Judged or Humbled?

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Last night I met up with M, whom my old coworker re-introduced to me. M also left work/job to come to Shanghai to learn Mandarin and travel. His Chinese is so good! Anyway, he took me to a restaurant in Jing An - Shanghainese food. It was quite nice and truly a pleasure hanging out with him! He then introduced me to some of his friends at a wine bar.

Everyone I've met seems so nice and so happy/excited to be abroad. They have all been so helpful, warm and polite. I actually don't feel lonely! Tomorrow I'm going to meet up M, my dad's friend's son. I met him a few times when we were quite young... but now I have no idea what he looks like, accept for a picture I saw of him. Haha... I find this all quite odd and somewhat awkward for my taste, yet still fun/exciting to meet new people and hear about their experiences. Generally, I find the expats here are open minded and have a positive attitude. I think that's the only way to survive here, or else everything will just upset you until no end.

I got up early this morning so I could leave my apartment before the ayi (translates to 'aunt' but means 'housekeeper') came over at 9:00 AM. I gave her my key so she can come when I'm not here. I was weary at first, but she cleans, does laundry and sometimes cooks for the landlord's and neighbor's apartments, so I think she's reputable.

Anyway, she saw that I had bought a some rugs, sheets, towels, etc. and she asked 1) where I bought it and 2) how much I paid for each item. THEN she asked how much my rent was. Here in China, I find that it's very common to ask people stuff like - how old you are, how much your rent is, how much your stuff costs... etc. I still find it a bit tacky, and don't quite understand what the purpose is. Anyway, I told her how much I paid and she seemed to agree with the price. I can't tell if she was judging/making generalizations me or just plain curious. I didn't want her to think that I have money to spend or waste, nor did I want to her to feel like a "have not". Then she saw me slathering on sunblock, and she commented that only educated people use that type of stuff. I replied that sunscreen is cheap in the States. Not sure what her comments mean, but I think I'm going to make sure next time we only have a 5 minute run in so I can avoid these peculiar conversations.

I kind of think I'm slightly overpaying her... yes, it's only 50 rmb a week, but I think that it should be about 35 rmb a week. I don't really feel like negotiating $2 USD with her. She works hard, does a good job, hand washes all my clohtes even, and just appears honest... but at the same time, I don't want her to think I'm some rich foreigner girl that doesn't care about being ripped off. I want her to know that I KNOW that I'm overpaying her. Anyway, don't know what the balance is between "overpaying" vs. paying extra because the money goes a lot further for "them". I don't hesitate about spending 30 rmb on a coffee... I should maybe be more careful about the way I spend money and learn a more humble lifestyle from people like the ayi.

That brings me to the topic of haggling. It is the most annoying thing to me ever. Nothing in smaller stores has a price tag and you have to ask how much. Then the sales person judges you (aka if you look local or rich) and gives you a price. Then you have to say that it's too much and cut it by 50-60% (yes, it sounds absolutely ridiculous). Typically they budge about 20% off and sells you with how great the product is, etc. Then you budge 10% up and then somewhere in the middle you strike a deal. I hate it. I always feel like I'm getting ripped off because 1) I'm not aggressive enough 2) I think it's tacky to haggle 3) I don't want to waste my time and 4) I'm not good at walking away! Hence, I go to Ikea where there are set prices... everyone pays the same. It's more fair. Anyway, I think I'll improve my bargaining skills, but it's so annoying. I complained to a salesperson about how this is a waste of time and she said "there are so many people in China and there are plenty of sales persons... we have plenty of time." I have to admit, the customer service is great - you are helped the second you set foot in a 20 feet radius. I can't vouch for the level of politeness if you choose not to buy though. What happend to the whole mian zi thing? Seems pretty embarassing to have to haggle.

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Comments

[lks]

judged
very interesting topic -- everyone's judged. perhaps because you're in a foreign city you feel more judged......

[Jen]

LOL
about sunscreen since I was just asking you about it!! You'd think they would want to remain as pale as possible by using sunscreen. The exchange rate is 8, right? So this woman cleans your apartment and does all of your laundry for $6USD? How much time does she spend there?

[SF Girl]

Exchange rate
Unfortunately for me, the exchange rate is more like 7.5 or 7.6 for me. I get charged a 2.5% fee on every ATM transaction. But yeah, ayi supposedly is doing 3-4 hours of work - sweeping, mopping, hand wiping the stairs, doing my laundry, etc. I say supposedly b/c I don't feel like monitoring her, and rather just take her word. Funny - all my clothes were hanging on the balcony clothes line when I got back yesterday. Good thing my balacony isn't facing the street!

[twf]

haggling
yeah, i hate haggling too. you actually have to be really thick-skinned to haggle (hence, i suck at it too). you are probably getting ripped off left and right, but that is how it goes. true american "peasants" don't go "hang out" in a foreign country!

[twf]

doesn't the "ayi" remind you a tad of how my mom is? how my aunts are? and you don't even know this woman!! don't keep money around.....or anything of value!

[SF Girl]

Well, the difference is at worst, my mom will ask "how much." And the response might be of "you should save money." I don't know what ayi is thinking... that's why I say she's judging me. :) I more or less trust her.... she cleans for 5 houses in my building. I don't have any cash anyway.