Malawi to Vic Falls

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Malawi to Vic Falls

Well, this really was simply 2 days of travelling; numerous snack stops along the way were vital to keep my ever expanding gut happy and also to procure US$ to spend in Zimbabwe. The goal on day one was to travel through to Lilongwe, have lunch and source USD then continue through to Ma Marula Camp site in Luangwa, Northern Zambia. My impression of Malawi steadily deteriorated on our way to Lilongwe; I did not think this possible but the scale of nothingness other than mud villages was astounding; no farms; no roads; no industry; I never believed I would be so happy to see the border into Zambia!

Ma Marulas campsite, like the Snakepark in Arusha, was run by South African’s. That evening was the first experience of the Southern African curse; not the tsetse fly; not malaria; the dreaded power cuts!!! As we were to learn later from Kathryn’s brother power cuts are common in Zambia; either live with them or leave. We also discovered later that Zimbabwe is in a league of its own when it comes to power cuts.

After stumbling around in the dark preparing food and erecting tents we had a shower before settling down for a few beers at the bar and to watch a Liverpool European cup match. Being a rugby, cricket and football addict, it has been refreshing not having my life ruled by sport on tv; it was great watching a game again and I certainly appreciated it more than normal.

Then next morning was another 4:30am start to the day; 600km over Zambian roads to Lusaka, what fun!!! Half way to Lusaka and we came across a bridge of mild interest as we were forbidden taking pictures of it. The Zambian Army, having no use on this earth other than picking their noses, believe it is of strategic importance to the nation! Like most of Africa, half the population is starving but no, it is more important to guard a bridge the rest of the world couldn’t give a toss about!! Sometimes pictures speak louder than words; soon after crossing the bridge we stopped for lunch outside a small shop aptly named “The Lost Hope Shop”, the government and army take note and listen to your people!!

For obvious reasons no drinking was allowed on the truck whilst it was moving as a drunk man is a rather unpredictable creature. On this particular occasion, after 2 days of non-stop driving our tour guide relented and we indulged in “one drink”! Yeah right, open the flood gates at your own peril!! Dragging out the cooler box - chilli bin according to the kiwi’s and Eski’s to the Aussies (a source of endless discussions during the trip) - we pulled out all sorts of alcohol remnants from previous tours. There were beers no one had ever heard of; I had a warm guiness well past its expiry date before indulging in a mouthful of vodka and red wine being handed around to celebrate the Irsh boys birthday (They funnelled the vile concoction down the poor bastards throats). No injuries and in good spirits we finally drove into Lusaka.

Arriving at Eureka campsite we performing the usual duties before descending on the campsite pool which even the Irish boys found rather chilled. The night was spent in the bar watching football on T.V., and indulging in live Irish cat throwing; the bar was swamped with the foul creatures slinking around. Keano the Irish lads ring leader, although claiming to be a cat lover, picked up a choice specimen and threw it nicely across the room where it landed harmlessly on its feet before coming back for more! This didn’t go down well with a fellow Zimbabwean on the trip very upset with the treatment (The same guy also got cross when I killed a locust!!) My question is, “Why did the cat keep coming back”?

This was not the only altercation with animals that evening. The Aussie crew were excited when a few Zebra’s moved in to eat the juicy grass around the bar. Brave having consumed numerous beers, Matt wandered a little too close to a male Zebra and nearly lost his future prospects. Animal lovers out there may be upset with these antics, but, the only animal I saw hurt during the trip was the snake that’s head was squashed by a peasant villagers during our 30km hike in Malawi.

Generally the roads gradually got better as we drove away from the equator. An exception to this was no more evident than from Lusaka to Livingstone; the last 100km into Livingstone was hell!! I stress the point that there are worse roads than this particular one, but, having travelled thousands on miles had taken its toll by this stage. The thought of the evening booze cruise kept us sane through the final km’s, although we were all a little apprehensive about the fancy dress up. With most tours a fancy dress party is standard practise; in our case the theme was ugly!

It’s 4pm; my leopard print string top is pulled over my belly, my pink tutu is bouncing proudly around my hips; Kathryn is dressed like one of Aladdin’s 40 thieves; we are ready to go! The booze cruise lasts 2 hours and basically the aim is drink as much as possible, including rum!!

Besides the booze, the cruise itself is fantastic, the only criticism that it was too short. The Zambezi is a beautiful river; seeing the sun set over the waters simply enhances the setting. We travelled up stream for an hour before turning around as the sun set perfectly in the middle of the river. Arriving back well oiled, most of the group moved straight to the nearest bar with the remaining stragglers escorted back to their tents. It was around this time that the tent moving began. Moving tents around is mostly light hearted fun, when it’s not your own. All was taken in jest except for the English couple whose tent was moved a little too close to the electric fence!! One zap later and all humour evaporated; the bloke decided to vent his anger on the nearest tent landing a kick, unknown to him squarely on the prone kiwi girl in the tent!! Being drunk, she woke up in the morning clearly bemused by the UDI (unidentified drinking incident) until it was explained to her later on.

