ON THE ROAD TO BOMBAY

---

---

Right before I start let's get one thing clear...

I TOTALLY DESERVE THIS HOLIDAY!!!!!!

I booked it in the middle of my Christmas leave last year and I ain't had a full week off work ever since! So the next three weeks are exclusively me time and I make no apologies for it!

To the uninitiated, (i.e. those of you who've never had one of my travel blogs foisted upon them before... and there are a couple), a quick explanation.

These are always long winded, self indulgent and involved emails. Partly cos that's just the person I am, and partly cos I'm out by myself on the other side of the planet and as much as I'm now getting fairly experienced at doing this, I do find it kind of comforting to think that maybe I'm still keeping in contact with folk, and kind of sharing the experience.

What I quickly discovered when I did my round the world stint in 2000 was that after a day of doing fantastic stuff, and seeing amazing sights on my own, it was greatly therapeutic to spend an hour in the early evening having a coffee in a cyber caff and sharing it all with folk I think might be interested, so... (no matter how sad this may sound), look upon these emails as the thing I do to stop me feeling isolated or totally lost.... AND TAKE THE FACT YOU'RE GETTING THIS EMAIL AT ALL AS A COMPLEMENT!!!!!!

Please note the addition of the odd cut and paste for extra information when I feel it necessary.

Just for introductions and politeness let me just say a quick hello to...

Len and Barbara, (who might be in London, but are just as likely in Japan).

Andrew, (in Wigton).

Matthew, (Left with the run of my house for three weeks).

Cat and Louise (Still hard at work in ITV Border).

Den and Audrey, (in Humberside).

June and Jenny, (in Dorset).

Claudia, (Across the Pond fighting Neo Conservatives in Missouri).

Michael, (No doubt complaining In Canada).

John, (constantly working in Whitriglees).

Neil, (GOD KNOWS WHERE COS HE'S VANISHED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH AND NEVER RETURNS TEXT MESSAGES).

And by no means least... Hello Mum!

Note to Cat and Louise... In case you're wondering why Adrian don't get included on these.... the way I fathom it the last thing he needs when he's running around like a headless chicken doing both our jobs is me annoying him with long winded emails about what a good time I'm having. (He gets a personal, abridged, more to the point, apologetic version instead).

So....

Yesterday was the longest Friday of my life, (technically there was a Saturday in there somewhere but I seem to have mislaid that).

Got up 4am Friday morning so I could ease myself into the final preparation, and was at work ALL DAY!!!!!

Finished at 6pm, wanted to Floor Manage but Adrian wouldn't let me! He said it's cos he didn't want me delayed for my train if anything went wrong in Studio, (but I reckon he's just been concerned all week that my Malaria pills are having an adverse effect on my temperament)!

Either way I reckon his judgment was probably right on both counts and it did also mean he was able to give me a lift to the station afterwards.

Caught the 7.11pm Virgin to Manchester, (Note to Claudia... that's a train). Then a train to Manchester airport that got me there at 9.52pm.

Found some chairs in a lounge to kip on for three hours or so and then checked in for my flight to Amsterdam at 4am, flying 6am.

Hour after that I was checking on my flight to Mumbai.

That took some doing actually. I was flying North West airlines, (American you know), and they're all a little anal about their security checks. This security guard looked at my Mozambique visa suspiciously for a while and tried to catch me out with some trick questions, but I was too sly for him.

Had to watch the Stepford wives on route, (which did somewhat make the journey drag), but got into a good anti Bush and Blair debate with the guy sitting next to me who works in Atlanta, but comes from Bangalore and was on his way home visiting his family. (Well I say debate... we both thought Bush and Blair were a couple of penisis so generally we were in agreement throughout)!

Was met by my transfer driver at Mumbai airport, 11.30ish pm local time. He didn't speak much English but when he turned his key and the car did nowt he seemed to understand the phrase 'Alternators Fucked' easily enough, and agreed with me.

After much hammering he finally got it started and we sped off into the night on the notorious Mumbai roads.

