Just do it?

When I was an 8 year old kid, I decided I was an explorer! Pushing my limits and boundries in the persuit of excitement in the unknown. I was often jumping on trains and finding myself in London or deepest Kent...even at that age! My parents were never impressed!
As I got older, that feeling never went away, but I satisfied my traveling drug with several holidays each year to places ranging from Spain, to Florida, to Dubai. I gave up the idea of never actually being in a position to just travel as I have a career and a marraige, allbeit with grown up kids who have flown the nest now.

My wife is not one for traveling for too long, and a fortnight in Orlando was the biggest challenge she ever encountered on her travels. She has always known about my travel bug and even for my longing to leave this country (UK) and live elsewhere in the world. We talked about it of course, and when we first met she was open to the idea. But now, she is totally opposed and thinks that my dream is just that, my dream that I will probably never push myself to achieve. I think I will resent her if I dont do this...as I already do sub conciously to a certain extent I think.

Im 44 now, and our marraige is more best friends than man and wife. We both realise that and have spent the past several years going from highs to lows but never achieving that middle balance.
Recent events have seen me resign from my work, and look for another position. But now...its hit me...im in the best position ive ever been in to achieve my dream. I have no plans at the moment...in fact this is my first venture into looking for advice and calling on other travellers experience. I imagine my travels would definately end up in Australia, going via the middle east, Thailand , india etc.

I would love to hear of other peoples opinions and experiences. Has anyone else "just done it"? Just suddenly realised they HAVE to do it and given up so much?

I look forward to any comments and replies,

Tony Reply to this

Hi Tony

Im 44 too, travelled madly throughout my late teens to late late twentys, had kids, and now have the luxury of being able to quench my wanderlust frequently as my boys are now teens and I have a shared custody situation so the kids are fine staying here in Aus with their father. Id agree with all the awesome advice Shane has given you but would ask if theres a deeper question behind you asking about Just Doing It?

Your job situation is easy come/easy go. The kids have left home. Youve been a good boy and done the marriage and career and childraising thing. Youve done whats expected of you by society so why the hell cant you do what was expected by the 8 year old Tony?

You dont have anything to give up, you can still keep it all. Just as period in your life that had to happen to bring you to this point of thinking it over and posting it here. We become the sum total of all the people and all the experiences in our lives.

Just explain that its something you need to do. Sounds like your wife and your life have become a little stale perhaps? You say your marriage is like best friends. Why dont you talk to your best friend about how you really feel and perhaps she just may understand you feeling like your only half alive (which is how i feel if im unable to leave the country for longer than 6 months).....I agree with Shane about starting in Aus and working your way back. What do you think your wife would say if you suggested she meet you in 3 or 4 months on a tropical island for a dinner date? Maybe she feels she is not living her life to its full potential too. You mentioned she didnt take too well to prolonged travel - Ive flown half way around the world to meet a friend (not lover!) for breakfast, stupider things have been done, with pretty amazing memories and a depth of feeling very difficult to describe.

I think the bottom line is....we do only get 100 years (thanks 5 for fighting lol). We live our lives either dreaming of doing or rarely, doing what we dream of. You cant keep another person 100%!h(MISSING)appy for your entire life if you are not even having a crack at finding that thing that makes you 100%!f(MISSING)ulfilled. If its travel, maybe you can find a compromise, i was lucky, i met my partner while i was wandering, but thats also the reason i have spent most of my adult life single. He doesnt share my insatiable need for travel, but he understands it.

The selfish traveller in me says Just do it and be true to that tiny voice thats been inside your head since you were a child. Go fill your curiosity and be truly free, a rarity for any human to achieve. The 44 year old in me says.....talk to your wife and you may find that one day she may just meet you somewhere for breakfast and you still have your best friend.

Whichever you do, wishing you all the best 😊 Reply to this

What great advice! I too would love to just sell it all and explore the world but not in the right place in my life to do so. I think littlewing is so right about trying to involve wife in some way having your bestfriend in your corner could make the return a soft place to land! Good Luck and keep us posted! Reply to this

Hi Tony,

There's some good advise here from Shane and Cindy. You will need to discuss it with your wife.

Personally, I spent many years telling people that I wanted to give it all up and travel. My friends no longer thought I would ever do it but in 2004 I took the risk. It's the best decision I've ever taken and I'm now living and working thousands of miles away from my home country. In other words it's totally changed my life. Reply to this

is there anyway you could maybe do a month or two abroad traveling and then come back for a month or two also? I'm not expert and only 19 so by no means take my advice head on, but maybe that could work? Breaking up the trip into parts so that you'll still see your wife and family some? Reply to this