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur; Kathryn had to put me in bed; people were thrown in the pool fully clothed; cameras were drowned; wallets were lost; one guy slept under the truck because his girlfriend was upset at Kathryn drying his hair; we went searching for my wallet at 4am then found it in the tent; the list goes on…………

So that ends the journey down to Zimbabwe. That morning we travelled though the border post with no major issues. The only point of interest was the 100 billion Zimbabwe dollar note that everyone promptly bought for one US$. Back home at last!!!

Victoria Falls, for those of you who have not visited, is nothing but a small tourist town swarming with empty hotels and desperate hagglers begging to sell trinkets for a measly 1USD.

We stayed at the main campsite well situated in the middle of town with Vic Falls and backpacker bars within easy walking distance. The campsite also had a great pool and affordable bar/restaurant vital as food in Vic Falls was not included in the tour.

Vic Falls was clearly one of the highlights of the trip with the numerous adrenalin activities a must for most of the tour. The biggest draw for me was the white water rafting; 34 years old and I hadn’t done it!!! What you don’t want after finishing a trip is to have any regrets; the half day adrenalin sounded like a good idea when we booked, but, standing at the top of an 110mt gorge when you are not partial to heights!!!! I must say it was amazing, absolutely amazing; dangling above the gorge hanging by a wire; free falling 3 seconds down the side of the gorge before swinging out 20mts above the rocks below; it was worth every penny, oh , and one pair of underwear!!

The white water rafting was a full day experience costing 100USD and to me was the best value for money. I was all talk before hand, but, as we approached the first grade 5 rapid (highest commercial rapids possible) I couldn’t apprehend the power and size of the rapid; that was a second before the raft was standing vertically in the air and all I saw between the angry water was a large ass fast approaching my head!! Rule 1: when rafting always sit at the front of the raft. Rule 2: when trapped under the raft for 10 seconds and you think you are going to die, don’t panic!!! What type of shitty rule is that?? Of course you’re going to panic, no one wants to die!! Idiots!

White water rafting was the most exhilarating experience of the trip, just ahead of ski diving in Namibia. I must add that we had a crazy crew on the raft: 4 mad Irish; an adrenalin junkie Safa boy who had already done 20 ski dives and rafting on the White Nile in Uganda; 2 Zimbabweans and 1 poor wee Irish lass who was a miserable wreck by lunch time!!! We did ask our guide to flip the raft at every possible occasion, a request he was more than happy to oblige.

Well, the rest of the time in the Falls was spent buying cheap 4USD vodka from the local markets and spending time with the in-laws who kindly travelled from Bulawayo to see us. The day was spent driving around the old hotels reminiscing about the many past visits. That evening we had dinner at The Kingdom, a luxury hotel which offers an expensive buffet; this I was happy to pay for especially after the effort the in-laws made to visit us (Zimbabwe is worse than you can imagine); what I wasn’t happy paying was 6USD for an orange cordial; what a joke.

It was at this stage of the tour that half the group split off travelling on to Jo’burg and back to Europe and Australia whilst the remainder continuing down to Cape Town. It was not long after saying our goodbyes that disaster struck; Trent’s passport and cell phone had disappeared. Theft was immediately blamed on a desperate local. Luck was at hand, Kathryn’s dad would give Trent a lift to Bulawayo then send him on his way by train to Harare where Neil’s mom would pick him up and take him to the Aussie embassy. Zimbabwean’s making a plan!! Sometimes you can be too efficient; later that night Matt looked in his toiletry bag for the first time in a while and there it was the passport!!

We can only guess the sequence of events leading to the passport’s disappearance and temporary home in Matt’s toiletry bag. Yes; if he had a shower the previous night none of this would have happened; if the boys had searched their bags thoroughly, as suggested by Belinda the tour guide they would have found it as well. The real question was who put it there? Some suggested the 2 drunk girls leaving to go back home to NZ did it as a joke; guess we will never know.

So with 3 countries left it was time to make our way to dusty sands of Botswana and Namibia; shops where you can buy fresh bread and biltong, what a luxury!!!

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Photos

Driving through Zambia
Parking off for lunch outside the aptly named -Lost Hope Shop-

Driving through Zambia
Kathryn at work cleaning pots.

Zambia
The well named Lost hope shop

Driving to Lusaka
The road overcame us so out came the drinks.

Livingstone booze cruise
Safety in numbers

Livingstone booze cruise
Fancy dress - we didn't get to choose what to wear!

Vic Falls
View of the bridge from the famous Vic Falls Hotel

Vic Falls adrenaline day
Dangling 120m above the gorge!

Vic Falls gorge swing
Its scarier than skydiving!

Vic Falls gorge swing
What the hell am I doing!!!