Advertisement
Traditional Chinese Cupping
Said to cure illnesses, this ancient technique is likely a bunch of hocus pocus and any improvement in my health in the coming days I will absolutely not attribute to my recent misadventure at the Massage Parlor.
This is what I looked like as I walked out of there... like Miss #27 beat me with a strange torture instrument. And yes, those are bruises. I've spend the past 24 hours thinking up jokes for this one. Unfortunately, since I'm only funny if it is scripted (by someone like Tina Fey), I will not be sharing any of them with this audience.
So. Story.
I've been feeling a bit stressed this week. As such, I spent three hours on Monday night researching the best massage place that I could afford. I had my heart set on getting an ASPARA Spa full body massage for 280 yuan ($40-ish)... pricey for China, but I anticipated it being totally worth it. I do, afterall, have a strong preference for the oil massages over the blind massages (blind man massages you for $7 / 60 mins). While walking to ASPARA, I passed by Congen Massage Healthcare Club. Out of curiosity, I stopped by to look at their offerings, including the typical Aroma Oil Massage, the Thai Massage (see why they laughed at me when I asked if this massage uses oil:
Thai Massage ), and... an Ear Massage (ew)). After inspecting the place, I was pleased to see that it was both clean and offered soothing background music (for no extra charge!). For a mere 160 yuan / 90 minutes,
"Black!"
That's what she said.
Apparently an indicator that I have a bad cold (really, it's just a little sniffle), my especially dark spots after undergoing cupping are a little tender.
Imagine what it looks like under the shirt. 10 neatly lined up down my back in pairs, one on each arm, one big one flanking each side, one on my neck, and one on each shoulder, all totalling to 17 pieces of geometric, mostly symmetric, body art.
If super curious, ask me for a full back shot. It's fascinating. my masseuse ("Hi, next time you come, ask for me. I'm number 27") began massaging my troubles away. Unusually talkative, she quickly learned where I was from, what I was doing in Shanghai, etc. All the basics. But, just as quickly... she noticed that I am suffering from a cold. She expressed concern that I hadn't yet told my parents. (Mom, dad... I have a cold. But don't worry. You don't have to fly to China to care for me, as she suggested you do.) Then she offered a suggestion. From my point of view, this is what I heard: "Blahblah cold blah blah serious blah need blah blah I can help blah OK?" Unfortunately, when Chinese people (restaurants, bars, school, cabs... anything) say something over my head, I have a tendency to answer in the affirmative. So... she says "keyi?" I respond "keyi." and hope for the best.
She returns with a briefcase, and I lay my head back down. Then the pain begins... small at first, but heightening. I find that she is suctioning, rather... aggressively..., something onto my back. To be specific, 17 hot cups. The thoughts running through my head during this process: a) Well,
Yu Garden Bazaar
A night shot of the area around the gardens. It smells like stinky tofu. Go figure (though I argue that there should be a warning somewhere in my Lonely Planet about the odor... lest some foreigner thing that there's an overflowing bathroom nearby). it's unlikely to lead to permanent damage, b) ow, c) Woah, I can't move my arms, d) I wish I had my personal photographer Jon in here with me taking pictures of this. Once finished attaching these glass leeches to my body, she asks whether any hurt. I suggest that one of the ones attached to my arm hurts "a little bit," to which she responds that I ought to tough it out because I have a really bad sickness. After a 20-30 minute leg massage, she removes the towel from my back to view my pretty parasites... only to gasp in surprise (Me: "uh oh..."). All I can hear is her muttering about how sick I am and how black my back is. I laugh incredulously. "Black? Really? Not red?" Apparently, the blacker the spots, the sicker the patient (sceptical, I am).
I didn't realize she was serious. But yes, I do appear to have black spots on my back. Many of them (insert 101 Dalmations / Cruella DeVille reference here). Let's just say I immediately regretted wearing an open-backed shirt that day.
Abusive massage experiences aside, life is fantastic. This weekend I went to Jing'An Temple
Traditional+Modern
In the foreground, you see the roof of HuXinTing, a famous teahouse in the Yu Garden Bazaar. In the background, you see the Oriental Pearl TV Tower. to watch Buddhist monks pray (definitely worth the 10 yuan entrance fee), Yu Gardens to feed koi (gorgeous Chinese garden that is even peaceful on weekends), the Blarney Stone to drink cider and play pool (there's a pub by that name everywhere!), the Bund Brewery to all-I-can-drink in-house-made beer and cocktails for 100 yuan, and even successfully found a KTV (karaoke) place (though not all my party made it out, thanks to several rounds of Kings played at the brewery). As I left at 4:30 am (yes, it was light out), there were actually people just coming in to sing their hearts out. The Chinese take their KTV seriously.
As for school, I've been put in individual lessons. Unfortunately, my speaking abilities have outpaced my school's ability to supply books that still have pinyin... so all my new assignments are pure characters (I've been learning characters for only 3 weeks). Needless to say, Chinese has reached a whole new level of difficultly (even in pinyin these texts would be tough for me), but I expect to be at least at a kindergartener's reading level when I leave this country!!
Advertisement
Tot: 0.126s; Tpl: 0.012s; cc: 9; qc: 49; dbt: 0.0511s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1;
; mem: 1.1mb
Sonya
non-member comment
!!
OMG...i was cracking up when i read this!! You are funny!! I don't get it - were they actually leeches or just glasses? Miss you!!!