Party bus to Havari

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When last I wrote we were waiting to get picked up by Sagar to head up north to his new wife's hometown to have another reception there.

We were sort of used to the way timelines work in India by this point, so although we had been told we would be picked up at noon, we had a feeling that might not be the case. We opted to have a drink in our favourite "Aqua Bar" to wait it out. Eventually Sagar showed up with his family in what can only be described as a party bus! It was like a comfy 15 passenger travel van/bus with sweet blue/green lighting and a great sound system. The van was to take us (myself, Josh, Jeff, Vanessa, and Brodie) and Sagar, his parents, his aunt, and Deepa. It's a good think that it was a comfy ride, because the journey was actually a lot longer than we expected. It must have been at least 400km north and it took many hours.

On the way, Sagar showed me some of the pictures of the wedding photographer on his computer and explained some of the parts that were confusing to us during the actual ceremony. The rituals and symbolism was endless - I couldn't possibly rewrite it all. But many of the traditions were really sweet, like the ritual of seven steps to show devotion to husband and vice versa. He also explained to me the five things that married women wear: a red forhead spot, a nose peircing, flowers in her hair, a necklace, and a toe ring. Apprantly the numbers 5 and 11 are considered lucky in India. You do things like burn five sticks of incense, or give five or eleven types of fruit in a basket as a gift.

A bit over half way, we stopped for dinner in a small town. Sagar ordered us a giant spread of food, but shortly afterwards Deepa informed him that her mother was making a bunch of food for us in Havari, so we shouldn't eat a full dinner. Whoops! So we cancelled our order and switched to "snacks," but the snack was pretty much still a full meal for me. I was somewhat dreading getting to Havari because I forsaw a whole bunch of food being placed in front of a very full me. Sure enough, that's what happened...

Deepa's house was pretty amazing. It was about three floors high with an open concept design and a big winding staircase up through it. It also had a nice landscaped courtyard which actually had lawn. When we came back the next day we discovered it's multiple beautiful rooftop terraces and - our favourite element - an indoor swing!! There is a specific Indian festival that uses the swing, but it can be played on at other times of the year.

Shortly after we arrived we sat down for food. There were only 6 spots set at the table and there were tons of us, so it was a bit awkward to figure out who was supposed to sit at the table. At the end I sat at the table while a few others sat on a nearby bench, but I knew I would regret that decision because it would prevent me from escaping from food consumption. They constantly put more and more food on my plate and I felt so badly having to refuse, but I just couldn't do it. Some people have stomachs which seem to be able to expand to accomodate whatever is necessary - I am not htat way. I just can't eat if I'm not hungry, no matter how much pressure I feel. I hate it because food is so often a social thing and I frequently find myself feeling rude for having to decline food while others are just trying to be good hosts. This night was no different. The food was delicious, but the quantity was so much! Once we finished the bus took us to the small nearby hotel we would be staying the night in. The rest stayed behind because Deepa's family is quite orthodox and normally the men eat first and then the women, so half the group still had to eat. Whoops... should I not have eaten or not have sitten at the table? Sagar said it was fine. Ah well.

Considering we were in such a small town the "VIP Suites" which we were housed in were actually pretty nice. I wasn't sure what kind of accomodation they would have for us. Certainly no internet there, though! No toilet paper either, but luckily I'm always prepared =) The best part of where we were staying was the rooftop courtyard. I thought it would have been nice to sleep out there under the stars, but there were a whole number of guys who seemed to work for the hotel that slept out there, instead! I thought maybe they just didn't have anywhere else to sleep, but Sagar said they were there in case we needed anything in the middle of the night. Yikes! I am not used to the amount of "attending to" that we get in India. People are always serving food onto our plates instead of just leaving a serving dish on the table, or bringing our bags around, or just kind of hovering.

We were told to meet Sagar's parents at the reception for breakfast at 9am, but when we tried to find them they weren't there, and we weren't sure where we should be going. This didn't really surprise us, again, due to loose timelines here, so we just went back up to the rooftop and we all took some time to read in the shade. At one point, some guys silently brought over some little dixie cups of something hot (tea? coffee? there is so much milk and sugar we couldn't tell), which was pretty good. Around an hour later a nice man came to get us and told us to come down to the basement for breakfast. It turns out that we WERE supposed to have gone down at 9am, but we just didn't know what to do. So once we never turned up various phonecalls were made and this gentleman took us under his wing. Thanks goodness, because would have been lost. We sat in a row along a long silver table and were served some pretty tasty curries on palm leaves. After that, we were directed to the bus, which took us back to Deepa's house. It seemed that people were a bit surprised to see us there, but we were just following directions! This whole day was rather confusing.

