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It's the night before my departure, and I am spending it in Delhi, with Ajay's family, looking at old photographs. Tomorrow, my friends Sona and Rebecca, and Kailash and his wife Mohini, are coming here to Panscheel Park for lunch. And then, in the evening, off to the airport ... I can't believe my six-month Indian odyssey is over, and that I will be in Canada two days from now ...
And I can't believe this is my last travel blog entry! (Oddly, I have written 46 in total, which is my age. One for each year.) I have been thinking about what I want to say in this last entry. There's so much! But I will try to make it succinct.
First of all, I want to thank everyone who has supported and encouraged me on this trip, starting from way back in the winter of 2005 when I decided, "I have to go to India for six months!" It has been a mammoth undertaking that completely changed my life, and I could not have done it if it wasn't for the help of sooo many people. I just want to mention a few: first and foremost, my
brother Andy (really, I COULD NOT have done this without him -- I owe you a BIG ONE, bro), and sister Victoria, my yoga teacher Bibi, my
friends Tamara and Paul, Mychael, Maryanne, Renee, Gosia, Chrissy, Sanjay, my PST group, Fran, and Ante for the inspiration.
I also want to thank everyone who came to my going away / fund raising party, and everyone who donated prizes to the raffle. I raised $1,000, but much more importantly, you gave me a tremendous lift -- the courage to leap into the unknown. It is not every day one decides to leave their regular life and follow the urgings of inner voices. Many people encounter tremendous opposition. But for some lucky reason, I have the kind of friends, family and community that seemed to implicitly understand. (I am planning to have a slide show for all of you after I get back. I can show you all the pictures I took at Art Refuge that I cannot put on the Internet, and tell you in more detail how your support has benefited others.)
And of course I also want to thank everyone I met on this journey, especially Kailash, Rebecca,
Jyotsna, Sona, Becky, Swamiji, Kausthub, Sigrun, Mette, Liza, Tessa, Shira, Frances, Karen, Lhamo, Caryl and Ajay and his family Geeta, Satish, Vijay, Meera and my favourite 7-year-old, Varada. I made so many friends, and met so many warm, wonderful and inspiring people, foreigners and Indians, throughout this trip.
But I especially want to thank Ajay. I feel I have been protected from the moment I set foot in this country, and saw Ajay waiting for me at the airport. No doubt there were other forces protecting me as well -- I often felt the presence of my parents -- but Ajay has always been there for me, guiding me, ensuring I was safe, and providing a connection and lifeline that was consistently available, for the entire trip. What this journey would have been like without him I cannot even imagine. And I don't want to. He has been a gift from god.
And, I want to thank the people who left me comments and messages. (Sorry! This is beginning to sound like an Oscar acceptance speech!!) I have received dozens and dozens of messages (close to 150!) and they have been overwhelmingly positive. Many of them have been
posted on the site, but many more were private. I am especially proud of this one, which was private, but I hope he won't mind if I share just a few sentences: "I am an Indian living in Delhi and working in Indian Railways. Therefore, travel, especially in India, is part of my job. I have met a lot of foreign guests during my travels. But I must say that your perspective on travel in India is one of the most balanced. You write beautifully, from the heart, and one can really feel your love for India. On the other hand, you have not overlooked the shortcomings of the physical infrastructure and the occasional harassment."
He is right. I do love India. I have completely fallen in love. In spite of the heat, noise, chaos, pollution, poverty, inefficiency, crowds, germs and con men; in spite of the aggressive autorickshaw drivers, hawkers and touts; in spite of the men who openly pee by the side of the road (one of my pet peeves -- why can't they wait until they get home, like all the women do!!); in spite of the beggars who follow you around the market, pleading, a
tiny baby in their arms; in spite of the fake pandits who try and extort large sums of money from you at holy sites; in spite of the fact that there is NEVER enough room for all the luggage on the train; in spite of the leers and stares; in spite of the toilets (don't get me started); in spite of the dangerous mosquitoes, giant cockroaches, enormous spiders; in spite of the fact that it is almost impossible to get a straight and accurate answer from anyone when all you want to know is "is the train on time?" or "where is the taxi stand?"
Finally, I want to thank the people at Travelblog.org for providing this fantastic -- and free -- forum. It's been a great way for me to keep in touch with people, and share my adventures. (I have 72 subscribers!) I am going to miss blogging ...
I can't explain it, but I felt compelled to come to India, and I feel I belong here. It doesn't make any sense. But that's what happens, I guess, when you decide to listen to your heart and soul, instead of your reason and logic and what
other people think.
This is a travel journal, and I have focused on describing my journey from the point of view of a traveller. But the truth is, for me this has been much more about the journey of my soul. And believe me, I could have written a much longer blog about the inner journey I have taken. I have discovered as much about myself as I have about India. And I have no doubt that my life will be forever altered, in a very positive way, from this experience.
For one thing, I have a new family and a new home. For me, this is not simply a luxury. In the few years before this trip, both my parents died, my fiance and I broke up, and our family cottage was lost. I was deeply bereft, hit hard by my losses, and suffering a crisis of faith.
But through my experiences in India, what I have seen, and what I have had to do to enjoy my time here (how I have had to grow, surrender, accept), I have learned so much. I have learned that life is not just a river of loss, taking everything away, as it once seemed to me. I have learned that life is an ocean of possibility. That the human spirit is infinite in its variety, and invincible. That drinking endless cups of tea with loved ones brings its own special bliss. That yoga is an attitude, not a posture. And that sometimes you have to let everything go, and jump into the abyss, in order to experience the loving embrace of a wise universe.
I hope I have also discovered a bigger part of me, and my own heart; my own capacity for love, acceptance, tolerance and compassion. I hope I have become a better person and that I will get the chance to use my new-found wisdom for the benefit of others.
Time will tell.
Thank you for joining me.
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Tis41
Theresa Clark Rawat
Safe journey back
I will be saddened to not be able to read your adventures in India anymore. I have read all of your entries many times over, and I must say you have changed a lot of my outlook on things here in India. Being American and being married to an Indian for the last four years and living most of that time here in Delhi has been very challenging for me, and not always the best of times, due to the religious and culture differences. I have never had a positive outlook on anything here until I started reading your journals. Seeing how you see things, it opened my eyes and helped me to accept and understand the differences in our cultures. I thank you for that, and also for sharing your wonderful photos and giving us all a look into your life for the last six months. I do pray you get to come back to India, and as you have mentioned many times, India seems to suit you, and in return, you suit India. God bless you on your return home and may you have a safe journey!