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Published: June 11th 2007
Luxor.
So I left off with yet another photo opp, with our beloved American icon, Ronnie McDonnie. He stands just opposite the Luxor temples. What better place to put a freaky fiber glass fast food clown statue.
A little bit about Luxor. Its Hot, and when I say hot I mean HOT. I think its about 112 degrees right now. You walk the streets for a few minutes, ducking into whatever shade you can find. So I find myself standing outside of this McDonald's. I can feel the air conditioning, flowing out from the cracks in its spotless door. Before I can say super size me, I am standing at the register, soaking up the air-con. I really didn't want anything, and to be honest, don’t really remember making the decision to go inside, just remember the cool breeze that snuck through the cracks of the door. Standing at the register, I wasn't really sure what to do. I wasn't hungry, so I was basically just like give me a Mc-Fuckin-Whatever, at this point. As long as it's cold, basically. I enjoyed my shake or ice cream, or whatever it was and forced myself into the streets of Luxor once again.
The one thing that has really put me off about Luxor, aside from the heat is the street hustlers. I have dealt with some of the worst in Old Havana, but this tops it. Everyone wants to be your friend, find out where you are from (and they ALWAYS have a cousin where you live; China, the US, or Iraq). Then its "ok, you come with me, you have tea now", then you walk to some dingy over priced shop, get free tea, and then the sales pitch. Nothing is free in this country.
Fortunately, I learned a great saying in Arabic. In English it translates to "maybe tomorrow, if it's God's will." You nail them with that as they try to pull you in for a sale, and they are caught off guard. You can't argue with Allah (God), and it seems to have become my favorite saying. I love watching their face as I mutilate the saying, but the point is made, and for the most part I walk off without any hassle.
Yesterday, I decided to do the Luxor Thing; which means packaged tourist and old stuff, and tons of heat. I wanted to do it early to avoid two of the three mentioned. I met a guy named Hamam the previous day and he agreed to arrange my own taxi, so I could go at my own pace, not at the mercy of 10 other people who want to go this way or what way. We hit the road at 730. I figured this would be early enough to avoid the downsides to the trip. I was wrong. As soon as I arrived I wished I was in Dahab, sitting by the ocean "kicking" myself for not going to Luxor. It’s the "low season" now and the hot season as well, which in theory means less people. It was nothing but PEOPLE. And not just travelers, but HUGE BUS LOADS of old Germans, Britt's, Italians, Russians, Canadians, Aussies.
Our first stop was the Valley of the Kings, which is the home to 19 Tombs. It's about $20 to see any 3 of the 19 tombs. $20 Egyptian is a lot of money, considering I can get a falafel sandwich for 18 cents. The Valley of the Kings is by far the most popular site. From the get go, I hated it. I appreciate what it is and what it represents, but it's just not my kind of history. I'd rather see the Vietnam museum, or the killing fields, as bleak as that may be. I go into the first tomb. I don’t even know what I am looking at. I see carvings and paintings on the wall, and I know they are old, very very old. You continue walking in with the 100's of other tourist, gazing at stuff that really doesn't make any connection to me. Seeing old artifacts are cool to a certain degree, but seeing something like a spoon that’s really old just doesn't interest me. Fortunately I didn't see any spoons, as they have all been moved to the Cairo museum, which I will probably skip. When I was in the first tomb, I did something I knew I wasn't suppose to do, which was take a pic, super sneaky style. I got two, and thought I carried out the mission like a CIA operative. Minutes later I am approached by a guy (local) who works there. No official uniform or anything, but demands my camera. I refuse, which only makes it worse. He says give me the memory card. I tell him there is no way that’s going to happen. Then he tells me to show him the pictures. I try to cycle the pics in the opposite direct, to avoid blowing my cover. I failed. This really pissed him off. He DEMANDED once again, which also really didn't make me too happy. At this point a small crowd has gathered. I tell him I wasn't aware and tell him that I am sorry, and tell him that I will delete it. At one point he brushes his finger across my face, which is a pretty big insult in the Muslim world. The combination of this and his unnecessary anger doesn't really help the situation, as I find myself inches from his face. I know that $3 could solve this problem, like most in Egypt, but at this point I wasn't giving in. I erased the pic, and showed him the rest of the card in reverse order, not revealing the second picture. The thing that was odd is that I didn't use a flash which is the concern cause its bad for the stones, but what about ALL the people in there exhaling carbon dioxide (cant remember if that’s the right term - hate chemistry, but know that the exhaling is bad for the stones)?