We hung out with Deepa and got to know her better. She showed us the rest of her house, including the network of solar panels on the roof which are used to heat water for the house. She said that their set up was an older model, but they didn't want to upgrade because the monkeys would destroy the pipes! Sure enough, a metal tank up there was full of dents from them. I had no idea monkeys could do so much damage! We also enjoyed watching the wild pigs off the roof, frolicking in the garbage. Deepa had to go change into her wedding clothes for the next, and final, reception, so we amused ourselves on the indoor swing. The reception was supposed to start at noon but I think it was probably around 1pm when the bride and groom headed over in a cute red car decorated with flowers and signs.

This reception seemed a bit less formal and the atmosphere seemed a bit more fun than the other events. There were probably around 200 people in attendance, but Deepa seemed to know most of the people there and both she and Sagar appeared to have a good time. Vanessa and I weren't really dressed up when it started because we had just been shuttled around all morning without sense of what was happening when, but after sitting amongst everyone in their faciest saris we eventually became self-conscious and went upstairs to change into nicer clothes (the reception was in the hotel where we were staying). I took the opportunity to get one last use out of my pink Indian outfit that the Dugani's had bought for me. I love it!

These receptions have two parts: greeting the bride and groom on stage, blessing them, then getting a picture taken, and EATING. After we had done our bit on stage we were ready to eat. The giant lunch was in the basement area where we had had breakfast. Man, what a production!! The whole things was a finally organized, if slightly chaotic appearing, enterprise. Everyone was seated along rows of long tables. A long roll of paper tablecloth was laid out, and then the procession of servers began. They would slap down palm leaves and bottles of water (then people would wash their palm leaves with the water, we noted for our turn). Then various servers with buckets and ladles would whizz by dowling out curries and chutneys and breads and a bunch of things which were totally unknown to me. This would continue until no one could eat any more. Then the diners would stand up and leave, the table cloth-paper would be rolled up with all the palm leaves, the table would be wiped down, and the process would start again for the next seating. It was pretty impressive! It was a bit hard to get a spot, mind you, but fortunately, again, a few people took us under their wing and secured us a seating. After we sat down there was a loooong wait before anything happened, and we weren't really sure what was going on. Turns out they had ran out of paper roll, so everything had to be held up until some new paper could be acquired. It was worth the waiting, though. Mmmmm such good food! Probably my best meal in India. (Sagar told us later that the hotel guys were super happy that we enjoyed the meal).

Oh! And I forgot about the roti bread man! There was a guy set up in the corner with a giant hot plate in front of him. He must have been dying from heat, but he was great at what he does. Basically, he would scoop up batter from a giant bat and pour it onto the grill in perfectly sized circle pancakes. Dip, pour, dip, pour, dip, pour. He had real rhythm to it, working with his right hand and keeping his left hand on his hip, with kind of a pelvic thrust each time he poured. Then he would grab the spatula and flip flip flip! Some extra spices and greens of some kind were sprinkled on, then they would all get flopped into a giant bowl, ready to eat. Yum!

We were supposed to be on the road back to Bangalore by 3pm (the day before we were told noon...) but we knew that wasn't going to happen so we just went up to the rooftop and read until someone came to get us. Around 5pm, it was finally time to hit the road. We stopped off at Deepa's house to say final goodbyes. It was so touching to see the way the two families had bonded already. There was lots of love between them, that much was obvious. Deepa was staying in Havari for a few more weeks because she has to write her final engineering exams, then she will come to Bangalore to live with Sagar's family. From now on, she "belongs" to Sagar's family (but only in the sense that she's like their daughter, it's not a repressive thing). We were supposed to stop at a cousin's for tea, but mercifully we skipped that as it was getting late and we had a long, long drive back to Bangalore.

I think it was around 1am when we reached our hotel. For a lot of that journey I was glad I was in the back and couldn't see out the front very well. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to road travel for me in most developing countries, and this journey was certainly no exception. Rickshaw travel in the city is nuts, but at least you don't travel very quickly. Highway speeds with rickshaw-style weaving is a whole other ballgame. We did get a reminder of the dangers of the road, though. We passed an accident scene where a big SUV-type vehicle had hit and killed a bull. The bull was dead, but the vehicle was in pretty bad shape, too. I guess it's like hitting a moose back in Canada.

I think I'll end this entry here, and start another one for the post-wedding happenings.

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