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Published: November 5th 2010
A GAME WITH NO WINNERS
Last entry I sent you some photographic proof of what a very nice squat toilet looks like, so this time around I thought I'd give you a little more insight into their use - at least from the male perspective.
As you can probably imagine, most public restrooms aren't in exactly the most sanitary state (you can usually find them from about 50ft away by the fairly strong odor). And most stalls / pits (at least in the mens rooms) come with an amorphous ring of yellow fluid (we'll try to imagine it's not pee for now). Now, what you wouldn't know from just a glance is that these liquid rings are actually boundary lines for a game Chinese men like to play - "How Far Away Can I Stand and Still Hit the Pit?" You may think I'm kidding, but I've walked into restrooms and seen men peeing from 4, 5, and even 6 feet away from the toilet / pit / trough. I even walked into one restroom and saw a man leaning against the wall behind him while relieving himself. I think he was taking a nap!
Now, as you've
probably figured out, the game has a major drawback - the yellow puddle ALWAYS gets bigger no matter how good a man's aim is. I've actually seen to restroom where the "no standing zone" extended out the bathroom door. Fortunately I have yet to meet the Chinese man w/ the bravado to try "playing" from out there. Unfortunately, I have yet to play this game (hard to let go of some American norms), so I'm just REALLY thankful that I travel with waterproof shoes!
THE BROTHERS GRIMM (ACTUALLY ENGELBERT HUMPERDINK) WOULD BE PROUD
Earlier this week I spent a day hiking through the Dragon's Backbone Rice Terraces (in northern Guanxi Province) and I walked right into a scene out of Hansel and Gretel. After hiking for about 3 hours, a local lady asked me if I'd like some lunch. I thought it would be a cool experience and a good way to support the local community, so I agreed. As soon as I walked inside and went upstairs to the combined living room / bedroom / kitchen / etc. (downstairs was where they kept the pig, chickens, and plant seed) she started giggling / cackling manically. And
then she rand to the window and yelled something out the window that I obviously couldn't understand. The next thing I knew, there were three more old ladies running up the stairs, and they were all cackling too!!!
When I saw that they were preparing LOTS of food, I figured I was just going to be joining them as part of their normal lunch. As usual, I was dead wrong. It was ALL for me, including a large bowl / mini-bucket of strong rice alcohol that would have been enough to get a horse drunk! I desperately tried to get them to join me, but they weren't having any of it.
When I was about 1/3 of the way through the food, I started to get a suspicious when they started cackling again with every new bite - and the oldest lady was really pushing me to down the alcohol (I'd only had 5 sips and I was already feeling it).
So anyway, I pushed on a little further and actually made i through 1/2 of the food before I started feeling like I was about to burst. As you can probably imagine, the cackling increased
when I started rolling my eyes and indicating how full I was. As I tried to protest, they started putting their arms out indicating a BIG belly - either indicating that I'm big and I can eat lots of food, or, in my opinion the more likely option - that they were trying to fatten me up to toss me in the wok next.
They eventually tried to tempt me with some sweets, and it was about then that I decided it was time to high tail it out of there!
A PUBLIC FORUM AND COMEDY CLUB IN ONE
For those who don't know this already - Chinese people are LOUD and NOT SHY. And the best place to see these characteristics is on a public bus. Every bus ride I've been on has turned into a public debate and heckling sessions (at least that's what it sounds like to me). It always starts when someone yells at the driver - either about the next stop, his driving, free-market economies, or whatever (I really have no clue). Then the driver yells something back, and at this point every other person on the bus takes sides. The
first speaker and the driver have one more exchange and then it becomes a free-for-all as everyone starts yelling one-liners / zingers as fast as they can. I swear it feels like a stand-up-routine gone bad where the crowd turns on the performer, and I keep expecting people on the bus to start throwing bottles!
RANDOM THINGS
1. I saw a man walking his ducks a couple of days ago. It was just him and a long stick to help reign in his 30 or so ducks as they wandered through the rice paddies.
2. I got to watch an old man trying to catch fish using cormorants. Very cool and a little bit bizarre.
3. A guy set fire to our train car! He was smoking, which he wasn't supposed to be doing (the words no / don't seem to have opposite meanings in English and Chinese because every time I see a sign saying "don't do ____", it seems all the locals read it as a command that they "must do ____"), so he hid the cigarette under his seat every time the train attendant came by. Well, he held it under the
seat a little too long one time and set the plastic seat cover to smoldering. He managed to put the fire out fairly quickly, but our car still filled w/ so much smoke that you couldn't see the other end of it. And the attendant STILL didn't say / do anything when he walked back through the cloud of toxic fumes!
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Jaimee
non-member comment
Hi Andy!
Hi Andy, I'm loving reading your blog! I just went back and started from the beginning. It sounds like you are having the most incredible time and I'm insanely jealous! :) Do you have a map of everywhere you are going?? Would love to see your entire journey. Travel safe and have fun! -Jaimee