"Cambodia: The gun-crime capital of Southeast Asia!" or "Angkor What?"

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UntitledDear absolutely everybody I know and adore,

Hello again, this time from the gun-crime capital of Southeast Asia, Cambodia! Actually, despite warnings from our guide not to walk around alone with my backpack in Phnom Penh, I never once felt threatened; the people are really friendly, and despite my guidebooks warnings of a surge in arms sales in the capital around Khmer (Cambodian) New Year (15-17 April) we survived entirely intact. What can I say, lucky Buddhas all around!

Last time I left you guys it was to rush out to catch the market in Hoi An before I had to go pick up my special silk suit. My God, does it look good! I expect lots of invitations to summer garden/dinner parties - when you see why it's special there's absolutely no way you will decline! Anyway, Hoi An was great - shopping cost a bomb (although not compared to England - tailored leather casual shoes for $12!) but the food was MEGA cheap, which is what we like. We also went to see the orphanage, which was pretty heart-wrending because of all the children sill suffering as a result of the dioxins (agent orange) dropped as a defoliant. But overall it was a great stop, filled with coca-cola fuelled shopping madness (to a greater extent on the part of the Aussie girls). But the day afer my last entry, we flew down to Ho Chi Minh City, or Saigon as you sentimentalists might have it. I have flown domestic style twice in one week, and I can tell you that it certainly beats 8 hour bus journeys, despite all the hassle. On our way down we got to check out "Marble Mountain" as the US GIs helpfully christened it, ignoring all local names. Quyen, our guide, took great pleasure in explaining how VietCong 7 women soldiers shot down 19 US aircraft in one night from this giant boulder of holy caverns (think swiss cheese) - oh well, death to the decadent west!

Ho Chi Minh city is perhaps one of the busiest cities in the world, and dear God do they ever know how to do Capitalism, and with a certain style. The odd thing is that despite it's ultra-high tech facades and busy boulevards, you don't have to go far to reach totally rural fishing villages - oddly the high-tech just stops and the low-tech begins! Saigon lacks the soul of Hanoi, and the intimate (read claustrophobic) charm, but it's still a great, if crazy, place to spend a bit of time.

The day after our flight we headed out of the city to the Cu Chi Tunnels (not as cute as they sound - let's face it, nothing could be as sugary-cute as that sounds) that in fact marked the end of the northern Vietnamese army's supply trail to the guerillas in the south, the Ho Chi Minh trail. Dug into the rock-like earth, these tiny tunnels (enlarged, I must shamefully say, for the slightly less trim western behind) are totally incredible - impossible to spot, absolutely covert and deadly. You gotta feel sorry for those poor GIs the Americans sent in, who had to endure home-made bamboo man traps the inventiveness of which you wouldn't believe. But then the tunnels were to protect civillians, so it's not all bad. It's the sniffer dogs I really feel sorry for - I mean what were the US army thinking? You cut off a population's food supply by spreading defoliant everywhere and then send a local delicacy into sniff them out of crampt little holes. Somebody wasn't thinking straight... Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to try dog in my whole time in Vietnam. Darn it, there just wasn't any in Saigon. Oh well, it's probably just as well -apparently it's ridiculously expensive, can be bad luck at certain times of the lunar month, and gives me a good reason to visit Eunbi, my friend in Korea. Or, of course, I could always just feast in England... All together now, Ppppppppppp...pick up a poochie!

That was Thurday, and afterwards I whistfully wandered the nearby Saigon market, not buying anything but enjoying the visual and orefactal feast to be had. Sadly we had to say goodbye to Ben and Danny and our tourleader Quyen that evening, but we did it in style, toasting at the Saigon Saigon rooftop bar, infamous haunt of foreign journalists during the war. I, predictably and cheaply, decided simply to take in the live music and ambience, and let everyone else order coctails starting at at least three times what we had paid for dinner that evening. I love being with a tour - minimum spend on my part, maximum free extras!

Next day was a free day, so I quite predictably did some of the local museums and pagoda (probably not entirely woth it) but I also did he Reunification Palace, formerly the Independence Palace. My, what an spectacular place! I can promise you you have never seen anything like it. A 1960s palace, built by a corrupt regime; you gotta love it! Anyway, with it's groovy decor, indoor cinema, rooftop ballroom and crazy banker-basements you sort-of expect the swivel of a chair and those infamous words "Goodbye Mister Bond" followed by an equally retro chic screech from the infamous cat. Absolutely no joke; if Blofelt could do it publicly with helicopters and tanks in his garden, this would be it! Crazy but great, I really enjoyed the chance to see the highlights (as well as the real side) of Saigon. In the evening we met the newbies on our group - Eve (possibly Eva - now it's been 5 days it is shaming to ask) and her husband James, both kiwis with a wicked sense of humour, and Gill from the UK, who is also great and serves as an anchor amist the Australasians, not forgetting Nak, our Cambodian guide. First night out with the new guys was brill - off to the night market afterwards, but was very good and didn't buy a thing. Am totally overloaded, and there's still more souveniers to buy! Oh well, I guess I'll just have to buy another bag...