Thank you all for your wonderful advice and for sharing some of your own experiences with me.
I have now made the decision that I am definately going to travel, and it will probably be to Western Australia via Asia. I have no idea how or when or the duration, but to be honest, I dont care, because that what excites me about the whole thing.
I now need to tell my wife! gulp! There are family and personal issues that I cannot talk about on here but they make my decision so much harder in one respect, but so much easier in another...if that makes sense?
I will certainly explain to my wife that my own perfect scenario would be that we both do this trip together and just see where it takes us personaly as well as logisticly! But I know that she will not do it. She may suprise me, but I can not see it. I have done as Seth and Hope suggested in their post above. I have whisked her off on trips to New York (1 day notice), Las Vegas (1 week notice), Dubai ( was not going to tell her until we was the airport, but she opened my credit card statement 3 days before!).
We have had lots of planned trips away to Madrid, Dublin, Hamburg etc as well, but she hates the traveling there and back, airports, flying etc. If someone could make the star trek "beam me up scotty" thing real, then she would be laughing. But then I would never use it, as I LOVE the planning and traveling as much as the destination itself!!!
My wife is very homely and loves security. She is the total opposite to me, which 10 years ago when we met, seemed to prove the theory "opposites attract".
Now I have to contend with "dumping this on her" just before christmas and when we are having major problems with her rebelious teenage daughter who is making our lives misery! I know I will get accused of running away, but that is not what im doing. Whats happened in my life over the past few months has just made me stop fighting my traveling urge and thanks to this site, to realise that im not alone in what makes my heart beat faster and excites my thoughts and fantasies. Traveling, seeing, learning and enjoying...all off my own back. Ive been fighting myself for years now, half of me saying "go, just do it" And the other half saying " but you have worked so hard for your nice detached house, flash car and you have a wife who adores you". But has that made me happy? Yes! but mainly when we have been on holidays!!! Life at home in my nice house and in front of my 50" plasma is not living to me, its surviving. Thats sad.
Someone said to me recently, "the most important thing in this short life should not be what you do, but what you choose to do"
This is the biggest choice I have ever made. Ill let you know how good it turned out to be!! Reply to this

Well there has been many views on this subject concerning his wife. I also am hearing loud and clear that the wife wants nothing to do with the hussle bussle part of traveling which is totally unavoidable. Traveling is not always about comfort not the kind he is thinking about. Traveling vs Vacationing means getting a little dirty, a little confused its often frustrating. That is what traveling is about because while we are ot there checking things out because it is DIFFERENT we have to solve lots of different problems, language, rooms, transportatin, food safety all the things we need to do to move forward which is how we grow by Putting ourselves out there now that to me is traveling. So with this in mind the wife isn't going for it and if she did it doesn't sound like much fun as a travel partner. No offense please but people like that should stay in their safty zone and leave traveling to others. So that said I don't understand why it has to be all or nothing. Why not say your going to travel Amazing Asia for six months return home to work, home business stuff and remember absence makes the heart grow fonder. Don't spread yourself to thin your only in your forties you don't have to run from one place to another. Also Six months traveling backpack shouldn't be so expensive you couldn't be able to manage with some thoughtful planning and open credit card. Taking off for six months is quite a bit of time to really get into to something or even find some place where you can really stay and really see how another culture lives. There is always other trips to plan and take. Slow down take a breath and make a plan. When I am asked about why I travel so much and how lucky I am I always tell them the secret...Plant the seed, research a bit then BUY THE TICKET!!, then I make it happen I save my money eat at home, no movies just whatever it takes! It has always worked for me. Good Luck! Reply to this

Hi, I'm new to the forum.

I'm definitely in to the idea of taking the risk and fulfilling your travel dreams. I'm currently planning something similar, but around the United States. I've traveled significantly throughout Central America, Europe, and the South Pacific but have overlooked my home for too long. I'm not trying to spend every penny I have, but will be taking a huge amount of time and effort in order to make the trip happen. (i'll keep you posted)

So go for it - plan well - know that you'll have to survive in the long run (whether the trip continues forever or you need to return home) Reply to this

Hey everyone,

Looking forward to the outcome of this forum and Tony good luck. A quick question though.. when are you planning on doing this trip? You have mentioned that you have a teenage daughter and if you convince your wife to go along with you will the daughter be going as well?

If both of you manage to head away (which I hope you do) will the your daughter be able to manage or she is at the stage where she look after herself? I am sure she will say she is 😊

Reply to this

Why does he have to give everything up? I keep hearing this and it just isn't so. As for Rahn idea you have to earn lots of money and then become a globetrotter is totally not true or else noone would be out there traveling. The people you see with lots of money are often just tourist there for a visit then they have to go home to make more and keep up with their lifestyle. From what I am hearing I am not sure that he is looking for this kind of travel. Tonesforken what is going on and have you made any sort of decisions about your approach we all seem to be very interested. Just speaking with my husband (right now we are on a small trip to Mexico check out my blog) about it and both think that if your wife truly loves you in the way you say then she would come to understand your need to fullfill your dream. Six months gone could really put the spark back in the marriage as well as give you a better appreciation of your life. I do not believe it has to be all or nothing. Good Luck! Reply to this