Crying and Socializing

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Sometimes we just need to cry. I am glad I was brought up comfortable enough to do it. It is a natural emotion for us humans - although I am not sure how natural it is for any other animal. I think one of the worst things we can do to ourselves is deny ourselves of the natural. Think about it, is smoking natural? No and it denies ourselves of good health. Try denying yourself the ability to go to the bathroom or eating or sleeping for a long time and see how great you feel.

Relationships are strange things sometimes "Is he your Beijing boyfriend?" "No dad, Cam is my boy I only have one." "You are allowed more, one in each province." This was the conversation I had with my dad when he first met Mathieu. Why? Mathieu and I are close - physically. But he is like JH we can hold hands and lie on eachother for as long as forever but nothing else will happen. I am slightly atracted to him wanting to kiss him every now and again but I can feel nothing but guilt for Cam at even thinking of wanting to kiss him so I do not. I like being this close with Mathieu and think I will be for a while. People have never understood this about me. I am one of those people who can have strange relationships with people - Nick, JH, Chan, and Mathieu. I say strange not because I think them so but because others do. To me they are natural as that is the way it is.

Yesterday I got to see the Beijing Great Wall for the first time ever with my parents. Dad and I climbed up it quite a ways but we were only able to take mom up it for a bit. I enjoyed climbing and talking to dad as usual. Afterwards we went to see a Kung Fu show, part of me kept thinking how much Cam would have enjoyed it. I enjoyed it a lot too - they could do some things you would not even imagine possible.

Today Mathieu took us around to see the really old really short hutongs - some with really old doors. We walked around a lake afterwards. Dad was definitely back to his old social self talking non-stop with Mathieu and then Shen Qin Min at dinner. I love when he does that, he does it with me too. I think it is like magic that he can just talk to anyone. I had forgotten that Shen Qin Min was good at English since we speak Chinese so much. At the end when we dropped Mathieu off after the lake he was on the phoen with someone in French telling the taxi driver to keep on in Chinese and talking to us in English. I felt bad for him. Plus I am sure he had had enough English for the week after talking with dad.

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