Everything you may have heard is true! I now know there is a God as that can be the only explanation on how we got from the Airport to the Hotel safely! It was like Grand Theft Auto for real. I mean I thought after Cairo I'd be hardened to this sort of thing, but I have to admit there probably were a couple of occasions on route where I screamed like a girl!

Cars go head to head at high speed, (not all with working headlamps), pedestrians strole with ease in the middle of fast flowing traffic, the smallest spaces are squeezed into, wing mirrors demolished as par for the course, and three men to a motorcycle, (at least one talking on a mobile phone), seems the standard rule.

At the end of the journey I just turned to my driver and said 'Your blood circulation must be so good!'

The Heritage Hotel, in the suburb of Bycula is to say the least basic.

The details off the internet sounded good: -

Overview
Hotel Heritage is one of the leading 3 Star hotels in Bombay, the dream city of India. Hotel Heritage is renowned for its state-of-the-art facilities, and quality service. Hotel Heritage is situated in the heart of Bombay city. 16 kms. from Airport, 1 km. from Railway Station, and 1km. from Bombay Central.


Accommodation
The Heritage Hotel Bombay with its modern and distinctive look offers several well equipped Single rooms, Double rooms and Suites. Amongst the various special room facilities offered by the Heritage Hotel are Safe deposit, Mini-bar, and Travel counter.


Dining Facilities
Heritage Hotel offers fine dining experience to its guests:
The Royale- It is the multi-cuisine restaurant that serves delicious Chinese, Indian and Moghlai food to tantalize your taste buds.
The Majestic- It is the 24-hours Coffee shop that serves sumptuous Parsi cuisine.
The Roof Garden- It is a beautiful open-air venue for cocktails, parties and get-togethers. Gujarati and Jain cuisines may also be enjoyed.
The Vintage Bar- Boasts of a fine a selection of Indian and imported spirits.

Other Facilities
Doctor on call, Laundry, Money Changer, Banking, Safe Deposit, Valet and Travel Desk Services are also available at the Hotel Heritage



The reality is a little different but that's ok, it’s pretty standard for my style of accommodation when traveling. My room has a rather hard bed, en suite shower room of sorts, TV, (which is a bonus), a fridge, ceiling fan, and AC that leaves a puddle on the floor overnight.

Still you pays for what you get and at least it's secure.

This morning I met with our tour leader, (Vipal), and met the first of our group. Apparently there will be seven of us in total but I'm yet to meet everyone.

I tend to assume these days the likelihood, (given the kind of trip this is), of me being the oldest on these kind of things, so was surprised to meet first Joan and Glenn from Atlanta who are in their mid 50s I reckon and work in real estate. Then there is Jamie from Sydney, (29, was either very shy or recovering from a hangover... couldn't decide which), and Paula who is also an Ozzie. (I've just been chatting to her outside and I reckon we're gonna get along).

There is one more bloke and a girl to join us so I'll keep you appraised.

My big frustration about today was that I had real problems getting money.

You can't bring Rupees into the country and given that today is a Sunday finding somewhere to exchange traveler’s cheques proved a problem. Hotel hadn't enough cash and the local money exchange said come back later.

Initially I got stroppy and decided damn the situation I would forgoe a taxi and just walk to what I wanted to see and not worry about little things like buying water.

This wasn't easy as no one in the hotel could show me on the map where we were. So like all mad dogs and Englishmen I ventured out in the mid day sun anyway and eventually found a station I could find on my map and used that as a marker point. I then made my best guess which was the right direction and set off. It was only an hour later, when I suddenly remembered I carry a compass just for this eventuality, that I discovered I was walking due North instead of the needed south, so I turned round and eventually ended back at my hotel, parched, exhausted and ready to drop.

Thankfully by then the money exchanger across the road was in a position to help me change some cheques and I ventured out again in the late afternoon, (stopping along the way to buy lots of water and Pepsi).

I'm not fond of taxi's, (especially on Bombay roads), so decided I'd try the train instead.

