take two.

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The power is back up and running and I'm back from my massage. Though I was just incredibly violated I feel like a new man...

Back to where I left off. Magee and I are searching for beer in a dry town in India (read my first post).

"You want beer?"

We turned first to see this guy waving and motioning for us to follow him across the street. Then we turned to eachother and with a shrug of our shoulders, followed him. We still hadn't said anything to him but blindly followed him down an alley way. Then down a long hallway. Then around a corner. We then found ourselves in some sort of courtyard - open air but surrounded by four walls. There were a dozen or so plastic tables and plastic kids chairs scattered around the courtyards. Instead of little rascals playing with Play-doh though, there were middle-aged Indian men getting wasted.

Honestly? We were scared (Magee admitted it first, obviously). So sketchy, so dirty, so illegal...so thirsty. We ordered two Kingfisher Strongs. The guy brought them to us and asked if he should open the bottles for us. Either he expected us to open them with our teeth or he wanted us to take the beers and leave. We had him open them.

We love when weird shit happens to us and it happens all the time. Last week we almost got kidnapped by Mr. India 1982. Another time we were attacked by a pack of albinos. Weird shit. Seriously though some albino girl punched me in the stomach while her blind father tried to corral Magee into a corner. We love it all. The weirder the better. So we stayed.

You know the evil eye? A look that could kill? Your mom probably had one or an ex-girlfriend. Well in India people are too peaceful and non-violent for shouting or fighting. You cut someone off or bump into them in the street they wont have much to say but they will be sure to give you one HELL of an evil eye. Our guide Shaji (aka the Shaj Mahal) - so much to say so little time - was walking in the streets the other day and got pinned between a parked car and a bicycle rickshaw. He was inches away from a broken leg. He didnt say a word to the rickshaw driver. Enter evil eye. He just looked at him and left him with broken spirits and a wet daiper - there were tears in his eyes.

Anyways, thats the evil eye and EVERY guy in our underground bar was giving it to us. Everytime they set down their plastic cups of water and whiskey they shot us a glance. We kept to ourselves and ordered another round. Once again the waiter was reluctant to open our bottles but we urged him to do so again. A few minutes later I casually and seemingly quietly spit to the side of our table. Not a bad move in India - they do it all the time, loud and proud. Not in in here.

"Don't ever do that again," said Magee quietly but oh so seriously.

"Why? They do it all the time here what's the big - "

"Just don't. And don't look behind you."

I didn't have to. I could feel an evil eye piercing the back of my skull and setting my brain on fire. It was another waiter and he wasn't happy. And he stood there staring at me for the rest of the night. Our waiter came back and we took two for the road and paid. We left - without looking back. The same guy who brought us in had to show us the way out again and we thanked him and turned the corner before bursting into laughter and a final sigh of relief.

We followed the obstacle course back to our hotel and walked into our room with eleven minutes to order room service. The desk answered before we'd even opened the menu. One order of chicken and something we couldn't translate and one order of, well just something we couldnt translate. Add four orders of garlic naan and two banana splits and we were set to feast like kings. Good thing we tip like kings.

We popped on the T.V. to watch a few minutes of cricket before falling asleep (just like every night) but were graced with the presence of George Bush.

"Why don't you save those questions for Condi - she's the one with all the Phd.'s. Hell, I'm a C student!"

Pure comedic genius. We laughed ourselves through the rest of the Q and A before finding some cricket. Pakistan and Bangladesh. After making comments to eachother about wickets and overs or widgets and bowlers we fell asleep. We had seven hours before we had to be in the hotel lobby to leave and five hours before we'd be woken by the sweet sounds of Muslim prayer - maximum volume for maximum fun. Sweet dreams, India.

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