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Published: October 29th 2015
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The groom, Sandeep, receiving blessings outside his home (right by a digger) the night before his wedding On the 13
th October when we woke up in the morning it was like the season had completely changed overnight. From beautiful sunny and hot weather it is now very overcast and cold, a sure sign that winter is on its way. It was so strange that this sudden change of weather also occurred on the day that the wedding and Diwali season began. Everybody started redecorating their homes and shops for Diwali, lights went up on buildings all around town and marriage halls were decorated beautifully. With this now being wedding season Alex and I were invited to two different weddings as Anti had two relatives getting married. These weddings were on the same days but since Indian weddings last for three days we were able to go to the first part of one and then the second part of the other.
In the first part of an Indian wedding the bride and groom celebrate with their own families, I guess a little like a hen and stag do but it takes place in their family homes with all of their family and friends present (men and women). For the woman she has henna painted all over her arms
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Sitting down to enjoy an Indian marriage feast! and legs and for the man he has various traditional blessings given to him by his family. I went to the groom’s celebrations with Anti and her son. When I arrived everyone was really chilled at first enjoying chai and all of a sudden the brass band started playing very loudly and old women started chanting and we all had to march with the groom to a certain spot outside their home – right by a massive digger! They then went through a long ritual of blessing the groom with various oils, spices, herbs and earth. That’s one thing that struck me about Indian marriages is that it’s very earthy! Then different women lined up to bless the groom, Sandeep, and they posed for photos with him. Afterwards we all marched back into the house for halva; a type of Indian sweet, and then dinner began.
There were two sittings for dinner and in both sittings the men and women had to sit separately. The food was amazing, an Indian thali of rice, poori (a type of Indian bread), mixed veg, channa (chickpeas), raita (a yoghurt based side) and sweets to finish. We sat on the floor to eat
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The bride, Meenu, of the second marriage I went to, preparing herself for the ceremony as servers would come around scooping the next batch of food on our plates so quickly. The man who was serving hot rice scooped it out of his hand, it was unbelievable! Then after both sittings the area was quickly cleared and the DJ started playing. I was dragged to the dance floor with some ladies but very quickly people I was dancing with started disappearing. Suddenly I looked around and it was just me and one little girl on the dance floor and everyone was taking photos and videos of us - very embarrassing! A crazy night of celebrating ended with our taxi getting stuck in a ditch on the way home, but the boys from the party came to rescue us very quickly!
Part two of the Indian wedding was the following night and it was the marriage ceremony of the other relatives of Anti’s. I really enjoyed myself at the wedding but I don’t know how comfortable I felt about the whole thing by the fact that it was an arranged marriage and the bride and groom were around the same age as me. They looked so awkward around each other and it made me feel
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The couple and family sit in front of cow poo as their marriage is blessed. very strange and question how happy I was for the whole event. In a Himachaly wedding it normally takes place at night or in the late evening. This particular wedding took place in their family home but some wealthier Indian families have their weddings in marriage halls. Each room in the house was used for something; one for the bride’s preparation, another where all of the women chilled and later got out loads of duvets to sleep and snuggle under. Another room was for the groom to prepare himself and later that was where they had the ceremony, rituals and blessings. In the courtyard outside the house they had a tent which is where the whole ceremony started. The groom had to sit there and taste, scatter and touch different bowls of yoghurt, oils and spices whilst an old man chanted ancient Sanskrit telling him the rules of being a good husband. Then the groom walked to the room to greet the bride where they put wreaths over each other.
They then moved into one of the rooms of the house to begin the next part of the ceremony. This was really dark, mystical and magical. The same old
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Dragging Anti up to the dance floor! man chanted ancient Sanskrit to the couple whilst a huge slab of cow poo lay in front of them, with flies swarming around it. They had to hold some of the cow poo whilst their parents poured water through their hands and scattered more spices, herbs and oils. According to Indian custom cow poo is the most purifying thing which is why it is used to bless marriages. After all of these rituals and blessings I guess they were then officially married, but Indian’s don’t show any public affection amongst couples so there was no ‘you may now kiss the bride’.
I found the whole ceremony exciting but strange but on reflection I guess if they came over to the UK and saw an English wedding they’d probably find our customs and traditions very strange also. Another thing that surprised me was how nobody really seemed to be paying attention to the ceremony. This is probably because they attend so many weddings every year and the whole process lasts for such a long time that they would get so tired of having to pay attention for the entire duration.
After the ceremony we all sat down to eat.
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The newly married couple pose for a private photoshoot. This time I think there were about four sittings for dinner as there were so many people at the marriage. The food was really amazing and everyone was so surprised that I didn’t want to sit on a chair and I was happy sitting on the floor. They also kept asking if I wanted to eat with a spoon but I was happy eating in the Indian style, with my right hand. I guess it was the first time they had seen a foreigner at a wedding and were quite unsure of how to treat me. We got the chance to do some dancing too, there was no disco this time, just a marching band, but they were actually a better band than Tuesdays! Anti was so funny, she desperately wanted me to dance but when I wanted her to dance with me she kept refusing. I was practically dragging her to the dance floor!
We also got the rare opportunity to watch the couple’s intimate photo shoot in one of the rooms. This was eye opening; it felt a very forced photo shoot and the reality that this couple now have to spend the rest of their lives together even though they hardly know each other became very real for me then. The bride, Meenu, was also very interesting. For the whole evening she had been incredibly quiet and reserved, fidgeting a lot with her hands and looking so scared. But the moment that Alex and I told her that we had to leave, as we had to go to school the next day, she suddenly showed her true personality and was the sweetest person ever saying ‘no no no please don’t go, please stay’ She was so sad that we had to leave early. I caught her mum crying in the kitchen during the evening and gave her a hug to comfort her. She will hardly ever see her daughter now that she is married and has to live with her husband’s family.
To summarise, my experience at an Indian wedding was one I’ll never forget. I don’t know how happy I feel about many aspects of it but it was amazing to be included and to witness such an ancient custom and tradition.
K xx
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