A Fortified Sri Lankan Initiation

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I usually don't write a lot about flights, but here are some things I noticed on my flight to Colombo:

In airplane bathrooms, there should be a device, similar to smoke detectors, that beeps when a guy pisses on the toilet seat. A trapdoor should open automatically, with a large, hard boxing glove dashing out, punching him in the face. Sit down, fuckers!

On Sri Lankan Airways, they provide single-use shavers in the lavatory, which is actually a good idea. There's also a big bottle of mouthwash, and I can't for the life of me figure out any hygienic way to make use of it.

The service on board is impeccable and with a smile. The crew is pleasant and entirely attitude-free, except maybe for the lady selling duty free-goods. The Sri Lankan bloke sitting next to me still chucks a tantrum when they only have chicken and have run out of fish for lunch. He also scolds the flight attendant for taking too long in bringing a cup of water.

Incredibly, my lunch is edible. I get a chickpea and couscous-salad, a spicy curry with kidney beans, vegetables and rice, as well as a fruit salad for dessert, which is even kind of fresh. The dinner I have is a decent spinach and paneer curry with dhal and rice.

What you don't want on a ten-hour flight is abysmal onboard entertainment. The monitors at the back of the seats are tiny and all you get is a few TV channels and a handful of films which you can join in progress. There is also the nth re-run of Mr. Bean-episodes.

When asked what he wants to drink, the middle-aged German man in front of me says 'Cola' in German. The flight attendant tells him they've just run out, so he says 'Wasser'. The girl asks 'Water?', he repeats 'Wasser' in German. She pours him a cup and he receives it without so much as a thank you. Why is he going to Sri Lanka? Do Mallorca and Southern France not cut it anymore? Does he expect everybody in Sri Lanka to speak and understand his German? Is it too hard to learn how to say the most basic things in English, like 'water', 'please' and 'thank you'?

The flight crew hands out little packs of arrival cards and free sim cards! Why haven't all the other countries thought of this before? Upon arrival, you can go to the Mobitel-counter to register the sim-card and put on some credit. 500 rupees (3€) will last you forever.

Finally, a special mention goes to Frankfurt Airport for finally joining all the other airports in the world and providing free Wifi on its premises. It may only be 30 minutes for each customer, but hey, it's a start, innit? Go Germany, your future is bright!



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I arrive at my host's place in Colombo and take a short nap. I decide to keep it short to prevent myself from getting jetlagged, and to make full use of the day. Afterwards, I stroll around town. The feeling I get is similar to Southeast Asia, but somehow different. I can't put my finger on it. Colombo is rather dirty and chaotic, and the sights are few and far between. I go and visit the National Museum, which is housed in a stunning colonial building. There are heaps of exhibits dating back to the 8th century, documenting Ceylon's ever-changing political and cultural landscape. It feels like a preview of what I will see in the ancient cities up north.

After a lazy cappuccino and a snooze in the adjacent café, I walk to nearby Gangaramaya Temple. The bustling temple features some great statues and interesting adornments, but a rather sad little detail: when I cross the main prayer hall into the courtyard, I see an old elephant chained up in a corner. His mahout is in the middle of bathing him, poking him with a long stick, which has a metal spike attached on one end, when he wants him to turn over. You can see that the poor creature's spirit was broken long ago. He's just going through the motions, not even enjoying his bath. It's a sad sight to behold, but what's almost infuriating is the stupidity of the white couple smiling and taking pictures and apparently amazed at the sight of an elephant, any elephant, no matter how broken. It's beyond shameful for Sri Lankans to keep pachyderms in such appalling conditions, but even more so for Lankan Buddhists. Lots of bad karma and no rebirth for you arseholes.



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I escape Colombo on a train to Galle, down south. Second class is not bad and very cheap. Less than three hours later, I'm there. I use tunnel vision to ignore the touts and tuk tuks, and to make my way to Galle's famous fort, where I find a decent place to stay. The fort dates from the Dutch era, starting in 1663, to be precise. Wandering around inside, the colonial buildings are mostly intact and beautifully renovated and refurbished. Many of them now house guesthouses and overpriced Western-style cafés. Hello there, banana pancake, strange to see you in South Asia as well. I should have anticipated it. The tourists are out in force, thanks to Galle's excellent location not far from Colombo and on the way to Sri Lanka's best beaches.

For lunch, I eat an overpriced and underwhelming dinner of vegetable curry and chapathi. I learn my lesson and eat in Galle's new town the next time around, where the food is more authentic and a lot cheaper. The cool thing about the fort is that it might be a very touristy place, yet it's still very much functional, i.e. the locals haven't given it up to the tourism industry. There are schools, law courts, government buildings, mosques, churches and temples. You see the locals sitting and walking on the fort walls at all times of the day and the night. They're there with the tourists to watch the sun set and rise. Kids play cricket next to the fortifications. It gives Galle a great atmosphere, dynamic and vibrant, yet slow and relaxed. Just the right place after the hustle and bustle of Colombo.

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Photos

Main Buddha
Gangaramaya Temple Colombo

Goddess Durga
10th century, Anuradhapura

Avalokitesvara
9th century

Bodhisattva sandals
9th century

Decorative slab
18th century, Kandy period

Sankha-Nidhi Vamana guardstone
11th century, Anuradhapura

Padma-Nidhi Vamana guardstone
8th century, Anuradhapura

Comments

[denidax]

I totally agree with you on the "sit down, fuckers!"... however, we have enough rude Germans (and other nationalities) here in Mallorca, so please, don't send us any more!!!! (they also come here expecting everybody to speak German (or English)... the poor things, how can they know we speak Spanish in Spain?!?) :D

[Susurros somnolientos]

Bad tourists
Hi Denidax, thanks for the comment! I just thought it would be a good idea to keep the badly behaving German tourists in one spot and not allow them to spread and invade the whole world. Mallorca with its tried and tested tourist ghettos would come to mind for that, as would Bali for Australians. ;) At least even the dumbest German seem to be less monolingual than those guys! :D Cheers, Jens

[RENanDREW]

I liked the flight critique...
...as far as I'm concerned the more detail to help me live vicariously through a blog, the better! Looking forward to reading your impressions of the north.

[Susurros somnolientos]

The flight was ok...
Hi Ren and Andrew, thanks for reading! Glad you liked it. Just thought I should finally write something about that rather important aspect of travelling as well. With flights, it's those little things that make or break it, in my opinion. Cheers, Jens