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Where are those map skills?
Sometimes even the best can get lost!Well, after all the emails asking: "When is Matt going to publish his first blog?" - here it is. South Adelaide supporters have not had to wait as long for this blog as another premiership (1964), nor Saint Kilda supporters as long as their one and only in 1966. I cannot guarantee that readers will enjoy this as much as respective football supporters enjoyed these victories, but I will attempt at least to provide some light entertainment. Unfortunately, given Chris' love of blogging, not many photos can be accommodated in this edition without repeating previously published photos. Fortunately, given Chris' greater love of taking photos, I am sure that I will be able to dig something from the "unpublished" section.
As some of you know, Chris is the avid bike rider and I am more a keen traveller. In fact, so limited was my preparation for this trip that I cycled more in the physio's consultation room in an attempt to diagnose my
sore knee than I did trying to regain my fitness for the 2000+ kilometres I was about to attempt on on a bike. None the less, I was always of the opinion that the fact that my
Weapon of death
Notice the eastern forehand grip. I couldn't capture racquet head speed though, which I guarantee was up there. heart "was larger than Chris'", which I assumed correct given the 15+ kilos my frame had on his, would lift me up mountains effortlessly and allow me to glide over tarmac roads with relative ease. Unfortunately heart size is not proportional to weight, which I should have known, given the autopsies performed on Pharlap, and the hills were not effortless. Instead, I have come to subscribe to the common theory that heart size is more directly related to height, of which Chris has 6 inches on me (or volume of EPO injected). Thus, most people would picture Chris waiting patiently up hills for me to peddle up to him. Infact this was not the case and it was instead me waiting for Chris at hill tops to rearrange his camera in his waterproof bag, on 38 degree days with not a cloud in sight, packing away his camera after another photo of a "beautiful" rice field. I am sure that you have seen these photos littered throughout the blog. I believe that there are more to come.
However, from emails back home and blog comments, I have heard that everyone has enjoyed Chris' publications (which indeed they should given
High speed chase
Perfect for those slow days at the office when the cards are lost. the time that he spends on them - often up to 6 hours an entry). I also enjoy the time he spends writing up the blog, for other reasons.... So, this entry is rather an observation of Chinese culture, things that have not been discussed on previous entries, and anything else that comes to mind. Essentially the limits on this blog are those imposed by the photos that have previously been published by Chris. For those that know me, they will know this, but for others - a disclaimer: Literary licence has been used throughout this post and some or all of the stories may or may not have happened. Names may have also been altered to protect the credibility and community standing of characters.
I suppose the first thing is our meeting. Lonely planets can be a wonderful thing, so too Chris' spelling, so we arranged to meet in Monglum, southern China, "just north of Laos". I should have assumed that Chris would spell the name of the town that we intended to meet wrong, and infact had sort of assummed that he would (please do not point out any spelling or grammatical mistakes in this edition -
Mushrooms before bikes
Lucky we had more roof space than the volume of mushrooms consumed by dali citizens per week! Chinese keyboards are difficult!). I suppose for those living in the U.K. it would be like Chris saying, "we will meet at Big Bon". Even with misspelling most sensible people would be able to find him there and even probably be on time. I also did not see any problem with searching for a town that remotely looked or sounded like "Monglum". Unfortunately, I had not assummed that every second town in the area would start with "Mong" and have various endings like "lun", "mon", "mul" etc. This caused much difficulty in realising what town we were meant to meet in. After various emails and phone calls the town had been sorted. All we had to do now was meet at the prearranged hostel. Unfortunately this hostel had closed down, which has turned out to be a common occurrence throughout China. I decided to wait patiently on what I thought to be the road which Chris would have to take to arrive in the town, whilst Chris was waiting patiently on the actual road into town. Needless to say the initial meeting was long overdue, and even resorted to Chris graffitiing signs to atrract my attention and his location. I doubt Chris could be found with smoke flares
judging by his attempt at attracting my attention with this graffiti.
I suppose that also leads to the next topic - map reading. A some of you know coming from a family of 8 requires no need for seeking out extra cirricular activities such as scouts or the like. Coming from a smaller
family with only a single sister obviously necessitated a different outlet - for Chris this was Girl Guides and I am lead to believe that he was "best in show" in the map reading competitions. Unfortunately, directions and map reading are not my strong points, which most Adelaideans are probably aware of when I point aimlessly towards the north when the ocean is directly infront of me. Anyway, given our differing strengths Chris always travels with a map and compass, which invariably he does not need anyway because can can tell both the time and the direction from the sun - which I am lead to believe he has been able to do most of his life - other than when he is in England because the sun is not often seen due to cloud cover, or when he is in China due to pollution. Nonetheless, with map and compass at hand for when the sun is not visible, we generally make satisfactory progress, stopping for photo opportunities (rice fields), to repair flat tyres, and food breaks. Thankfully Chris has schooled me in map reading, contours, north points etc, and we have only been lost once, a 20 km detour, uphill mind you, to a place called - you guessed it, Monghai!
