China Part 1: Shanghai Thuggin

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China; land of the Great Wall, the Little Red Book, and a rapidly growing economy that could one day be the most dominate in the world. I must say I was slightly hesitant in planning a trip to this particular country. China for me always brought to mind uneasy feelings due to its tarnished history regarding human rights, environmental issues, and communism. On top of that, China does not have the most friendly of relationships with my own country, and who knows what they might do with an American such as myself if I accidently “stepped out of line.” However, I set such notions aside and went ahead with planning an adventure nonetheless. Though most of my preconcieved notions turned out to be true, I must admit that the trip was an epic adventure that I would not hesitate recommending to anyone else traveling in the region.

A Family Reunion

They don’t make it cheap for us Americans to travel to China. A visa for an American citizen costs a whopping $150 USD! I could not believe paying this amount of cash before departing. To accomplish this, you would expect that I had to visit the Chinese embassy in Seoul, like you do for EVERY OTHER visa process in the world. However, China decided to make this far more inconvenient and uncomfortable for me.

Instead of visiting the embassy, China makes you visit a state authorized travel agent to have them process your visa request. So, one afternoon my friend Marc and I traveled into Seoul to find such a place. Seoul isn’t exactly a small city and finding any one single room in the concrete jungle amongst the rabble rabble of Hangul writing is difficult to say the least. However, we were able to find our way to China town in the Myeongdong district to seek out our objective. We found our agency on a dirty street crowded with people and nestled snuggly between two abandoned buildings and on top of a Chinese food restaurant. Oh yea… just the place I want to leave my passport, ID card, and 180,000. So we entered the room and attempted to communicate our request to the kindly old Korean behind the desk. While looking confused, she appeared to understand what we were asking and was happy to take a wad of cash off some random foreigners. Marc and I left with feelings of great unease, yet we hoped our faith would get us the visa we needed.

Thankfully, the run down agency produced visas for us and within about a week, we got our passports back in one piece.

One thing I must admit regarding my travels over the past few years, I have missed my friends and family a great deal. Don’t get me wrong, some of the people I have met along the way have been amazing at filling this void for me, it’s just impossible to truly and fully replace home in a foreign land. One amazing thing that happened a few weeks before my departure for China was that my younger brother (age 21 so watch out ladies) Ryan came to visit me. Frankly, I can’t belive my parents let him come spend 3 plus weeks with his degenerate brother oversea’s, but I was truly grateful for his commitment to journeying on a 20 hour flight to come spend some time with me. While we did spend some time at a mudfestival on the beach, and perusing various clubs and bars in Seoul, those stories will have to wait (and possibly be told by word of mouth to avoid any further trouble).

So, one unnaturally hot and humid Saturday morning, my brother and I quickly packed up all our belongings into our bags and blasted off towards Shanghai; anxious for the adventure which awaited us there.

Ni Hao China!

We touched down softly at Pudong International Airport, and made our way through the massive building that took in millions of passengers a year. Getting through passport control was far easier than I had expected. All it took was a quick glance by the official, a few strokes of the keypad, and a harsh stamp on my visa. I let out a final sigh of relief that the sketchy travel agent in Seoul had in fact given me a real visa and not just a stamp off some Chinese cereal box.

Marc and Zach were waiting for us as we came out of the arrivals gate. We rustled all our luggage together and made way for the bullet train. Leave it to the Chinese to invent the world’s first magnetically powered bullet train in the world that still holds the record as the fastest commercial train in the world. The Maglev rockets at speeds reaching 431kph along the 30km journey into the city which only take 8 minutes. Now I have taken the KTX from Seoul to Busan (a bullet train that reaches 305kph) and I must say that the extra 100kph is unmistakable. I felt like I was in a rocket ship as I watched the countryside disintegrate into a concrete jungle before my eyes. Just as quick as we entered the train, we were off it and I began to have high hopes for the rest of my adventure.

