried had not to have any. English is not my mother tongue (neither Rohit's)! :D Keep writing :-) -Kashyap

[Ellen Around the World]

Thanks Everyone
Brilliant to read your comments and receive so much support regarding this blog - from Indian nationals and foreigners alike. I hope to continue to generate so much active debate in future blogs. Cheers, Ellen PS - Johan, no I didn't travel first class. Who is arrogant now?

[Sarah]

Go Ellen!
Right back at you Johan!