The roof of my mouth is on fire

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So I thought that I knew spicy food. I had some pretty spicy foods which I mentioned in the last entry and who hasn't heard of the "atomic" type buffalo wings that every fat guy in new england prides himself on being able to tolerate. Dude, I knew nothing of spicy until last night....

I found some americans who were willing to go try some Sichuan "hot pot". Pretty much it's a big boiling kettle of chilli pepper marinade and assorted other spices that sits in the middle of your table and you throw in meat and veggies and let it cook before spooning it out to eat. Ummm, how can i put this...It was like having hell in my mouth. Everyone in the restaurant was sitting there watching to see if I was going to flinch, so I had to man up and take a heaping scoop of beef, cabbage and lamb and shoved it into my mouth. Mistake. It was so freaking hot that I almost started hallucinating. I mean, I haven't done drugs but I imagine that it's a pretty comparable high. The whole room seemed to get brighter, I had cold sweats and for a minute I lost hearing in my right ear. It was ridiculous, and the whole time I'm trying to keep it together because the entire crew of the restaurant, some 15 cooks, busboys and waitresses had surrounded the table to watch. I was a trooper though and I kept at it, though I couldn't figure out how to ask for milk in Chinese and "moo moo juice" didn't seem to make sense to them. So I had to keep on ordering these 20 ounce beers which I would finish after every 3 bites. Then I threw in these things which looked like seaweed strips, they weren't too tasty though...probably because it was sliced up intestine. Good experience though. And get this... there were only 3 of us, but there was by far enough food for 6 and on top of that we had 12 deucey-deuces of the local brew, so when the check comes and it's 77 yuan ($9.50) I almost freaked out more than when I first ate the spicy food. The ranges of prices is pretty sick, you could go to the pizza hut up the road and spend that much on a personal pan pizza and maybe a coke...but if you sack up and try the local restaurants you can't imagine how cheap it is. I don't know the custom here but I have been tipping just cause I feel bad that I'm making out like a bandit, but the staff would take no sort of gratuity. I figured I would at least a buck or something and they got insulted that I even proposed leaving a tip. Seriously though guys, we need to come to countries like this for vacation where you can sit in a restaurant all night with 10 other people and have dinner and tons of beer for probably 50 bucks total.

So word that the Japanese kid from America is in town has spread. I was sitting at a pub outside my hotel enjoying a frosty when the only other noticably non-chinese guys there pulled up their table and said "you must be the Japanese medical student, no?" Jeezus, am I wearing a badge or something or is it that obvious? These guys were from Nepal and Tibet and super friendly. So friendly to the point that if we were in the states I would have thought they were trying to pick up on me. After like 10 minutes they had already planned my visits to their hometowns. By 2 am it was a table full of us singing Tibetan folk songs (I can lip sync like no other). Then the one Chinese medical student there takes his turn and sings this really deep ballad (picture R. Kelly but in Chinese). Then at the end I told him "man, that was beautful dude. What does it mean?" Here is the reply...no joke

"it is a song a man has written for his girlfriend. They have been lovers for their whole lives and she has gone away. Then she died of leukemia"

ARE YOU SH***NG me? talk about a buzz kill. I wasn't sure whether I should order another round or go home and cry. Needless to say my follow up of "come on eileen" was a step up in the mood department. I was tempted to bust out old reliable "Sweet Caroline", though I just didn't have it in me. They do drink way too much here though. It's not uncommon to see someone run out of a restaurant to an alley so they can boot. Also I was talking to some of the medical students and they were saying that alcoholic hepatitis is pretty common...great, only 6 weeks and 5 more days to go before I can get back to AK and engage in only binge drinking. What do you expect though when a tall boy costs about half as much as a bottle of water. I have heard good things about the Chinese wines, and I lllllllove red wine so I'm hoping to try some of that soon.

DUDE, and the highlight of the evening...I can't believe I almost forgot. This american girl is sitting at a table and Bah-book from Nepal lays down some game and invites her to join the table. Things are cool, i guess she's some nursing student here for a week and he lays down the "i'll be a Doctor" line, good to know that line transcends borders and doesn't work here either. What happens next made me almost fall out of my seat, literally...

Bah-book: "you american girls, very beautiful"

nurse: "thank you very much, that's very nice"

Bah-book: " you know, I have had many chinese girls fall in love with me"

nurse: "really, that's great"

Bah-book: "you though, you have very nice face. You could be very very beautiful... IF you lose some weight. Not a lot, maybe 20 pounds"

Me: spitting beer all over my shoes

nurse (in a very understanding way): "In america, we don't say things like that. I think you mean well but you are saying something offensive. Are you saying I'm fat?"

Bah-book: "well...yes. That is what I am saying. You...you are fat"

DEAD SILENCE (maybe 5 seconds)--interrupted by my wailing laughter immediately followed by consolement to the nurse that it was a cultural thing..he really didn't mean it and I didn't mean to laugh that loud. Nurse walks off.

You go Bah-book, you go on with your bad self.

much love,
ak

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Comments

[anonymous]

Spicy food.
Class. I bet that student nurse was really angry. - Shanghai Ripper