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Published: March 31st 2006
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In the Cave
Scary Cave!!!!! We landed in Guilin all nice and refreshed, so as usual it was time to play the tout lottery. This is much the same as the bus lottery only you pick a tout who "find you nice good room" and see what happens.
We couldn't be arsed playin that morning so we decided to get out the lonely planet bible (which is much like the real bible in that its a miracle if it does you any good) and to play the taxi lottery instead. We went to the town centre and amazingly couldn't find anywhere. Then one of the touts who jumped in a taxi to follow us said he could sort us a room, DFR.
Quick shit, shower and shave and we were out again, hood tried to get some money out of an Atm and it swallowed his card. Twice. Had a walk round the town and met some weirdo on a bike who started to walk along side us. We'd got a bit used to people coming up to us cos five white guys, really really white irish guys, are a bit of a novelty in china, and the people like to find out about
In the Cave Again
Scary SCary Cave!!!!! (Anyone see the penis rock??) where you're from, what you eat, how much does a car cost, do you sleep upside down, etc.
Got a bit annoying though when he just wouldn't leave. Fair enough the leech did take us into some place and ordered a nice noodle breakfast for us.
He headed off when we got to the park and ya had to pay in, but as soon as we were in hood, niall and raff picked up another one. this guy was a lecturer who; 1. wanted to practice his english, 2. wanted to tell us all about the history of the grounds and sights. 3. show us some of his students artwork in the gallery and 4. sell us some of his students artwork in the galley.
When he asked us about buying one we just used the old "but i am poor student too" Not "I'm a loaded pharmacist but not interested in finger painting"
Finally got rid of him, climbed a tower, legs began to hurt (emei shan) Came back down and had a whole water melon between us and a seed spitting fight. Then we went to a cave. This was great, we had a wee chinese
Breast rock
Niall And Raff coping a feel woman (they're wee in guilin too) that spoke little english guiding us round showing us all the sights of the cave.
"Look" she'd say "A Lion". and if ya squinted or were cockeyed it did look just a bit like a lion, then, "look, an ear of corn" hmmm, Ok. Then it began to get more obscure "a waterbuffalo with a toothbrush", "an elephant looking over its shoulder at a giraffe chasing a polar bear", "A Playstation 2"!!
Perhaps the worst thing she did was mislead me and raff and cost us 100baht in a bet with niall and hood in thailand. See in a cave there are staligmites and staligtites. one goes up, and one goes down. You know which is which? well, me and raff belived the wee woman, Tites go up, and mites go down. Being good catholic irish boys wee remembered it by - "women wear tights which they pull up, (tites-up) and sometimes, they might come down (mites-down) - (prob when going to bed or something innocent like that)"
We should have known she was talking shite when niall asked "what do ya call it when staligtites and staligmites join to form
Drunk?
Raff tells a story a column?", she looked around surprised, as if that was the 1st question she was asked apart from "i think it looks more like a sega megadrive", but she mused an answer - "a Stone column" she said. Brilliant.
So that was that, the night passed quiet enough except for everyman getting wrote off, especially hood and seamy who were playing drinking games with a dice and some chinese guys and dancing on podiums and me and seamy buying a half bottle of whiskey in the club and everyone going mad. Hood ended up asleep out in the lobby and couldn't be moved, Niall who had the key was asleep in the room had locked the door and couldn't be moved.
When i did get in i didn't trust the place or the tout who got us there so i started hiding everything, my phone, wallet, credit cards and camera. I spent the next morning searchin for stuff. i found credit cards and cash in a slipper, wallet behind the wardrobe, phone under the bed. the only thing i couldn't find was my camera, and i think it was nicked cos i didn't hide it well enough.
Apart from that everything was quiet enough, so the next day, with a mcdonalds feast to quell the hangover we travelled the short journey to yangshuo - The Backpackers Haven!!!!
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