Ghana Survival Guide

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Heya everyone
So I've officially finished my vacation in Ghana. My shuttle to site doesn't leave until Friday though, so I've got some time to fart around Accra and get used to big city life again. The trip down the coast was completely amazing. There's way too much to tell but I'll do my best. No pics yet since I don't have the cable (that's back in Ouaga) but I've got some good ones. Chantal and I couldn't have made better travel partners and that's definitely a reason the trip went off so well. We let the wind take us and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly! Before I get into the details (they will come in another e-mail with pics), I will provide the following instructions in terms of the skills I have acquired here in Ghana:

How to get Hair Extensions:
1. Find a local salon. Determine amount of time it will take. Multiply this number by three.
2. Pay for hair extensions and procedure. Look in horror at fake hair coming out of plastic bags, then sigh in relief as it appears to be unused.
3. Sit patiently as 4 women pull HARD at the smallest and most sensitive hairs on your head.
4. Cringe, wince, and whine often.
5. Send someone out to buy a case of beer. (yes, we actually did this)
6. Drink every time you cringe, wince, or whine.
7. After about 3 hours, go pee (due to beer). Look despairingly in the bathrooom mirror at how little of your head is covered in little braids and think of how much more torture lay ahead of you. Consider backing out.
8. After about 6 hours, wander out of the salon sore and half-sloshed.
9. Go to bed and try to manoeuvre into a sleeping position that does not involve resting one's head on ANYTHING.

How to take out Hair Extensions:
1. After about 4 days, sunburned scalp and dermatitis will lead you to madness.
2. Find a friend (hopefully also with hair extensions they want removed) to start taking out your hair extensions. When estimating how long this will take, use the number of hours it took to put them in and then multiply by two.
3. When frustrated with lengthy process, find local girls (about 10 or 11 years) to help take out the braids.
4. Sit patiently while 4 small girls pull HARD at the smallest and most sensitive hairs on your head.
5. Cringe, wince, and whine often.
6. Send little girls home (with a bit of money for their trouble) since they are incredibly rough and pull too much.
7. If process continues to go too slow, use knife to cut off as much as possible of the fake hair and then undo only the remaining braid containing your own hair.
8. Recruit more people to help undo the braids.
9. Send someone out to buy a case of beer. Distribute beer to helpers.
10. Marvel at the softness of your own hair. Shower, and pray itching goes away quickly.

How to Eat a Coconut:
1. Find a coconut. They're everywhere so it's not hard. They don't have to be hairy or brown, those are usually too old and tough. Greener is better.
2. Find a machete. If you don't have one don't worry, someone nearby does.
3. Hack off a just a small piece of the tip of the coconut to reveal the inside. This is where the coconut juice comes from. It is helpful to hack of some small pieces of the husk also.
4. Drink liquid contents of coconut. It's a bit funny and takes some getting used to, but when there's no candy around it's the next best thing! Very sweet. It may take 2 or more people, as there's lots of juice.
5. Once the coconut is empty of juice, use machete or a rock to break open the coconut to reveal the inside meat.
6. Use one of the small pieces of husk (see Step 3) as a spoon to scoop out the meat of the coconut. It's stuck to the inside of the shell, and has the consistency of fat. But it's sweet and relatively tasty.
7. Dispose of empty coconut shell. This is usually done in traditional fashion of throwing it into a bush somewhere.


How to Negotiate a Taxi Ride:
1. Flag down a taxi. Usually they are honking like crazy at you so it's not too tough. They're everywhere.
2. Tell the driver where you're going and ask him how much.
3. Balk at the first price no matter how reasonable it seems. Propose half.
4. Listen to the driver balk then haggle a bit more.
5. When he won't give you the price you want, remind him that there are 50 other taxis around and you will find one of them who will take you for what you're willing to pay. Alternately, say no thanks and walk away. He will quickly follow and accept your price. If he doesn't, it's no loss because there really are 50 other taxis around and one is bound to accept your price.

**Take note of this. I had such success negotiating good fares that I was designated the Negotiator for the entire trip**


How to Survive A Tro-Tro: (these are very sketchy busses that are cheaper and scarier than legit busses)
1. Buy ticket. Go pee. There's no stopping!
2. Pay for transport of luggage. Haggle for price. (see How to Negotiate a Taxi Ride)
3. Clutch belongings closely and avoid falling asleep.
4. Do not look out windshield. This will only cause panic.
5. When swerving and bumping dramatically, imagine you're on a roller coaster ride and there is no possible way that you could hit something or fall off a cliff. Remember not to look out windshield.
6. Smile and think of how pleasing and reassuring the sound of squealing brakes can be. Divert eyes from windshield.
7. Upon arrival, keep a close eye on luggage and make sure you have all belongings. (Chantal lost her cell phone when she turned her back for 2 mins!)
8. Kiss the ground and thank heavens you made it in one piece! 😊

Lots of love,
-Brownie

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Comments

[Hans/Frans]

Fun trip
Heya H/F, sounds like you had fun. This blog was hillarious, it's like something you would expect a comedian to talk about in his/her sketch...there ya go, if all else faisl you can become a comedian and use this as your sketch! Look forward to hearing more. Lots of love. H/F. xoxo.

[Balchin]

Thanks for the advice Brownie. Very entertaining! Glad you had a good time. Wish I was there. Miss you xxoo

[brad]

brownie i can just emagine all of this great read mate..beers always help anything painful!