The first thing I really noticed about China was… holy hell there are too many people here! I mean, you read about how many people are in this country, but to actually experience crowds like there are in Shanghai is unbelievable. It was only after my trip that I learned Shanghai is actually the most densely populated city on Earth. It is literally shoulder to shoulder almost everywhere you go, and the unbearable heat in the summertime makes it feel tortuous on all levels. The second we stepped out of the station and into the smoggy air, my shirt instantly became drenched in sweat… and this would be a common theme for the remainder of my trip. Luckily, living in Seoul has given me a leg up on knowing the finer art of a good stiff shoulder to the back of anybody who stands in my way. Another bonus is that being 6’3” tall, I can just kind of step over the mini-me’s of China.

With some straining finding our way through the maze of streets and illegible Mandarin signs, we located our hostel. Through my European adventures, I have stayed at a number of hostels over the past few years. The International Youth Hostel in Shanghai was one of the best kept and accommodating places that I have ever stayed. The staff was friendly, spoke English, and was more than happy to help us with our various problems. The food (especially breakfast) was delicious and cheap. The rooms were all clean and well air conditioned during the hot summer month of July, and did I mention the bar yet? Cocktails ran us about 24 yuan (about 3 bucks) and you could get a beer for about a dollar! From the second I walked in I remember thinking to myself, “now this is a place I can blackout in.”

We all snagged a beer and just relaxed planning our trip across China over the next few hours. This is where China took its first turn to the Dark Side.

I Was a Chinese Paratrooper

You remember that series on HBO “Band of Brothers”? All those brave men jumped out of the old airplanes and pulled their shoots with complete and utter fear, not knowing what was going to happen to them next. As they touched down on the ground, they were often confused; most paratroopers missed their marks by a few miles and found themselves lost without shelter or direction for where to go next. Without a plan, they trudged on bravely into the night to see what lie around the next corner.

I, my friends, was a paratrooper those few days I spent in China. It dawned on us in a matter of minutes once we reached the hostel that we really had no plan. In his infinite wisdom, my brother had booked us hostels in Shanghai and Beijing for a total of 5 nights, but we had no real clue on how we were going to get to Beijing. In Korea, I figured it would be easy, just hop onto a night train one night and we would wake up fresh in a new city the next morning. I don’t think I have been more wrong about anything in my entire life… except maybe in that 3rd grade spelling bee; but seriously, what 3rd grader knows that “ph” makes an “f” sound. I get “elephant” for my word while Ryan Matthews gets “pond.” It was crap I tell you… crap!

Moving on, after realizing we had no plan (which was actually somewhat liberating) we realized that our exit strategy was flawed terribly. Apparently you need to book trains between Shanghai and Beijing at least 4 days in advance. We were scheduled to leave the following afternoon. The staff assured us that this would be difficult but recommended we go to the station directly to find out for sure the following morning. Instead of panicking, we took off into the brutally hot night air and walked around our neighborhood for a bit.

Hunger set in quickly and we decided it was time for our first authentic Chinese meal. After stepping into the first place we saw with other foreigners (strength in numbers my brothers!) we sat down to look at the menu. I had always heard that Chinese food in America was far different than a proper Chinese meal in China, so I was excited about sampling this Eastern Cuisine. I opened the menu… let’s see what we have here: sweet and sour chicken, chicken teriyaki, sesame chicken orange chicken, egg foo yong… egg foo yong! This is the same crap we have at EVERY restaurant in America! I don’t mean to harp to badly on the food in China yet (cause I assure you there will be more to come) but it is not that much different than the food you get back home. I mean there are many things that you can’t get in America that they have in China, but for me, it was pretty much the same as an above average tucked away Chinese restaurant in New Hampshire. Obviously there are many who probably disagree, but you can write your own blogs because this was my experience!

