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Published: February 11th 2010
Before my main post i'll say this, it's kind of a long one, it's unrevised and raw so forgive me, i'm running on fumes practically.
Yesterday while walking to and from bangur ave, half the people giving me stinkeye i would smile at, the other half i would give even harsher stinkeye back, they see white skin but i'm still bengali. i think this cause bengalis are so intense, and i am feeling things very intensely, bengalis don't get offended whereas i take things seriously.. at least for the moment that they're happening but after few minutes no issue at all i don't care it's done and over, nonexistent.
at the end of todays class vidura krishna prabhu mentioned that we have to act on mahaprabhu's teaching of giving honor. saying gurudeva, when he first came, as soon as entering the airport immediately showing respectful affection to everyone.
so today in stead of giving stink eye half the time i am trying to smile all the time, not possible when the sun is bright so much. later that morning vidura and i went into kolkata and on the bus to the metro station one man offered his seat to me cause i'm so tall and maybe could push my shoulders against the ceiling of the bus while standing, not so safe when jagged pieces of metal are coming from the ceiling. anyway, i asked him his name and we got to talking and i mentioned something of life being temporary and how devotional service is possible to be eternal. i asked vidura to hand him an invitation and he was very pleased.
with devotees i'm doing this too, trying anyway, because of that i'm making many new friends.
09/02/2010
my first day in india feels like the longest day of my life, i'm exhausted from some seva and remnants of jetlag.
i woke up at 5 AM and waited until Srila Gurudev was ready to accept me, i went in paid my dandavats and offered dakshin and Vanilla Extract and tried to soak up as much mercy as possible, maybe i was in there for 2 minutes, not a second longer but since i'm doing some small seva like going to the market for someone or cleaning, whatever it is, i feel that gurudeva is smiling to me when i'm doing it. guru darshan need not be bound by proximity is my thinking, because wherever i am if i am trying to have service mood and do some seva i feel a connection to my gurudev.
i was so tired last night and ended up talking with Vidura Krishna prabhu for some time, we're sharing a room it's nice. so this blog entry will span 2 days, the internet has been down all day so i'm not sure when i'll get to post this, i will be quite limited by connectivity inconsistency until i figure out how to get one of those mobile internet USB plugins they have now, i'll see how much they are and if it's realistic. there are many wireless hub internet cafes in kolkata, i'm not sure about nabadwip. tomorrow i get my sim card for my phone and i'll be able to call international for pretty cheap like maybe 6 rupees/minute which is under 10 cents.
i'm surprised to see there's a supermarket on bangur ave, i bought some xylitol whitening gum, funny cause someone asked me to bring xylitol from USA but it's maybe 15 minute walk away and quite cheaper, only 30 rupees which is about 75 cents US.
this mornings class was very nice, Ramachandra prabhu asked Krishna Kanta to give class, she decided to read from affectionate guidance, in there it was talking about the upper group around Sriman Mahaprabhu and that Rupa and Sanatana Goswami were unique in that Mahaprabhu accepted them as students and taught them directly proper conception and chose Rupa as the acharyya.
after we read that chapter we got to talking about some other things about gurudeva and mahaprabhu pastimes around that time vidura krishna joined us and krishna kanta mentioned one festival program happening in italy that they hope to cook at to make money to pay off more of villa govinda. hey mom, if i don't talk to you before you read this i wanna sell my car and use the money for a ticket to italy and back, from delhi is cheaper.
everyone please forgive my tendency to go this way and that way when writing down my thoughts, it's just how my brain works and i have so much to say i could practically write a book on each day here.
there is so much opportunity for seva here i feel like i'm slacking off doing this right now, but i committed myself to blogging and now i'm doing it, i think it's good as i'm learning discipline.
for the first time in my life i'm taking pride in small things, today i did laundry and cleaned the bathroom and some other things around here. OH crap i hear the conch, missing arati!
i'm back
i suppose it just feels good to be productive but when coupled with a mood of devotion i think it's nourishing above and beyond anything mundane. I'm reminded of the analogy of jiva's being leaves on a tree and krishna is the trunk and roots, if the roots get water the leaves are nourished, similarly, if we serve the center, our source, we too will be nourished beyond comprehension. what is service? service is hearing, remembering and chanting the holy names of the lord, and of course vaishnava seva. we want to be the servant of the servant of the ser…. etc. because krishna loves his devotees and if he sees us serving his devotee we will be that much more dear to him. but we must be humble, tolerant and give honor to others, reference mahaprabhus siksastakam.
nearing the end of the day, arati was very nice, bhajans (or pot kirtan) are always so beautiful. i'm going to start posting translations to some of my favorite songs, i definitely have to learn bengali so i can attempt to write some devotional songs.. probably not necessary though, all the vaishnava thakurs have laid it out for us.
i lament having been born in an english speaking language as it takes probably a paragraph to explain the emotion, meaning and intent of foreign words. makes me feel infintile to speak english.
that's it for now, i've written enough.
All glories to Sri Sri Guru and Gauranga!
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Sushila
non-member comment
How nice
It's so nice to hear your inspiration and activities. What is your phone number - I will call you! I'm in Canada but I haven't gone out to start my seva yet. Amiya Kanti and Vidyasundar Prabhu are really really nice, "gentle Vaishnaaaavas" (as Kamal Krishna likes to say with a grin). Vidyasundar Prabhu gave me one of the 1st, new, Polish language "Ocean of Nectar" books that he helped to publish. I get to take it downtown and pray I meet a polish person to give it to! That's so nice you give out invitations in Kolkata on the bus. So far on my trip I've only really met one person: an awesome Christian guy on the train. He asked me all these questions and I felt a little like I didn't know what was next after answering for 20 minutes, because I knew he was Christian. When I got up to leave, though, he said it's good for us to talk about our faith, and talk about God and that really resonated so I went back and asked to hear about the bible. His vision was very clear. I was so grateful for some good association. Humble people are the best! All glories to Sri Sri Guru and Gauranga!