Xiamen, skin nibbling fish and wooden penises.

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We arrive into Xiamen at about 10 at night. A man on the bus recognises Emily from Scott's bar (she has been working behind it for some of the summer) so we ask if he can recommend any hotes and he calls around for us and finds us a place where we can share rooms for around 100 yuan a night.

We get a cab with him which takes us to the university district. We hang around outside and the man calls the hotel on his phone.

We stand on a street corner and debate whether or not to buy some fruit. Eventually a surly looking women with a child on her shoulders comes to find us and lead us back to the “hotel.”

The entrance is down a dirty alley way (there isn't another kind in China) and the reception reminds me of the run down ward of a children's hospital or orphange. Her just pubescent son is standing behind reception in nothing but his y fronts, a sadly deflated helium balloon nudges the ceiling and broken flower stencils in misspelt English decorate the wall. There are broken toys and bits of plastic lying around. There then ensues the most painful and protracted negotiations ever on behalf of the man that has kindly helped us and the woman with a face etched in granite.

We are all shattered – particuarly as James and I started our morning with a 23k run! After about 30 minute of incomprehensible bickering -the man turns towards us and with a deeply humble and apologetic air says:

“she wants to charge an extra 10 yuan for air conditioning in the rooms – i'm so sorry its not acceptable but do you mind”

As 10y is about a quid -we all readily agree – is this what he's been arguing over on our behalf all this time???

But the woman knows she's onto a good thing and all the other extras start creeping in – another 30y because its the weekend etc etc – we go to leave – but its going to be difficult to find somewhere else to stay as its now after 11 at night and she knows it.

Her son stands in the doorway with a key in his pants:

“...and I don't think much of your bellboy either...” says James.

The communal areas of the hotel look like they have yet to be finished – covered in heaps of cement, brick dust and paint but the rooms are actually fairly decent so we get a fairly good nights sleep.

In the morning Emily and I set off to the port to find a ferry to take us to Chinmen - a small island off Taiwan so that we can leave the country and come back in again.

Its only an hour boat ride but because I had to pack my bag at 4.30am before the run i've forgotten to pack any motion sickness tablets. I warn Emily – that if its rocky I may vom.

We somehow find our way to the international ferry area which is a litte away from the main harbour. In the waiting area they have some stands selling fast food so I get an ice cream coffee which is delicious – and eat what I think is a cheese and lettuce sandwhich but is actually egg and lettuce – its incredibly hard to get cheese in this country.

We get on the boat and sit near the middle at the back which is the best place to be. Then the journey from hell begins. The waves are huge right from the very beginning – the boat begins to roll from side to side and then veers up on the crest of an enormous waves and comes crashing down again– people scream. Children start crying. It veers up again and comes down even harder – more people scream - I squeeze my eyes shut. Emily later tells me the waves are so high they are coming halfway up the windows - i'm glad I don't see. Not only am I sea sick but I am fearful of very deep water, waves generally. I go hot, I go clammy. I tie my hair back and get out a sick bag. Oh here we go again. About an hour in and I start to throw up. The sound and indeed smell of my wretching has a domino effect on the people arround me, I feel sorry for the man next to my right as just after I start to heave it encourages the women to his left to start chucking up and then someone in front of us. Emily puts a sympathetic hand on my shoulder and looks away.

The sick bag now contains my egg and lettuce sandwich and all of the coffee ice cream. There is no where to throw it so I have to hold its hot little contents against my leg for the remainder of the journey – but as is always the way – I feel much better now its out.

The worst thing is - I know that as soon as we arrive at Chinmen we have to turn around and get straight on the next boat back again. I genuinely can't think of anythig i'd like to do less right now.

We discover that a typhoon has been threatening to hit which may explain some of the big waves. The next few boats back are cancelled as a result and when we do finally make it on baord its a completley different journey – a tranquil 30 minute drift across the sea instead of 1 hour 30 min. I'm not complaining.

We meet up with James and Luke and go for some greasy chinese food and talk about our day.

"Dominique decided to have a vomit party and everyone was invited"–explains Emily.

There are lots of little touristy shops along the main stretch of the old town. We wander into a tea shop and sit at the counter with a man who expertly strains some green tea leaves and pours the delicate fragrant liquid into little ceramic cups for us to try. Its a very pale clear green with a light and floral scent that smells delicious. He has some wooden carved objet d'arts in the window - and one - a 10 inch wooden penis – catches James eye...well he is only 18.

After having photos taken with it the shopkeeper explains he wants 25 quid for it.

"Shall I see if I can get him down?" Says James. Who then barters him down to twenty quid. He is delighted with his purchase – i'm going to give it to my dad he says . I'm sure his father will be delighted. But not as much as the shopkeeper who proably can't believe his luck.



My body doesn't know what's happened to it. Its gone from a 23k run in 40 degree heat to sitting sedentary on what turns out to be an 8 hour bus ride followed by a vomiting session on the boat ride from hell.

Its time to reward it with a bit of R&R.

Emily leaves to head back to the school and James, Luke and I decide to go to a five star Hot Springs resort just outside of Xiamen.

I pick up breakfast at a Chinese bakery en route. They have good cheap food in their bakeries – and a penchant for the little Portugese custard tarts which is a delight! I'm also a fan of Chinese moon cakes which they make to celebrate the new year and have a marbly soft centre, ornately decorated top and sweetened dried egg yolk in the middle to celebrate the birth of the New Year.

The Hot Springs are a welcome relief after the last few days. Its a spa resort with lots of different pools filled with the therapeutic properties of the thermal water.

As its a five star resort you get a bathrobe and flip flops and towels to wander around in. Its a pleasant 30 degrees outside and it stays open until 10 o clock at night. We get the 1 o clock bus and I buy a Thai massage as part of the entrance fee. One of the first pools I arrive at is filled with little Turkish Raffa fish -the ones that have become popular back in London for pedicures – they eat the dead skin off your feet. Here you can immerse your entire body in the water and have the little fish come and nibble at the dead skin cells all over you. At first when the swarm around me its looks a little bitl like its giong to be a piranah attack – all frenzied splashing, wiggly tales and glittering eyes. Even when i'm joined in the pool by lots of other women I can't help noticing that whilst they may have a few fish here or there delicately nibbling on one of their extremities - the fish seem to have decided i'm a special case and the majority of the pool has made a bee line for my legs. You can hardly see the skin for the wrigglig little tails sticking out like darts.

I can't blame them I suppose. My legs have seen a lot in the last few weeks, they are covered in bruises, grazes, scabs and a hellava lot of dead skin i'd imagine. I cover my little stairs wound to stop them nibbling my scab. Nice. Then decide to try some other pools .

The rest of the gardens are set amongst palm tree and vine foliage. Most of the outdoor baths have concotions in them. The Drinks Galore section has pools perfumed with rice wine, coffee, beer and pineapple. The Bouquet garden has pools smattered with rose petals and leavender oil but my favourite is the tea garden – a series of sunken stone pools each with different herbal teas melting into them. I dip myself into green tea, then black tea and then Oolong tea. Each tea is supposed to have different healing properties.

I am well and truly and quite literally immersed in Chinese culture now I think. And I think of dear Zeb who really should be here immersed in Oolong with me.

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Photos

Emily in Xiamen
Sampling a local "chicken and smoky cuttlefish" flavoured bread.

Yes he really did buy it...
For twenty quid!!!