One item that immediately jumped off the menu for all of us, especially Zach, was an item labeled (and I kid you not!) “Sensations in the Small Cock.” Really? Don’t they have at least one foreigner around this city who may have taken part in editing this menu? They were just asking for a group of semi-drunk, immature foreigners to laugh at this menu for a good 15 minutes. I could not believe my eyes, yet it looked oddly appetizing and sure enough, Zach ordered up a steaming plate of “Sensations in the Small Cock.” I have to add that the whole of the menu had equally disturbing and hysterical spelling errors that had me reading more intently than after the release of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

We moved on from our dinning experience and headed for the main drag. Our hostel was not far from the People’s Square in Shanghai, so we all decided to just hang out on the sky walks and take some pictures of the busy city streets. Even at 3am this city just refuses to shut down. The vibrant neon lights under the expressway bridges and the flashing street signs all around provided us a great chance to take some “Blade Runner” style pictures. Not long after that we headed back for the hostel for some much needed rest.

The following morning we awoke with but one goal for the day: find a way out of Shanghai. We all decided that leaving on that day was out of the question, so we charmed (and by charmed I think Zach may have actually made one of the staff members openly weep) our way into securing beds for another night and grabbed a cab to the train station.

Upon our arrival, we walked right up to information and asked for tickets to Beijing for the following day. “Waaank Wok Waank BaaaKoook!” was all we received in reply. That’s exactly what I think of Mandarin, its ugly as all hell. I have seriously never heard more auditory offensive tones and noises in my entire life. The language sounds like ducks battling for a piece of bread in a pond. Laugh if you want but ask a local Chinese food vendor to speak a little for you and inform me if you didn’t have blood coming out of your ears afterwards. I’ll give you 10 bucks if you don’t (lie). The few rods I did learn included “Ni Hao” (hello), “Shay Shay” (sorry), and my personal favorite “Wo Ting Bu Dong” (I don’t understand). Those were and will always be the only mandarin phrases I will attempt to learn. I also apologize for offending the single largest country in the world… but you all should really learn English.

We soon realized that a train was not going to be possible for at least another week. Mission: fail. The next bright idea was to try and find the bus station and bus it out of Shanghai. Here’s where I almost went insane for the first time in my life.

To begin the nightmare, we walked back and forth through a half mile walkway about 4 times. The underground was hot, humid, and jam packed full of people. As we continuously realized we were going the wrong direction and kept spinning around changing our path, the group moral took a turn for the worse.

Finally, we located the bus station, or at least the exit to the underground that lead to the bus station. Once above ground again, it appeared that the bus station had vanished. Nothing was going right for us. We walked around in circles in the blistering heat and smoggy air until finally locating a picture of a bus pointing us in the direction of what we hoped to be the station. Eureka! We found our main objective and entered into the bus station to figure out our next plan of attack.

The main problem in the bus station was a problem that was part of every adventure in China; there was no English to be seen. What looked to be the departure and arrivals board looked more like a game of “Space Invaders” from the old Atari game system (in my opinion it looked like whoever was at the controls was loosing, but you never know with Space Invaders). We were more lost than ever and had no idea what to do. Zach eventually approached the desk to attempt a ticket purchase, but the ticket vendor just quacked back and shooed him away. That’s another gripe I have about the Chinese, they really seemed unhelpful, rude, and grumpy when it came to dealing with white people. It was not cool, especially in the tired, annoyed state that we were in.

After pacing through the hall, we finally decided it was time to give up hope and head home. On the way back towards the cab stand, we ran across a stand of volunteers for the World Expo. This year in Shanghai, they are hosting the World Expo. It is pretty much the modern day version of The World’s Fair and is expected to have approximately 70 million visitors this year. Since the Expo was in town, various stalls and information stands were set up all over the city to help translate and provide information to foreign visitors. We asked for some help and one of the young women was more than happy to tell us what to do. After we just stared back at her confused because her directions led us back in the same direction we just were, she escorted us to the station and promised to help us out.

She took us to the ticket booth and started quacking away at the teller. After about 5 minutes, she said that the best she could do was get us a bus the next day, but no beds were available so we would have to sit in a hard seat. “No biggie,” I thought; I mean I have taken a 9 hour train to Paris before so how bad could it be. She then dropped the bomb that we would be in the bus for 16 hours. Abort, Abort! None of us liked that idea one bit; imagine sitting on Chinese bus without AC and crammed in for an entire day! Then, I thought about the size of most Chinese people and imagined how small the seats must be. Most likely, I would be forced to break my legs in order to adequately fit in anyone of the seat. 16 hours was a deal breaker… but it was too late. She showed us our tickets out of Shanghai, gave us the tickets, and started to leave.