Culturally, Chinese people are super friendly. Chris and I have not experienced anything other than generosity, kindness or interest in 2 stupid blokes on bikes. When we compare the effort that Chinese hotel receptionists make to accommodate our biikes under cover, or understand our sign language pointing out the need for a twin room (which is invariably understood to mean a double), and I compare it to the looks that a Chinese tourist, who doesnt speak a word of the language, would get in Australia from a grumpy hotel clerk it is polar opposites. Having said that they do have some "interesting quirks": first on the list noise.
Chinese people have a tendency to do everything noisily. All road users toot their horns incessantly. For truck drivers overtaking around blind corners at night with fog I can understand that, but people on motorbikes leaning on their horns around roundabouts when no one is in sight is another story. Then there is the super loud mobile phone ring tones - who knows where they get them from and how their speakers dont blow up, but they exist. These mobile phone speakers also double in frustration when passengers decide to use their phone as an mp3 player on sleeper buses at midnight. A tap on the leg from a grumpy, weary traveller is usually enough to get them to turn their volume down though!
To this extent, Chris and I have found our bells, which often prompt old ladies to jump out of our way in sheer panic when we bell them on the River Torrens linear park, to be totally useless. I have resorted to whistling when all other things fail, and Chris to "excuse me" in his British accent. Neither of these work.. I am unsure of the best method but will inform when I have found it. Their tendency for noise also extends nasally and orally, whether it be snoring heavily on sleeper buses or bringing that elusive piece of phlegm up, from what must be originally located well below the colon judjing from the noise required to bring it up, can be distracting. This habit is not limitd to men, and often the women, however petite, give some of the men a run for their money when comparing noise. So, when reading this and you think your boyfriend or girlfriend has a terrible habit, I guarantee you that worse exist. (If anyone knows of something more
distracting please post it) Infact, Chinese people can do this whilst they are asleep, and this habit extends as far as "clearing the cavities" when passengers are sleeping on the second storey of sleeper busses. It can be quite offputting seeing "moisture" falling steadily from above you whilst sleeping on your bed on the bus, knowing full well that there arent that many holes in the bus roof, and certainly none that would colour anything green/yellow!!
Various other Chinese quirks exist, most of which involve noise. Another includes squatting flies, with objects ranging from traditional fly squatters to more serious and sophisticated fly squatters like "tennis racquets" that contain electrically charged strings which shock and electrocute the fly upon impact with
the racquet. Given the number of "fly racquets" we have witnessed, and the number of fly deaths inflicted by these instruments, both Chris and I are surprised that there is not a Chinese tennis player in the top 100! Kids as young as 4 are schooled by their parents on the correct fly squatting technique. For those in the tennis know the "eastern forehand" grip appears to be the most common racquet grip. Very few western grips have been observed and certainly no double handed grips to report. Their desire to rid flies is not limited to indoor use, with us often witnessing the mass murder of innocent flies on the streets. Chinese police officers appear to be unconcerned with this, as they are with most things, other than making sure that their helmets are aligned perfectly when they observe traffic chaos from their elevated traffic viewing platforms, ensuring that all illegal gambling is performed under the watchful eyes of their jurisdiction (to ensure the safety of all card players), and performing high speed police car chases (see picture) .
Chinese people have also not learnt the art of "travelling light". Chris and i arrived early for our bus trip from Tengchong to Dali (1.5 hours early) to ensure that we could comfortably fit our bikes and trailers into the hold of the bus. Unfortunately we had not considered that the bus we were on was the "mushroom run", and that 400 kilograms of mushrooms were being transported to Dali. These mushrooms filled the entire compartment under the bus, half of the roof space and most of the space under the beds on the bus. Obviously mushrooms are a valued commodity in Dali and are not as good as the Tengchong variety. Why they were also transportting rice noodles is another question, and one I can't answer.
Well, this is the first installment of few that I will post. Because Chris does it so well there is really no need for me to do too much. However, when something comes to mind you can be sure that you will find it here.
Matt
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t.Riddy
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Relieved to see some sorely missed sweeping generalisations in there Matty! Glad to hear you guys are riding strong, though not sure about all these soft sleeper busses you mention. Good to see the red jersey is getting a good workout, though may need a wash before the ladies arrive...