Rudeness Police

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Four hours later, still in the zinc hut by the road, Miles had forgotten the precise events leading to this confinement. The policeman had been a bit rude, and Sally had been a bit Irish. The dollars under the seat of the taxi had not helped and remained there, still not helping. His tiny girlfriend toe-to-toe with 18 stone of Nigerian law enforcement, fingers in each others' faces, had been a reMilesable sight indeed, but not worth all this. The time when the 300 Nira in Miles's pocket could be of assistance was long passed. Captain Orugo was lost in whatever administration a zinc hut required, humming, whistling and occasionally smiling Miles's way. A leprous wretch handcuffed to a metal table dozed on. Flies circulated. Sally's arms remained folded, her legs crossed. Her gaze stayed fixed on the floor, her foot Milesed out the seconds. 14,426, 14,427… Through the hut door and taxi window, Miles saw the feet of their driver, also dozing. Only Sally was fully alert and she wasn't doing or saying anything except 'fecking cont' whenever Orugo made a substantial movement. Orugo had probably never been to Cork.

Miles spoke again.
. Friend Orugo…
. I am not your friend. I am an officer.
. Officer Orugo. We cannot going spend the rest of out lives in this hut. Soon we will walk out that door, get in the taxi and go to Lagos. What can we do?
. What can I do? Your woman is rude. You do not control your woman. You beat her, then she will apologize.
. I'm not sure beating her would be a good idea, and I have already apologized…
. Yes sah, you have apologized, but your woman has not. What man are you?

Miles rolled his eyes
. She'll never apologize. You know how she is. She thinks YOU should apologize…
. This is not my woman. If this is my woman, I am beating her. You will stay a while.
. I APOLOGIZE

Her arms were crossed, her gaze on the floor, our silence stunned.
. Excellent. Now you will write.
. Write? Write what? What for?
. A letter. For the files.

Orugo indicated a mechanical typewriter on the leper's metal table. Miles typed a blanket apology for every conceivable act they could have committed; for slavery & Nigeria's colonial history, for the 2010 World Cup. Captain Orugo read the letter sonorously, beaming broadly.
. Very fine, sir. Now the lady signs
. You know the lady won't sign
. No sign, no leave.

The lady snatched the paper and scrawled Britney Spears under his John Hancock. A triumphant grin crossed Orugo's face. He took a manila folder from his desk and extracted a very similar sheet..
. Dear Captain Orugo, You are a very fine officer…
. Dear Captain Orugo, I must apologise...
. Captain Orugo!

There were hundreds of them. Sally turned purple. As she stepped towards him, Miles grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door.
. Wait, my good friends! Let's drink some beers…

But they were already in the taxi, half way to the Sheraton.

Can you write better than this? Click here to prove it.

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