We snagged her quickly and explained the situation…. This was not going to happen. Around this time our helping hand started to show some signs of irritation as she angrily snatched our tickets and told us to follow her. She brought us to the ticket refund counter, gave us our money back, and left in a huff. Bridge burned! We came to the immediate realization that the only way to Beijing would be by air. As much as it hurts to suck up an unexpected airline ticket… we all hit up a PC room and got ourselves transportation to our next city. After all the hassle, we found a way out from behind enemy lines and back on somewhat of a structured travel plan.

We all headed back to the hostel and went straight to the bar. After a few stiff drinks and some drinking games, it was off to bed.

Baiju… It’s what’s for Dinner

The next day we awoke and plead with our hostel managers to let us stay an extra day. They were able to find rooms for us (God bless em’) and we were ever grateful. After securing our room for the night, it was time to go see some sights in Shanghai. A girl in our hostel who had been studying in Beijing asked to come with us on our adventure and so we took on a 5th cast member.

Our first stop was the Shanghai World Financial Center. This massive skyscraper dominates the Shanghai skyline and we were ready to climb up and see the view from the top. We took a ferry across the river and walked towards this massive tower. On the way, we passed the construction site for the new Shanghai Tower. The plans for this building portray a massive 631 meter (121 stories) spiral building towering over the other skyscrapers below. Once completed, it is set to be the second tallest building in the world. It truly looks like a work of art and will make the already magnificent Shanghai skyline even more impressive.

Once we arrived at the Financial Center, we were a bit bummed out to see that there was a long line of other eager tourists. Rather than walking away, we decided to suck up the hot weather and wait out a chance of a lifetime. In retrospect, this decision was more than worth it. After waiting about an hour among the pushy Chinese around us, we hopped into the elevator and shot up 94 floors to the first part of our tour.

Exited the elevator, I saw many things I didn’t expect to see, a sprawling show room, a restaurant, a bar, a sports car in the center (now how the hell did they get that up 94 floors.. really!), and a gift shop full of customers. More than ever though, the best thing I saw was the view. From this floor you could see all of Shanghai. There were really no walls, but windows providing picturesque views for 360 degrees. Directly across from the window on the far side was the Oriental Pearl TV Tower, a beautifully constructed “Eifel Tower style” structure with a bronze orb at the top. It was the best view I had seen in a while.

So what do you do 1,388 feet up in the air while admiring the sites? “I’ll have a martini bartender.” The 4 of us (I forgot to mention that Julie decided to wait downstairs) sat down at the best table in the bar overlooking the skyline below and ordered up a few apps and drinks. I would love to tell you that it was the best drink that I ever had. I would love to say that the martini made me feel like I was in a James Bond movie and as if I were the richest man in the world. The truth of the matter is: I felt like a hobo in an Ice Cube movie. It was by far the worst martini I have ever had in my entire life. While I hold it was all vermouth, there is a slight chance that they may have added some Dubra vodka to the mixture. For those who are unfamiliar with UCONN’s favorite brand of liquor, Dubra is the sort of vodka that melts through its own plastic bottle if it isn’t removed within 48 hours. It’s the kind of alcohol that makes you wake up feeling like you might have been beaten by a street gang and then dragged around the walls of Troy by Achilles himself. It’s the kind of liquor that even Chuck Norris refuses to tango with. This is the sort of beverage that I was dealing with at the bar… and now you know.

The next stop was the 97th floor. We took an escalator up the few flights and walked through a narrow corridor snapping off some more pictures of the beautiful city. Now we did not know this at the time; but at this point we had lost Zach. He lost his ticket and was unable to follow us. It would take us until the 100th floor to realize we had lost our young comrade in battle.

