Blog 15: ZaiJian ZhongGuo

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It is Tuesday September 1st and I have spent the afternoon ambling through the gardens of the Temple of Heaven.

Sound heavenly?

It was. And for the first time since I can remember, I smelt the smell of newly cut grass, and it made me happy, and it made me think of home.

I have spent today (after arriving at 6am) walking around the 2 places I didn't get to visit before; namely the Lama Temple and the Temple of Heaven. Both were nice, but these Chinese eyes are tired and I'm focused on leaving these shores now.

So I have arrived back where I started. Seems like a lifetime ago now. Beijing today is a far cry from the -200 million degrees we had to endure back in January; all that newness, all that uncertainty. All the feelings of wondering if I had done the right thing, what if I hate it here, what if I'm no good at teaching, what if what if what if...?

It seems strange to look back now, at that other time, that other person, that other place, for China has changed a lot since we first met.

And so I don't really know what to leave you with. I feel we have come a long way together, me and my blog and whoever is out there reading this, and so I thought that the best way to end my trip, would be to do a series of short writings about the key things that have struck me since I have been here. These are nothing short of the ramblings of a madwoman, but they have been rolling around my head in some capactiy or another and I feel they need to be let out...they will be here in the next day or so...

And so, to you China, I bid you farewell. You are a fickle two headed monster, yearning with an intense nostalgia for a past you yourself destroyed and yet striving forward pushing the boundaries of the future, determined not to be shackled by chains of your own making.

All I can do is shake my head in wonderment, disbelief, amazement and horror. You inspire every emotion and some I hadn't considered before and I truely believe that I could live here until I'm 142, and I still wouldn't be any closer to understanding you.

You have been a good host, and to your people I am extremely grateful. Of the Chinese I have met and had the pleasure to have known, my students for making me laugh, my student and friend Helen, who was a light in a very dark tunnel, Nita who showed me the way, the silent and the nameless who plucked me from obscurity and made me a functioning person again, albeit for a short while, the policeman in Qingdao who picked me up from the depths of despair and showed me kindness, all the small and the big and the in between acts of kindness have not been forgotten, or left unappreciated. I hope that I have recorded as accuratley as you would like the stories you have all become a part of and I am truely grateful for everything you have given me.

This is Edgar, reporting for the final time,

China, I bid you farewell.

- Beijing, September 2009.

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Comments

[NateK]

well done
"You inspire every emotion and some I hadn't considered before and I truely believe that I could live here until I'm 142, and I still wouldn't be any closer to understanding you. " Amen to that! It's been a treat reading your blog, thank you for sharing your experiences and thank you for the kind words you have given me. Take care Edgar and good luck in the future! - Nate

[anonymous]

The thoughts of a "MAD BELGIAN CHOCOLATE MAKER" but still not ruler of the world! An interesting read that has been articulated in the only way Edgar knows how. W