Cambodia: Random Notebook Entries; The Cinderella Syndrome

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Between the three of us (husband Matthew, son Sebastien and me) we schlepped (past tense of verb 'To Schlep'?) approximately 160kg of mostly children's clothing, mosquito nets and an assortment of basic but useful articles intended for various Cambodian concerns, not excluding our own adopted extended Khmer family.

As usual, I waited for the last minutes to galvanize me into action and two days after the others had left with the bulk of the donations, I crammed a large duffle bag to bursting point, gabbed my laptop and gladly accepted my friend Kara's offer to deliver me to LAX for my 1am flight. A laptop has never been considered as a travel companion before (possibly because I didn't have one, more likely bcause I hate to babysit enticingly valuable items in povery stricken lands), but this time it was worth the trouble. I was able to burn CD's of photos and have prints made for our friends working as tour guides to help them lure reluctant backpackers into the wilds of Ratanakiri and to burn Khmer-English language CD's for our 'adopted daughter' Maitaa..

Maitaa is the 12 year daughter of my friend Sophat and she has been living with his mother and grandmother from a very young age. It's culturally acceptable for the second wife to reject children born of the previous marriage, especially if they are girls.. In the Stung Treng family home Maitaa had to jostle for her position amongst the various members of the family, spanning four generations, who were living under the same leaking roof. Of the nine people normally in residence, she ranks number nine, behind her four year old male cousin (thought to be the reincarnation of the great grandfather) and her ten year old 'aunt' born to Sophat's mother during her second marriage, which also brought with it a step daughter.

The Cinderella Syndrome is how I've chosen to describe the lives of these girls. Receiving little in the way of affection, they become the general workers of the household when not attending half day schooling, and for this they live with the family but on the edge looking in to some degree.
Cinderella is called upon to fetch and carry for the running of the family noodle stall while the favoured children play. I had known Sophat for over one year before great grandma told me that Maitaa was his child. Not once had I ever witnessed a display of affection, not even a touch. He had abandoned her to immerse himself in the joy of having a two year old son by his second wife, Sonie, from whom he is now divorced.

This quietly observing child with her solemn countenance is the only one who tries to understand and speak with me. From context she can determine what I intend to convey or need and avidly took possession of my Khmer-English language programmed iPod during my last trip here. Together we would share the headset and help each other to correctly pronounce the words. She would spell some easy ones out for me using cards printed with the Khmer alphabet and for a while she traveled with her father and me when school was closed. We visited Banlung, swam everyday in the warm crater lake there, bought a cheap badmington game from the market stall and played under the trees, often losing the shuttlecock in the high branches only to laugh about our lack of skill.

Without help from outside, such an intelligent child would swirl down the povery drain, as many do, but now she has foriegn guardians and studies everyday with her gift of a CD player, a stock of batteries and some of Sebastien's English language work books. Maitaa is one of the best students in her school and talks about a desire to study medicine at university. With the set up of an educational fund under our gestating non-profit organization, her hope may become her reality as it may for others we've connected with during our time in this land. As a result of our frquent visits and growing influence on the family, her days as Cinderella are numbered and we shall do what we can to help her break away from this cycle of low expectation. She may yet become the chosen one, the Princess, one of the few that don't marry at the first opportunity in the hope of a better life, then live to regret it

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