At this point I am TOTALLY over it, hot annoyed and not enjoying the "Luxor Thing." I basically pick two more Tombs at random walk thru there, and try to get the hell out. As I am walking one of the cops, who is armed with an AK-47 machine gun asks if I want a photo with him, so I humor him, knowing that of course he'll want money in the end. I am right, as he ask for a tip. I start to joke with him about letting me fire his machine gun for 10 pound ($2.50). He laughs and says that I can take a picture with it. I didn't but to think for only $2.50 a government employee is willing to hand over a fully automatic gun, that’s fully loaded, with a spare clip on the side. Anything to make a buck. On the same note I was given a chance to steer the Nile ferry, which was carrying 500 people for a $1. Capitalism outweighs safety from time to time.
The worst part about the Valley of the Kings is that as you leave you are bombarded with people selling overpriced bullshit. No, I don’t want to buy your King Tut coloring book, nor do I want your Cleopatra embroidered safari hat, and I especially don’t want the wooden sculpture of a cat. Who does buy this shit? I look around and the answer is very clear.
I did the rest of my self guided tour in record time, and using my Arabic saying every few feet. By 11am it's so hot that I don’t think I can go much further. I have seen the sites, taken the pictures, experienced "the Luxor Thing."
I skip the Valley of the Queens. Once you've seen 1 tomb (or 3 in my case) you've seen them all, at least while the sun radiates of the sand at 115 degrees.
All I wanted was air con and a shower. Trying to get back to the hotel I was stopped about times for tea, or this or that. I was also a bit lost and growing VERY irritable due to all the elements that the morning brought.. If one more person tries to get me into a spice shop or buy some dumb statue I am going to KILL them. Seriously, I wasn't a pleasant person. Heat, crowds, and lack of sleep will always do it to me, and then you throw in people being pushy. Fuck that.
Along the way to the hotel I did meet a young guy who was very friendly. He sported a red Tupak Shukar shirt, with rhinestones in the shirt for what would be Tupak's bling. Needless to say it was hot. I thought for sure his intentions weren't genuine. He invited me to a wedding later on in the evening. I was like, yeah sure man, whatever, just gets me to my hotel, and we'll talk later. Being hassled all the time really sucks, because you dismiss genuine people. I took a nap, showered and then did some emailing. I was surprise to find my Tupak friend exactly where he said he would be later on. I was still a bit hesitant, even after meeting his friends. I could see things ending in some shitty bazaar. trying to be sold cat sculptures. I was wrong. We ended up at the Muslim wedding as promised, or at least the after party from the ceremony. I felt a bit disappointed with myself for not being open to them initially, but in the end it all worked out. Here I was the only white guy on this terrace full of hundreds of Egyptian Muslims, rocking out, as much as Islam will allow. This was ten times better then seeing the ruins of Luxor. This was worth the $20 wasted in the morning. Its things like this, seeing culture first hand that really draws me to travel, not old stones and spoons.
The wedding itself was a bit comical, and surreal at the same time.
Back to the great divide of the sexes. There were tons of cute young Egyptian girls dancing away having a good old time, but you'd find all the men hanging in the back. It seemed that only the old men mingled, while all the eligible bachelors hung in the wings. The guys I was with were all single young and for the most part smart, educated, and good looking. In the West weddings are a single guy's best friend, for obvious reasons. We stayed there for about an hour. None of the guys even approached a girl.
It’s a culture I am still trying to figure out. Slowly but surly, I guess.
Last day in Luxor, then off to Cairo, then Bangkok, which I can't wait for. Just get me out of Luxor, that’s all I ask.
-dylan
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Dad
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Awesome!