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Published: February 16th 2006
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The Lecture Hall
The Lecture Hall before everyone arrived. Site of the great Yellen speech. Today's entry is for all of you doubters out there. Skeptics, cynics, and nay-sayers who did not believe that I could muster the skills necessary to speak Chinese in a crucial situation. Here's how the miracle transpired.....sit back and enjoy.
Last night (as readers may remember) I received a phone call about today's meeting of the faculty at the Jingshan school. Following their long winter vacation, the new term is set to begin. Today the faculty arrived to do what faculty do....meet. I was asked to attend this meeting to be introduced to my new colleagues. Last night I received a call saying that I would need to address the faculty...in Chinese. No big deal the voice on the other end said...4 or 5 sentences.
What? No big deal? Ah....I don't speak Chinese. It kind of is a big deal. My vocabulary consists of the words for beef, chicken, and lamb. As we know my only sentence to this point is about when I am going to shower. But alas....no time for self-pity. I had only a few hours to teach myself Chinese with the necessary fluency to address a crowd of educators. Sure...no problem.
The scene at
the apartment last night was downright hilarious and fun to watch. I wrote out a paragraph in English and my host family translated it on the bottom of the paper into Chinese. I announced I was going to my room to practice, and would emerge shortly to perform it for them. Now...perhaps I should not have been this daring...but of course I inserted a joke into my speech. The joke entailed me commentin about how my Chinese favorite sentence was "Shower now, eat later." A sure crowd pleaser. The rest of the speech sounded like a personal ad, as I recounted my liking of baseball, biking, and comedy.
Anyway...the first test performance was...well....beyond awful. You don't have to even know Chinese to know it was terrible...in fact you only had to look at my family's face to know I had just stunk up the joint. However, to their credit, they were ultra supportive. They laughed at the joke like it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. I tried again...and returned to my room to practice following guidance on how to pronounce certain things.
This scene repeated itself for the next hour plus. Each time, my wonderful
English Office
He does windows? family laughing at the joke as if they had just heard it for the first time. By the end of the night I had elevated the quality to a level that could be described as....pretty bad. Which...considering where I had begun...that was a drastic improvement. On my host mother's way out the door for the evening she smiled and said, "You practice more." Ah....thanks...I am now brimming with confidence.
So we enter the place where the meeting is held this morning. A GIANT lecture hall filled with a sea of people. It had the feel of a communist party rally as there was a table set up on the stage, with UN style microphones and "propaganda" video of students in some recent performance contest. Then we were announced,ushered on stage, and provided microphones to address the group.
Then the strangest thing happened. A ultra calm came over me. I wasn't nervous. Wait a minute...I'm an entertainer..this is my element...who cares that I don't speak Chinese....I'm sure I can make up for that with my natural charisma and charm. And so I did! First off, I don't think it mattered what I said. Given the fact that I was
English Office
Home of the "cubidesks." the only white person in the room, I think they didn't expect something resembling Chinese to come from my mouth in the first place. They just appreciated the effort. Then, given enthusiasm I spoke with..well...I think I won the crowd over from the start. By the time I got to my joke, some were ready to laugh. Look out Jingshan school, here comes Brett Yellen! I received a nice applause, and my career in China was off to a good start.
**** ***** *****
Following that we were ushered to the English office. I large array of desks put together that closely resembled the setup of desks when I worked in the investment banking industry. The roomcontained what I affectionately call-cubidesks---a hybrid of desk cubicles. The best part... they put me to work right away. The staff had begun cleanup of the messy office. They joked..."do you want to help?" Ah...sure...I guess. I of course want to be helpful. "Since you are the man, you need to put box up there." Ah...okay. And I heaved a box on a shelf much higher than myself. Then they handed me a wet rag and instructed me to balance on the outside ledge and wash the windows. "She has already done the inside, you do the outside." I looked at another teacher who was doing the same. Not one to complain, I got to work. This was received with great laughter. Was this some sort of Chinese hazing incident? Have the new guy wash the windows? It was strangely reminiscent of my first day as a Washington intern. First task then, dust the cabinets. After completing my task I yell...."Okay, what's next?" I don't think they were expecting that.
Again...look out China here I come. This place will never be the same.
Until later,
Brett
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Sara
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He Does Windows?
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