We took the stairs to the 100th floor for the best part of the excursion. The Shanghai World Financial Center boasts the world’s highest observation deck at 474 meters. It even surpasses the Burj Kalipha in this respect and it is the third tallest building in the world. Looking down on the city below, there was no doubt in my mind that this was true. From the observation deck, we took stunning pictures of the river and skyline below us. From up there, we could see the entirety of Shanghai and it was one of the coolest things I have ever seen. During our time on the deck, a slight issue came to light as the staff repeatedly prodded us to give them Zach’s ticket so he could follow. Since we didn’t have it, it took about 30 minutes for him to convince them that he was not a crook and allow him to join us. As mad as he was at the situation, it was kind of funny… sorry Zach.

We were all feeling good after leaving the tower and felt accomplished with our sightseeing for the day. I was astonished to find that Julie had actually waited 2 hours for us as she greeted us at ground level. I don’t think I have ever waited more than 20 minutes for a person before in my life (besides that one time I was stood up in Jukjeon and waited 30 minutes for my date… saddest moment of my life to date)!

Julie offered to show us a good spot for dinner, so we hopped into a cab and headed for a new part of Shanghai. The restaurant we went to was only about 20 minutes from the People’s Square. It seemed a bit sketchy at first, but it ended up being one of the best meals that I had in all of China. We had spicy duck soup, delicious steamed green beans (and I’m not one for vegetables usually), some awesome appetizers and fried caramelized bananas. To top it all off, I took my first shot of Chinese liquor there. Baiju looked incredibly similar to the Korean Soju (nectar of the God’s… my translation) at first site; at first taste… I thought it was more like a 1936 Diesel. I’m not lying; the aftertaste was basically pure gasoline. It burned in my mouth, it burned down my throat, and it made my stomach feel as though I may have immediately contracted some horrible Southeast Asian ringworm. So after another few shots (how could I resist), we headed out of the restaurant to see the Bund.

The Bund is a famous section along the Huangpu River directly across from the Pundong Financial district (where the Financial Center is… obviously) that boasts picturesque architecture along the entire street. Most of the buildings are inspired by European architecture, especially that of England. I was immediately transported back to London while walking up and down the street. Since the Bund and Financial district are across from one another, the area along this part of the river bank makes for particularly awe-inspiring pictures, which we took many of. This was one of the best parts of my trip, hanging out with friends and breathing in the somewhat fresh air along the river. It truly is a beautiful thing to see at night and I think it is my favorite out of all the cities I have ever been to.

While on the Bund, I carried a bottle of Baiju close by my side. Okay, okay, I know I said it tasted awful and was most likely rotting a hole the size of a golf ball in my stomach; but 40% alcohol by volume for about $2 USD… how could I not buy a bottle. I felt like I would be loosing money by not drinking. The problem was, I was scared of the commy’s! Chine is known for their harsh treatment of non-conformists and lawbreakers; I wasn’t about to go down for a bottle of booze (which no doubt will be my downfall regardless). I convinced myself that there were listening posts and cameras everywhere watching me. Paranoia set in full when I refused to open the bottle and threw it into the garbage. I can say with almost complete certainty that it was the first full bottle of booze I have ever thrown out; scouts honor. In the end, I guess it is safe to say that the commy’s got me… I lost big time to their psychological warfare.

One thing that really got me though was the boats. It was dark out, there were no towers casting light on the waters, and yet the river boats and barges refused to turn on their lights! It was unbelievable! How hard is it to go up to the bridge and flip a switch! It’s not like Shanghai is trying to save on electricity… they have a 100 story building and a 3 mile long street lit up brighter than the Vegas strip for crying out loud! Maybe it was the Baiju talking, or maybe it just comes from a secret pet peeve of mine when it comes to nautical safety, but I yelled at every boat I could and griped about those lights until it was time to leave. In my opinion, it was both dangerous and uncalled for… and I didn’t like it one bit.

We made our way back to the Bund and headed for the hostel. There we played some card games at the bar and enjoyed the happy hour special: 2 for 1 drinks at $3 USD a drink. Come on International Youth Hostel! My livers not getting any younger here; why don’t you just stick an IV filled with rubbing alcohol into my arm and get it over with! I kid, the deal was awesome and we had a blast enjoying a few cocktails while playing an old favorite: King’s Cup.

