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Published: September 18th 2008
What a Chinese Massage Disaster! Our $3 massage seemed like a fantastic treat, touted as "Chengdu Traditional Medicine University Professional Massage with over 10 Years Experience". We honestly assumed we'd discovered a small concession of heaven in China.
Pleasure greed was our first mistake. After an hour of awesome shiatsu massage, the therapist convinced us to push for an extra half. Obviously labeling us as easily led 'laowai suckers', he then strongly suggested a spot of acupuncture.
"Why not?", we asked ourselves. "We're in China, they're clearly professionals and we were coincidentally discussing alternative therapies just last month".
Next thing we know, a tinkling cart of glass cups is being wheeled around the massage tables. A "whoosh!" of fire ignition startles the bejesus out of our earholes, and suddenly our friendly therapist is burning the air from inside the glasses and suckerising them onto the innocent skin of our backs. Yoooowwwwweeeeee!
Pen snuck a look at Dave who was one step ahead. His spine was adorned with two rows of glass cups, resembling a futuristic dragon. His skin inside was puckering up a good inch into the cups and bruising a deep purple as capillaries ruptured and
bled.
Meanwhile, Pen's therapist is scraping the hell outta her back with some contraption she could only imagine in her minds-eye.
After 15 minutes, Dave's cups were slid off and he was poked with a bouquet of needles (thankfully extruded from sterile packs), and the ghastly fire "whoosh!" headed Pen's way.
3 hours later we emerged $40 poorer, (basically they'd done us for every single treatment in their repertoire .... a far cry from the 'cheap $3 massage' we'd intended), and even worse, covered from neck to ass in serious purpley-red welts. They are like giant hickies, and research tells us they'll be decorating our backs for a good few weeks yet.
Maaaan, if these haven't cleared by the time we hit Thailand's beaches, that little Chinese Medicine Man is gonna wish he hadn't played with fire.
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Sarge
non-member comment
You freaks!
sounds dodgey. what really happened you freaks!