Shampoo the world, let them know it's Sunsilk time

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Just arrived in Jaisalmer and the hotel isn't a patch on the lovely restored havelis/palaces we've been staying in so far on the tour. The rest of the group are saying things like "it's disgusting and filthy, I wouldn't let my dog stay here"; Steve and I nod, mumble agreement and privately remember the dumps that we seek out and check in to around the world just to save on a few euros/shekels/rupees!

The view to the rear of the hotel is of a patch of rock-strewn scrubland inhabited by five cows, a wild pig and a crow. The crow sits on the back of the pig as it wanders about and pecks at the pig's bum. When the pig takes a poo, the crow stands underneath, open-beaked, not wanting to miss anything. You don't see this on Life on Earth.

To get here we've driven through the Thar desert and passed a few rural villages on the way. Nitin, our guide, had suggested that the villagers would appreciate gifts of shampoo, sweets and pencils. We stocked up on these and duly handed them out; the reaction was sometimes grateful, sometimes bemused and occasionally frenzied. Steve sustained a couple of scratches from tiny grabbing hands. This saving the world lark is harder than it looks. Don't know why Bono gets so much stick. We also took some video of the throng and played it back for them on the tiny screen. The little ones were amazed, but the older boys were a bit sniffy because I only had 3.2 megapixels.

Further on, we came to Bikaner, a dusty and undistinguished town on the edge of the desert. Our hotel here was sumptuous- a former maharaja's palace which once welcomed Queens Victoria and Elizabeth as guests. Our guide for the visit to Bikaner Fort intoduced himself as 'Mr Tony' - "not Tony Blair" he explained, just in case we were to confuse the PM with this short, portly Indian gentleman with red betel-stained teeth. It was to be his first and last joke on an afternoon where he became increasingly prickly in the face of our inane questions.

All along our tour, we've never been far from an Indian wedding. December is the season for these in India. We've been fortunate enough to see at least 5 processions. One night in particular was highly entertaining as it included a richly decorated elephant on the steps of our hotel where the banquet was to be held. Not one but two grooms arrived by horse drawn carriages festooned with flowers, tinsel and flashing lights. The crazed marching band and the singing and dancing of the relatives just about drowned out the sound of the generator which was providing power for a 20 metre string of portable plastic chandeliers. The fireworks being let off just feet away from us made us jump. The elephant meanwhile seemed oblivious to the commotion and so relaxed and at home with it all that he unburdened himself of 50 litres of pee right in the middle of the guests. According to Indian superstition, this was an auspicious thing to happen!

Right then, back to the hotel to see if our fellow tour members have managed to kick up enough of a stink to get us transferred. One of our party is a six foot six South African bodybuilder whose usual reaction to things going awry is to start dealing out WWF-style smackdowns. Hopefully, negotiations have not reached that stage...

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