gangagangafever

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the big kesh is the bees knees. being here fulfils every fantasy i had about my experience in india. its exactly everything i love about all the culture, people, spirituality, pace of life, warmth, shanti, , the consistency the river impresses upon everything, the clean, clear air, the outpouring of ideas and identity, this is a place to be lost for sure. im not sure that one can exactly 'find oneself'. this is something that some of my less spiritually inclined friends smirk about and i think to some extent they are very much right. you're not going to find a different self just because you are in new surroundings. the landscape and experiences can only offer you speckles of colour, they are in themselves very much meaningless. the only shift that can happen is through enormous, singleminded tiresome effort. being inspired, having an epiphony, being aware, these are all such easy blessings to receive. its the labour of learning to react differently, of feeling, not ignororning or suppressing the resistence and standing up against it. this is where the money is at.
i cant begin to describe how beautiful this place is. mindblowing breathtaking aweinciting natural beauty of mountains and ganga and bridges and no rubbish anywhere and chilled people and everyone is pretty much into being spiritual (or at least relaxed and chilled) and no one tries to sell you anything and its a totally different vibe. im so unaccustomed to it i found it a huge shock when i first arrived, it was like a different country.
particularly after spending time in mumbai, so congested, so busy and ambitious, striving, aspiring, pretentious, intolerant, humid and pouring rain.

it is also soooooooooooooo much less hot like you can fully go for a run here in the middle of the day. it's sunny and you sweat but it cant be over 30 and its not humid at all.
so i have been reallllllllllly ill the past few days. i think the intense fear and fixation i had with trying to not get sick in India has actually attracted the sickness. i do however think it is spiritual and am far better for it. havent eaten anything but a quarter of a guava and one banana in three days. so lucky to be with my beautiful friend dara, suffering the safe fate beside me, softening into the maladie together. pain is not an individual pheonomenon; the pain of the universe is the same for me as it is for everyone else.

the pure, clear unconditional love to which we have been privvy since arriving at the ashram is unbelievable. the people here are pure light and yet are so real and earthy.
im learning so much being away, from the incredible swarm of these precious souls who i have come to know.
i think it has really strengthened for me the committment that i have made to only spending time with likeminded people.

So I was writing that yesterday but then the interent went down for over half an hour I gave up waiting saved the file to the harddrive and am returning a day later to upload.
So many lessons people.. constant. Its almost too much to absorb, definitely too much to share. Isuppose all life is like this, if youre ready to immerse yourself in the richness, in the juice.

My current one is really to FACE up to myself, my emotions, my attitudes, thoughts and fears and stop blocking, repressing them, replacing them with happy thoughts. This doesn’t do anything to illuminate them and until this happens I wont move to the next stage.
A big one for me this morning was being prepared to feel weakly, sick and exhausted and still attend the yoga class knowing that I could barely join in on a quarter of the demonstrated poses. Mostly I just did my own stretching and occasionally tried to see if I could chime in for a minute or two. This was huge for my ego and was initially very trying. I managed to melt into it and found yoga ahh its the best feeling when you can let go.

I hope all is well and am wanting updates.

Ps. I totally want to come live in the big kesh.
Pps. Anyone that thinks this is ‘hippieville’ is seriously mistaken I have been trying to find an energetic healer or reiki teacher for three days and it is impossible. Not complaining, just myth busting

xx

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