Met a lot of friendly folk on the platform, including a south African jobbing builder and his Indian mate. Having been to South Africa we had many notes to compare and then they tried to teach me Indian swear words. They told me they were giving me useful phrases you should say to say 'hello' 'goodbye' and if your talking to the ladies... but they weren’t fooling me. We had French exchange students at Nelson Thomlinson so I know the score and can only guess at what those phrases really meant.

Then I was accosted by two well dressed blokes who wanted to know my feelings on India, what did the British people think of India, what did I think of Tony Blair, (My mission whilst here is to spread as much anti Blair propaganda as I can by the way), and then went into detail on Indian politics with me. I was glad when the train came.

Indian trains are cool! Really scruffy and scummy like ours, but they leave the doors open so you can hang out the side along the way, (and sometimes have no choice if it gets crowded).

We arrived at Victoria Terminus the main station.

Like Bombay is now Mumbai, Victoria Terminus now has a politically correct Indian name but the locals don't adapt to change very well and still call it VT or 'VEETEE'. It's a massive rambling Victorian gothic ruin that has seen better days.

Note to June... Downtown Mumbai is very reminiscent of Maputo... Sort of make do and mend post apocalyptic.

From there I walked through some of the back streets.

At one point I was harassed by some 8 year old street urchin until I finally gave in and let him have the last quarter of the bottle of Pepsi I was drinking. Also got chatted to by a bloke about his memories of Hull and his friends in Leicester. It has to be said, Indians like to come and have a chat, and once you get passed the suspicion that they're up to something it really is the best way to learn about the place.

The major pastime on a Sunday here seems to be playing cricket. Every alleyway and thouroughfair have matches in progress, and at one point as a ball whizzed towards me I attempted to make a catch, and failed! (Probably reinforced every England Cricketer stereotype these people have)!

Finally made it down to the Gateway of India in the late afternoon/early evening.

Note...Gateway of India, Mumbai

Mumbai's most famous monument, this is the starting point for most tourists who want to explore the city. It was built as a triumphal arch to commemorate the visit of King George V and Queen Mary, complete with four turrets and intricate latticework carved into the yellow basalt stone.

Ironically, when the Raj ended in 1947, this colonial symbol also became a sort of epitaph: the last of the British ships that set sail for England left from the Gateway. Today this symbol of colonialism has got Indianised, drawing droves of local tourists and citizens. Behind the arch, there are steps leading down to the water. Here, you can get onto one of the bobbing little motor launches, for a short cruise through Mumbai's splendid natural harbour.

Built in the Indo-saracenic style, the Gateway of India is meant to commemorate the visit of King George V and Queen Mary to Bombay, prior to the Darbar in Delhi in December 1911. The foundation stone was laid on March 31, 1911 and George Wittet's final design sanctioned in August 1914.

It's very impressive and was my sight of the day!

Walking back I have to admit to breaking a personal rule. Only a few days ago at work I was pontificating that I never go into MacDonald’s when abroad, (unless when in the USA on the grounds it counts there as ethnic food)! However I have to admit, I was just a little too whacked to be adventurous in my cuisine this evening so when I saw the Golden arches I decided to literally swallow my principles. I did have something uniquely Indian though! A chicken Maharaja! (Kind of McChicken Burger in a spicy curry sauce... won't be having it again)!

They don't seem to do Big Macs.... (suspect it has something to do with all the cows being sacred)!

I lost my nerve about trying to catch a train back. (Kept having visions of me getting on the wrong one and ending up in Kashmir)! So I got up the courage and nabbed a taxi.

Cost me the Equivalent of a quid 50 to go the same distance as it would from Thursby to Carlisle, (so as a generous gesture I splashed out and gave the driver an equivalent 30p tip as well). Tomorrow it's up at 5.30am to catch the early train to Ahmedebad. It's 8.30pm here now so 3pm GMT time, (Clocks are unnecessarily awkward here). Will keep you appraised!

---

Comments

[John Kirikos]

What's wrong with Indan McDonalds?
Hey great to see you've tried the "Maharajah Mac" If you have to eat at Mickey Deez again, I reccomend the McPizza Puff, and the Aloo Tiki.