The next stop was a pirate bar about 20 minutes from our hostel. Julie assured us it was going to be a great time and in our drunken stupor, we obliged her by following. Once at the bar, my brother realized he had misplaced his wallet and so we headed back to find it. We never did end up finding the bar again but heard stories of the rest of the night. Tales of rum as far as the eye can see, myths of a drunken Zach giving the bartender business advice through slurred words before falling out of his chair, and rumors of a night to remember (though no one ever will). Regardless of the outcome, it was a great night to cap off the perfect day.

Gotta Fly, Shanghai

Our final day was upon us as we awoke with our varying degrees of hangovers and packed up all of our belongings. I checked out and threw my baggage into storage before making my way to the bar for an American breakfast. We all reconvened and flushed out are hangovers before traveling to the last attraction we wanted to see in Shanghai: the traditional market.

It was only about a mile walk from our hostel, so we trucked it through the thick air and beating sun until we reached the old market. Of all the markets I have seen from Amsterdam to Bangkok, the Shanghai market may be my new favorite. There was no way to see the whole thing in one day, so we just meandered through a few of the narrow alleys and wide streets looking for souvenirs and Chinese history. I bought one of Mao Zedong’s “Little Red Books” (Quotations from the Chairman Mao Zedong) that were handed out to every Chinese citizen during the Cultural Revolution. I also snagged a commy deck of cards, t-shirt, and backpack. I have to say I do have an eye for Communist memorabilia and love to collect as much as I can. We grabbed a final meal of not-so-great fried rice and strange dumplings that you put a straw in and drink before making our way back towards the hostel.

On the way out, we walked through a beautiful ancient botanical garden (that sounds a little gay) and took some pictures amongst the statues and flowers. The whole time we were there, it was packed full of people, as it always is in China; shoulder to shoulder. The best thing to do is just push slowly and hope you don’t get trampled in a stampede.

Right before leaving, a tune caught my ear. What sounded like a brass saxophone was being played in the center of the square. When I moved closer to check out some Shanghai Jazz, I discovered it was not a brass saxophone at all, but a bamboo saxophone! In all my life I never thought I would see such a thing. I was immediately intrigued and new I had to have it. The guy selling them was hysterical as he played a few licks for me and kept insisting “Oh, verrry easy! Verrry easy!”

“Very easy,” I said, “well then why the hell not!” I ended up spending about 20 bucks on the bamboo sax which came with some extra reeds and an instruction manual. I was stoked! Every boy deep down in his heart, from children to the elderly, yearn to one day reach into their backpack and play the sweet sounds of the bamboo saxophone. On this day my friends… I achieved the dream. I put the two pieces together, channeled some Coltrane deep within my soul, and gave a heartfelt blow into the plastic reed. Where there should have been a jazzy tune in the key of A that would make a grown man cry due to the rhythmic, melodic, sweet tunes; the sound of a seagull being killed by swallowing an Alka-Seltzer replaced it. As I tried and tried again to muster up a song, I quickly realized that “very easy” was no way to describe the talent necessary to play this instrument. I’ll keep you all posted on my progress and let you know my tour dates once the jams start flowing. Regardless, it was one of my greatest purchases EVER.

Before we knew it, we were back at the hostel collecting our bags and saying goodbye to the staff. We hopped in a cab and directed him to the airport where we would take off for our next destination in the land of the Dragon: Beijing and the Great Wall.

Shanghai for me was a success. The architecture and surprisingly clean feel to the city was a good way to enter China and start getting a feel for this ancient country’s rich culture. Despite the inefficiency of the transportation system within China’s borders and the difficulties presented regarding communication, I felt it was a worthwhile trip and would absolutely recommend anyone in the region to travel there and see its beauty. One thing is for sure though, beware of the boats if you travel the Huangpu by night; they fail to adhere to nautical safety and threaten to capsize even the most experienced of sailors. Arr.

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