The next day we spent 8 hours (groan!) driving to Chau Doc on the Vietnamese border. The drive was actually OK - surprisingly good roads along the beautiful Mekong Delta, and I thought the day wasn't too bad until I spectacularly stumbled and fell in true Chippy School-bred style on the planks on the way down to the hotel's floating restaurant. Ooops! Actually I was pretty luck just to escape with grazed knees and elbows - looking at that water the next day, I wouldn't have wanted to end up in that water!

The next day we cruied in a speedboat up the Mekong, through the Cambodian border and up to Phnom Penh. It was a pleasant speedboat ride, even if it went on for ages, and I really gelled with the new guys, although the border guards certainly have an interesting way of assessing how much of a threat you pose ( they x-ray occasional boats'luggage, and have an ingenious system of checking passports minus the actual person. Oh well - who's complaining - in my Uncle Ho hat I usually elicit a laugh from the locals anyway (although that may just be me - I'm assuming my face isn't naturally that hillarious, but who knows. To those of you thinking of posting replies to this rhetorical ponderance, don't forget, I know where you live and am now trained in 5 kinds of Khmer kickboxing. Only kidding. 6 kinds).

Phnom Penh was beautiful and surprisingly westernised - we visited the National Museum on the first day and then ate at a restaurant where all the chefs and waiters are street children - like KOTO in Hanoi. My god was the food GOOD, and totally cheap! Always what I like. At the end of a long day I absolutely appreciated returning to my luxurious hotel, even if my small cuts means I have to be very careful taking a shower (it's OK - I have discover a system of itricate balance - one leg in the bath, one out (only cuts on one knee) both arms above my head, body flailing wildly to move showerhead head to wash self. Actually it's all rather beautiful - kiwis would probbably suggest I took it on the road). The next day was slightly less fun, slightly more bone-crushingly depressing. We went to the main detention/hideous torture centre in Phnom Penh, former high-school Toul Sleng or S-21 and saw the methods of torture used by the Khmer Rouge, after which we visited the killing fiels (ie mass graves) outside of the city. It's a mega sobering experience, and shames me to think that until 1991 western governments still recognised Pol Pot's regime as the Cambodian govt in the UN despite wide knowledge and their expulsion to border territories by the Vietnamese. Once again, hooray for the Vietnamese! In the afternoon we headed off to the Russian market (oddly un-Russan, but then that's one of those crazy associations no one gets) where I bought a traditionally red and white checked krama scraf for 50c. I was pretty pleased with myself until I got back on the bus and Nak congratulated me on my fine Khmer Rouge scarf! He was joking; the locals wear them all the time still, and the Khmer Rouge only wore them with their uniforms, but I must remind myself not to wear it with my usual eveningwear (currently black shirt + tousers, as uniform!) In the afternoon we visited th grounds of the royal palace and the silver pagoda, rmarkable for it's thwonking great silver floortiles and mountains of jewel-encrusted Buddhas - so spectacular, I wish I was special like the royal family and deserved Emerald buddhas and diamond encrusted hats...yeah, that's the sorta thing that could make me infitely happy. Who needs inner-peace when you have material possesions that nice?

In the evening we went to dinner at the house of our guide during the day, Jumbran. My god, the food was sooo good! And so much! In Siem Reap (where I am now, city near sight of Angkor Watt temples) we have no breakfast, so I stocked up on his wonderful food. A man could just eat constantly in this country! This morning, an extremely early morning flight (8 am!) brought us to Siem Reap, which lasted around 40 minutes (the flight, not the city - I'm not that much of a disaster area!) and toady we've just been chilling as well as visiting another orphanage and a fairtrade production centre. Tonight, apparently we're off to Angkor What? bar, which should be pretty cool - they treat the tourists real nice but strenuously object to giving out information. Should be fun.. And then tomorrow, off to Angkor Watt city complex! I absolutely can't wait. I'll be thinking of you guys, sat behind desks, working or studying... actually no I won't, I'll be having too good a time! Love all you guys - will write again hopefully sooner,

Richard

p.s. to all those worried about my personal safety, apparently Siem Reap is so touristy it's totally safe. So don't lose sleep, ços I'm certainly not going to!

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