Deja Vu (Climb you bastard, climb!)

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There is a quaint old English saying that I haven't heard since high school. It goes: "I am going to kick seven shades of shit out of you". It wasn't until I started working for the health service that I discovered that there are seven shades if shit - nurses have a detailed chart with pictures showing the quality, texture, etc. of each 'shade'. Known with affection as the poo chart, it played a central role in conversation during my last visit to Cairo. Every morning at breakfast, the first topic of discussion was where you were riding on the chart. Generally, those who ate the salad the night before had the loosest movements. However, I have been here for four days and my number two is still number one (described as hard and firm in texture, like a banana or cigar) I cannot believe it. I suspect one is in the post.

Went to a Turkish barber in Istanbul the other day. Without a Babel fish between us, communication proved difficult and I got a bit of a Lionel Blaircut. He also clipped the Denis Healey eyebrows. Next came the nose hair and ears (I didn't know I had bumfluff growing out of my ears - why wasn't I told?). Then he asked me a question which I didn't understand. He took my hesitation as a 'yes' and my head was plunged in the sink for a wash. No barber in Britain ever washes your hair with a five quid chop and I am glad. Washing your hair is one thing, but when the barber shoves his fingers up your nose and in your ears it ain't nice. At least I don't have to get into the shower straight away, I thought. No such luck. A bottle of something was sprayed all over me to finish the job. It was like Old Spice and I had to leg it back to the hostel and get a shower sharpish before anyone caught me smelling like my Dad in 1979. Hi-Karate would have been better.


I have been doing not a lot in Cairo. Been twice before so I have seen most stuff. I just need to get visas here which has proved to bit of a 'mare. Off to Dahab tomorrow to go diving which is why I am really in Egypt. No photos this time as I haven't taken any.

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